The Kitchen Is On Fire

It’s the 2020 TickyOff Christmas special and once more it looks like The Tickyoff Boyz could be flat out bading you farewell. Is Zoom podcasting the way to go? Should they hang up their podcasting spurs? Is there anywhere left for these two podcasting titans to go? It remains unclear.

Before that though there are topics. These topics are vast, as ever. They are dissected with the skills of a back room vet paid for his shoddy scalpel work with equally as cut rate narcotics. Speaking of dodgy veterinarian education, they also wonder a while, perhaps for the second time, on whether or not horses lay eggs.

Other animal chat topics include vertical whales, James’s capon and Sam sees a dead wolf by the side of the road.
Moving away from the animal kingdom they answer a bunch of questions from listeners, share some good news about Manny from Pidgin, are very touched by the success of the Pidgin Gofundme, and James asks an incredible question about living your life on Uranus.

All the above diamond caper content plus 'The Sopranos' vs 'The Wire', Sam wears pyjamas, a coda where they basically worship Jimi Famurewa for a while and James tells all about the night Fay Maschler came to Pidgin.

It’s TickyOff and if this is farewell, just be grateful, for the rest of your lives on Planet Earth, that you were lucky enough to hear it.

This episode is sponsored by wine titans

Direct download: TKIOF-EP262-THE_END_PART_THREE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:37am EDT

Vibes are mixed up this week on the damn TickyOff. We begin with a solo intro by Sam which is as magnificent, insightful and flat out vibey as you’d expect without that heavy horse shaped vibe anchor weighing his vibe down.
This is followed by a secretly recorded meeting between The Pidgin Boyz and Pidgin GM and Head chef Jack and Hamish. They discuss reopening Pidgin, the potential for London to move into Tier 3 and some thoughts on the current hospitality vibe in London. So many vibes. We thought a little honest peek behind a Pidgin shaped curtain might be of interest.
We then move into the real vibe of the podcast with a brilliant guest, Rebecca Seal is here talking up a goddamn storm about her new book ‘Solo: How To Work Alone’. She also gets into poisonous printers, fractal patterns, why the 8 hour work day is a nonsense and why she carries a pot plant around with her at all times.
It’s some darn fascinating chat right here and as ever, you are at least somewhat, welcome.

Here is a link to the Pidgin GoFundMe campaign:

Anything you can chip in would be greatly, vastly, mightily, appreciated.

Rebecca’s book ‘Solo: How To Work Alone’ is available via a hidden portal in the trunk of an old ash tree somewhere due east of here, also from bookshops both real, online, and probably imagined.

This episode is sponsored by wine tinsel dancers

Category:general -- posted at: 4:39am EDT

This week it’s TickyOff with The TickyOff Boyz. And no one else. It’s been a tricky old week so James and Sam sit down late on Friday night to discuss said tricky old week. There’s beating a joke to death chat, James’s life in the 10 Cases kitchen discussion and a fair whack of Latin banter.
They wonder on whether or not cooks can actually cook, Sam bakes his ragus now and there’s a weird detour into a priest parking an ocean liner.

They also discuss this week’s last minute closure of Pidgin, their hopes for reopening this week, some sad news about a long term member of the Pidgin team, and try and find some positives in the current plight facing many in hospitality.

There’s also some detail on the upcoming Pidgin GoFundMe which is due to launch any day now including vouchers, wine tastings and a meal cooked by The TickyOff Two…..

This episode is sponsored by wine beasts

Direct download: TKIOF-EP260-IT_TAKES_TWO_TO_TICKYOFF.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:21am EDT

It’s unclear whether this week’s guest was named after a drum or a popular sat nav system but ultimately, that is more than a moot point. He’s Tom Kerridge and he’s here flat out talking about the new ‘Hand And Flowers’ cookbook, meeting Miss Marple, how and why his restaurant group has expanded and his deep love for the extremes of life in the kitchen.

Before Tom arrives The TickyOff Boyz wonder whether or not their grandmothers actually liked them, whether or not they would ship their children to the police if they committed a crime and whether or not they remember Maradona’s Hand Of God goal. Meanwhile, James tells an incredibly erotic tale involving The Crusades, tagine, and some very frisky elderly folk.

All this plus, fun with meat-glue, The Doncaster Grill, St John at Christmas and Tom reveals exactly what Gary Neville eats….

This episode is sponsored by world cup of wine winners

Tom’s new book ‘The Hand And Flowers Cookbook’ is available from sheep shearing stations across New Zealand and also probably from a bookshop or two. It’s a beauty. Go get it.

Oh and finally, the link to the boiled goose video discussed within the pod:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP259-LEFT_FIELD_LIFE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:25am EDT

This week aural events upon Thee TickyOff kick off with some braised sausage chat from Sam and somewhat more dramatically James has been in a car crash. But don’t worry! Chill out. Sam is fine, the sausages were braised to perfection. Oh and James is alright too.

Then things take a unique turn in the grand and hallowed history of the pod….they talk golf. Now hold on to yr equine creatures! I know maybe you’re thinking, golf is gross, I hate golf, I have no interest in golf. However, bear with us here. This pod attempts and achieves the impossible, much as The TickyOff Boyz have done throughout their incredible podcasting career.

Fortunately they, and you, have a hell of a sensei on board to yap up a storm about why maybe golf isn’t quite what you think it is. That wise shaman is none other than New York Times bestselling author Tom Coyne calling in from Philadelphia.

Tom talks about walking the perimeter of Ireland playing every single golf course and eating many kebabs, finding community and less division than you might expect travelling across America, why he’s anti-mayo in salads and he also explains the wonders of the Burger Dog. There’s discussion as to why golf maybe isn’t just your grandfather’s game these days and he reveals the place he could eat at least ten Georgia peach ice cream sandwiches…

Finally, there’s the long awaited return of Who Eats What? and Tom tells the best ghost sighting tale you’ve ever had on TickyOff.

It’s TickyOff, it’s golf, it’s one of the loveliest people we’ve ever had on and you need it in yer ears people. Trust us. Wake up.

This episode is sponsored by the Gentle Ben of the world of wine

Tom’s upcoming book ‘A Course Called America’ is available for preorder from all hardware and fancy dress shops….or just from all places that sell books. I can’t do everything for you. You decide.

Category:general -- posted at: 4:20am EDT

It’s been a while. Some things have happened on Planet Earth. None of them compare to this event. The mighty return on The TickyOff Two. The TickyOff Boyz. Mankind’s only hope. That’s right. The world may be on fire but so is the goddamn kitchen so wake up and strap yourself the hell in.

Since we last met Sam has failed to quit drinking, is in thrall to a fitness tracker, and again professes his love for the world’s finest steakhouse, Aberdeen Angus. James made a foul Halloween soda, is very upbeat and is again taking freebies from a very provincial steakhouse mini-chain called Crowless or Robinfew or something….

Fortunately there is someone else making a return, that person is the incredible Asma Khan who returns to TickyOff to talk Netflix, crummy landlords, hiding from her relatives in her kitchen, the problems with mentor loyalty and the myth of the tortured genius. She also reveals all about the new Darjeeling Express opening this very week.

All this plus, Asma says something very nice to the TickyOff Twits, there’s a dead crow in a jar and James’s Dad makes a truly grim sounding ice-cream involving Daim bars, and fish.

It’s TickyOff, an interstellar burst, and it’s back to save the world again.

This episode is sponsored by lockdown wine gods

Direct download: TKIOF-EP257-THE_TICKYOFF_TWO_RETURN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:35am EDT

This episode of the greatest podcast series ever features comedian Alexander Owen talking up cruel childhood nicknames, the future of theatre, juggling during a Kafka performance, Zoom humour and his new series for Audible ‘The Special Relationship’. Alexander also reports in on what James was like in school and gives the inside skinny on just how wild the ‘Midsummer Murders’ cast WhatsApp group gets.

Before Alexander shows up James is feeling ill, made a terrible salad for some guests in his home and reveals all about staff food at The 10 Cases. Sam meanwhile lies about pate, wonders if anyone actually talks around a watercooler and compares his own restaurant to a dead body in the boot of a Volvo.

There’s also time to wonder if a skeleton can be ripped, discuss a musical about Arsene Wenger and ponder what moving house while wearing a giant prosthetic penis might be like.

It’s TickyOff and to be perfectly honest, that’s all you’re getting. Wake up.

This episode is sponsored by the same wine folk as always

Direct download: TKIOF-EP256-SKELETOR.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:55am EDT

This episode of thine TickyOff features food science legend Harold McGee talking his new book all about the wonderful world of smell. Harold also talks Heston, his McDonalds order of choice, the time he whipped some eggs in a prize given to his wife, the most disgusting bit of research he’s ever done and how he cooks at home.

Before Harold shows up on the line from San Francisco, James reveals all about his new role in the kitchen at The 10 Cases and how a ramekin of mustard nearly caused a full blown temper tantrum. Sam meanwhile has been to Brat, talks his favourite word and gives a shout out to the new book by friend to the podcast Tim Hayward.

There’s also time to diss tomato risotto, congratulate Thom Yorke from Radiohead on his wedding and talk ugly wine bottles.

This episode is sponsored by wine bananas

Direct download: TKIOF-EP255-NOSEDIVE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:02am EDT

We’re back with part two of a chat with the wondrous Petra Barran. This week things get even more serious as these three human mouths get properly audible on some flat out VAST topics. Diversity, recalibration, social capital, gatekeeping and the lack of space within capitalist structures. Wowzer…TickyOff gets serious….and anyone who thought that was ever likely has an irregular head.
Before Petra arrives there is of course time for some standard TickyOff nonsense. James has a new job and some new trousers. Sam has eaten a pie and had toothache. Oh and they begin what will no doubt be a long running discussion about ‘Tenet’ which predictably moves into another hefty dollop of Tom Hardy chat.
All of the above plus Petra and The TickyOff Boyz somehow move from The Ego Triangle into The Love Circle via some other Circles Of Fuckwittery…..

This episode is sponsored by love circles of wine delivery

Direct download: TKIOF-EP254-TACTICAL_URBANISM_PART_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:48am EDT

This week’s episode is beamed into yer ear canals from The Garret where James and Sam are reunited upon the microphones in person for the first time since the worldwide covid calamity hellscape we all find ourselves in now, began.
Said microphones are actually bust so huge apologies for the shoddy sound this week, and last week. We assure you said garbage sonics will be remedied by next week.

Anyway, it’s worth battling the mildly irritating sound to hear about the Ramsden family’s very first visit to Sam’s house. Yep that’s right, James has never ever been to Sam’s house, until a week ago. This summit of the two mighty Families Of TickyOff was quite the affair, involving Sunday Sauce, a vomiting child, a free handbag and a vast Kilner jar full of orange squash.
There’s also discussion of another twitter kerfuffle involving an Italian restaurant and the pair ponder whether or not insects drink liquids.

After that highest of octane starts finally Petra Barran arrives. Among many other things Petra is the founder of Kerb, the street food facilitator par excellence. Petra discusses moving to New Orleans, being rather than doing, how to grow and surviving the recession. She is also incredibly wise upon some pretty grande topics such as financial empowerment, feeling a part of a place and why food is the canary in the coal mine for landlords and developers.

All in all, there was far too much we didn’t get chance to yap about so Petra will be back soon for part two of this pretty goddamn interesting triple mouthed babblefest.

This episode is sponsored by wine sellers of wine

Direct download: TKIOF-EP253-TACTICAL_URBANISM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:35am EDT

This week’s episode features author of ‘Which Wine When’ Claire Strickett talking publishing a book in lockdown, not drinking alone, demystifying wine and moving house during a pandemic. Claire and The TickyOff Boyz also manage to draw parallels between sweet wine and ‘Breaking Bad’, wonder whether snooty sommeliers exist anywhere other than Paris and ponder one of the greatest questions of our age: When should the cheese course appear?

Before Clare arrives upon the scene James discusses his recent conversion to becoming a flat-earther, his hatred for beaches and he mixes butter with tomatoes for a delightful dinner dish for his children. Sam busts out a mean Chris De Burgh and Roxette mashup and they both get into the price of cod if purchased from Will Hunting in Boston in the early 18th century.

All this plus Tim Henman as a pirate, Cuban Pete (yet again) and Sam wonders where the undertaker is taking James’s granny.

It’s TickyOff and it means a huge amount to humanity that it’s here.

This episode is sponsored by wine pirates

Direct download: TKIOF-EP252-DANCING_WITH_DE_BURGH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:55am EDT

On the pod this week James begins proceedings with a hot head, a couple of bream and a wild fact about an ice cream brand. Sam meanwhile is braising some lamb necks, schooling James on ancient farming techniques and helping the aged by giving them his old clothes.
The TickyOff Two are considering opening an ice cream shop, reminiscing about an old character from the early days of Pidgin and also wondering about how cool Burial and heroin actually are.

Then an old friend of Sam’s arrives. Paul Wilson is a semi-big shot in the Wagamama empire and he’s here to talk lockdown and reopening for a large restaurant chain. We often have independent operators on the pod and we thought it worthwhile to get a take from someone who operates from deep within a vast and probably evil corporate behemoth. JOKE!

Oh and also, Paul played bass in Hope Of The States so he’s perfectly placed to reveal all about playing Guitar Hero on a tourbus and letting everyone know just how much of a nightmare it was to be in a band with Sam.

There’s also time for inclusion in hiring chat, ‘hail fellow well met’ discussion and hash brownies at the Tower of London yap.

This episode is sponsored by wine mamas and papas

Direct download: TKIOF-EP251-TOOTY_FROOTY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:09am EDT

Humanity can rely upon The TickyOff Boyz for many things. Incredible insight, semi-raw sensuality, arguments about vegetables and wraith chat. They can also be relied upon to somehow forget amazing milestones. This week they’ve managed to utterly fail to notice that this is their 250th episode. Therefore, expect nothing more special than the usual unbelievably special high end, top shelf blend of sounds from mouths.

This week they’re talking the great reopening of restaurants post-lockdown. To that end The TickyOff Two have brought Emma Underwood, GM of Darby’s and Selin Kiazim chef and owner of Oklava and Oklava Bakery to tell all about their respective reopening experiences and their hopes for the future. Emma talks customer expectations and how their lockdown takeaway business went. Selin talks dropping service charge, luck and the need for a reset of the hospitality business.

Before these two wise and wonderful women arrive James has shaved his head again, lost his son (temporarily) again, and is cooking a rubbish vegetable again. Sam meanwhile is about to eat a chicken burger and gives a truly woeful, completely circular answer to a question. It’s appalling and he still feels ashamed of his fence sitting, noncommittal, wishy washy nonsense response.

Anyway, 250 episodes in, it’s still TickyOff and you still probably need to wake up.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine gurus

Direct download: TKIOF-EP250-THE_PIDGIN_POSITION.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:57am EDT

This episode starts off with a song from James. It’s quite the thing. James is here after a day of some quality DIY commitment, Sam is not loving beer, there’s carbonara chat and cannelloni yap too. This is followed up with some ‘reopening of the pubs’ discussion, Sam’s father in law’s digital sea sickness and the sad demise of Cafe Rouge. Before this week’s guest arrives there’s also some No Seat Christopher Nolan verbals and Sam has a weirdly erotic dream…..

Praise be that aforementioned guest Jimi Famurewa shows up in the nick of time to talk lockdown, making his mum happy, Kid and Play, what the role of a food critic looks like post-pandemic and what happens when one Googles themselves.

There’s also time to discuss the fall of ex-Lucky Peach Editor Peter Meehan*, the hopefully inevitable fall of toxic food world twat energy culture and Jimi discusses what and where he feels his lane is in food writing.

*To be clear, which this episode is not, (due to the loss of some audio to Zoom glitching), all three of us stand in complete sympathy and solidarity with anyone who had to deal with the grim sounding Peter Meehan. Listening back maybe it’s not crystal clear but the part where I (Sam) said exactly that, has been lost to the digital ether and I wanted that to be made, if required, abundantly clear. Ta, and apologies for any confusion.

This episode is sponsored by wine seat users
Direct download: TKIOF-EP249-THE_STEALTH_KAYAK.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:12am EDT

This episode features Eddy Tejada and Matthew Scott from Hot 4 U creating a vast swathe of mouthsounds all about setting up their food delivery business in the midst of the pandemic. They talk learning on the job, friendly accountants, eight hundred potato bears and cooking from the hip. They also tell all about how they really need to start writing things down and buy a calendar.

Before they arrive the weather is hot, the TickyOff Boyz still can’t agree on the future of Pidgin and Sam has parked in a peculiar carpark. Differing vibes for the respective TickyOff Brides this week too as Rosie Ramsden tucks into a healthy week and Abbie Herlihy reveals that she has never ever eaten a chilli con carne.

All of the above plus, there’s also more than enough time for Barbara Cartland to jump an egg shaped shark, Sam wonders on exactly what the Catholic Church’s position is on sexual congress and they both create potentially the greatest (or most foul) method of omelette cookery you have ever heard.

This is TickyOff, and if it aint broke, then it aint TickyOff.

Check out Hot 4 U here: @hot4u_ldn

This episode is sponsored by wine churchgoers

Direct download: TKIOF-EP248-MOUTH_COOKERY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:32am EDT

This episode of TickyOff features a third appearance by Will Beckett of the mighty Hawksmoor empire. Said steak and great service empire has, like other lesser empires such as The TickyOff Boyz meagre cut-rate ‘empire’, been shut for ages because of the goddamn coronavirus nightmare. Now however, Will and his bird of prey themed meat house gang are working on how reopen safely into the new world of hospitality.

Will talks distancing, Hawksmoor At Home, masks, trying to stay optimistic, trust in operators and why his partner in Hawksmoor, Huw Gott, is very lovely and very persuasive.
He also tells all about Today’s Special, a charitable endeavour Huw is in the process of putting together to help charities with covid related shortfalls in funding.

So all the above sounds very serious, and it is. Gravitas, intelligent discourse, calm heads prevailing. We know this is not why you come to TickyOff however. Fear not! Before William shows, James is stuck on a hard shoulder for seven hours, has seen elderly folk kissing in the deli aisle and thinks all humankind is a cow in a field or something. Sam meanwhile wonders if body heat alone can cook an egg, in your bed.

This episode is sponsored by wine bird of prey

Please visit the below to check out Todays Special:

Instagram: @_todays.special

Twitter: @specials_todays

Direct download: TKIOF-EP247-GREY_BUTTERFLIES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:14am EDT

Listen up listeners. This episode of the greatest podcast about food that humankind has ever even dreamed of is here. The gratitude y’all must/should have coursing through yer veins means there may not be room enough within those veins for blood! Be careful. If you feel lightheaded, lay down. If you die, lay down too. I guess you will lay down naturally to be fair, if you die. Anyway, don’t blame us.

This episode features a second appearance by (possibly) Sam’s favourite person on earth (Apologetic shout out to his children, wife, family and James) deputy editor of Q Magazine Niall Doherty. Niall yaps up a goddarn storm on his legendary airport beers, spatchcocking chickens and how to approach tough subjects in interviews. There’s also a solid ten minutes of connection issues and bad sound which I left in because it made me laugh.
Niall also tells perhaps the greatest celebrity hangtime story you’ve ever heard which somehow manages to include Noel Gallagher, Joe Biden, Peroni beers and a magician in a perspex box.

Before Niall drops by Sam has had a huge surprise, an Alex Turner moment and no sausages. James has had a weird skin condition, has a theory about Blue predicting the pandemic and may have had a traybake.

All this plus Frank Sinatra, a Coldplay related hair transplant and a decent amount of borscht chat.

This is TickyOff and what doesn’t kill you might make you stronger, or might kill you in the end. It’s tough to tell.

This episode is sponsored by wine para para paradise

Category:general -- posted at: 6:12am EDT

‘Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” So asked brother of Guy, Lionel Richie, in his 1964 hit cover of Adele’s ‘lover as ghost’ spooky hit song ‘Hello’.
Now, Lionel R raises a more than interesting question here. It’s all a question of perception. Let’s start here:

1. Is the person you are looking for Lionel Richie?
2. Is the person you are looking for Margot Henderson?

This gets more than complicated at this stage in that we now must consider whether Lionel is asking this question of humankind itself or merely addressing the globe spanning vastness of the TickyOff listenership direct.

It’s tough to tell. I’ll leave you to ponder on that and wonder why Lionel might choose to impersonate Margot Henderson of Rochelle Canteen, Rochelle At The ICA, The French House back in the day, author of ‘You’re All Invited’ and all round legend of London hospitality.

Anyway, my train of thought has completely derailed and I'm very sorry for the stupid digression above. Margot Henderson is on the pod!

Margot tells all about life in lockdown at the Henderson’s, mould on the march on the Mall (that’s a weird line), her move from New Zealand to London and the perils of skinning eels. She also talks about her favourite cooking utensils, turnip cake disasters, sausages with artist Sarah Lucas and getting a certificate from Pizza Express.

Before Margot arrives James is wearing some sort of animal on his head and really digs Michael Bolton but might be less keen on US policy hawk John Bolton. Sam has just woken up from a nap, once made a veloute and has never seen ‘The English Patient’.

Who knows what in all hell any of the above means, I feel like I may have hit my head before writing this nonsense. Anyway, it’s TickyOff and if you don’t know what that means by now then you will never ever ever know me.*

*Shout out Simply Red. Real talk.

This episode is sponsored by wine stars

Direct download: TKIOF-EP245-POTATO_TECHNOLOGY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:55am EDT

Hello. This is TickyOff. This is episode two hundred and forty four, If it was a fruit, this episode would be a peach fruit. Peaches are a very rare fruit which I believe is grown in cans. Peaches are also covered in the fur of human people. This fur is not harmless. It is sweet and delicious. Anyway, that’s peaches, this is TickyOff, which is also sweet and delicious and covered in human fur, but is not a fruit. It’s a podcast. Wake up.

This episode features Katie and Rick Toogood, the restaurateurs behind the brilliant Prawn on The Lawn in London and also in Padstow. K and R get into buying a restaurant while drunk, having their first child a week before lockdown, fish being in fashion and going up against The Codfather himself, Rick Stein, on his home turf.

Before the Toogoods show, James talks for a long time about Adrian Chiles and picks his favourite end of the world scenario. Sam meanwhile bangs on about the theme song from ‘Terminator 2’ and has eaten a cake his daughter baked. All this plus another serious chat about their business. This time whether or not they should change the name of Pidgin.

This episode is sponsored by wine duckers and dancers

Direct download: TKIOF-EP244-THE_CODFATHER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:26am EDT

You weren’t expecting it. Neither were we. But here we are. Listening to a pretty sensible, serious, thoughtful episode of the generally wacky and dumb TickyOff.
This episode features two guests, The Goddamn TickyOff Boyz.
Said boyz of T’Off basically have a disagreement about the future of their business for forty odd minutes. James thinks Pidgin should be one thing. Sam thinks it should be a thing that is a different thing to the thing that James thinks it should be.
Neither of them think that Pidgin should be The Thing. Don’t be silly. Pidgin is a restaurant, not an alien creature in the ice looking to do some serious physical, and emotional, damage to Kurt Russell in a cool parka.

Anyway, this episode is for anyone looking to hear two people yap honestly about how their restaurant can hopefully survive, adapt, and possibly thrive in a hostile environment….the more I think about it actually, maybe Pidgin IS The Thing!

All this honest disagreement plus: David Foster Wallace, Thai sausages, the death obsessed people of Brittany, thousand year old apple trees and Sam looks like Aslan.

It creeps, it crawls, it strikes without warning! It’s TickyOff.

This episode is sponsored by the Goldie Hawn of wine delivery services

Direct download: TKIOF-EP243-OPEN_TO_BEING_OPEN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:08am EDT

This episode of TickyOff features chef, restaurateur, cookbook author and all round wonderful being of a human kind Ravinder Bhogal. Ravinder talks her initial breakthrough into the world of food, fighting for her restaurant site, supper clubs and pop ups and some dangerous geese in Kenya. She also gets into her celebration of immigrant foods, the mini economies that homesickness can create and some utterly life changing guava fruit.

Before Ravinder arrives Sam shares a recipe for Big Tray Chicken, has been singing about carrots in the supermarket and has seen a bottomless pond. James meanwhile is very garlicky, reveals the aphrodisiacs of the ancient Greeks and learns all about French synth wizard Jean Michel Jarre.

All of the above top drawer content plus Tom Hardy as a punchy Roman, Ross Kemp’s podcast and another sensual instalment from Barbara Cartland.

It’s TickyOff. And that’s all we have right now.

This episode is sponsored by the very straight roads and advanced plumbing pioneers of wine

Direct download: TKIOF-EP242-GLADIATOR_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:17am EDT

This episode of TickyOff features food writer and cookbook author Rachel Roddy Zooming in from Rome. Rachel has just had her first restaurant meal post-lockdown, explains all about a pet tortoise called Secret Agent and seemingly suggests that all Romans ever eat is tongue. Rachel also describes growing up in her Grandmother’s pub, a delightful town in Sicily famous for its oil refinery and discusses the similarities between Roman and British cuisine.

Before Rachel roams in from Rome, James has visited yet another weird woodland with his kids, bought a load of cheap Budweiser and coughed in a shop. Which people loved. Sam meanwhile has visited a post office and learned from Barbara Cartland that he really should start eating honey.

There’s also time for great beer-based scenes in movies, a briefly fashionable blue cheese and Rachel pretty much trolls The TickyOff Two by bringing up Magpie.

This episode is sponsored by wine hive

Direct download: TKIOF-EP241-TONGUE_SANDWICH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:31am EDT

‘Search for the hero inside yourself' sang M People on their third single from their multi platinum selling album ‘Bizarre Fruit’. Here at TickyOff Industries we’re not the sort to go around telling people what to do. If you want to listen to Heather Small’s instruction and look inside yourself somewhere for a hero then go right ahead. That’s your shout. We would gently suggest however that perhaps a hero can be located somewhere far more accessible, and lets be honest, more hygienically. Said hero is Ainsley Harriott and while he might be found in your heart, he can definitely be found on this darn skybusting world shaking episode of Thee Most Holy TickyOff.

That’s right people, wake up. Ainsley Harriott is here. And The TickyOff Two finally meet someone as magnetic, charming and lovely as themselves.

Ainsley tells all about his dog Shy Basmati Bob, his pianist father, alternative cabaret, cricket and sexy James Martin in a bandana. He talks about soul searching during lockdown, what it’s like being Ainsley Harriott in a supermarket and the ups and downs of his long career in food.

The TickyOff Boyz also hassle Ainsley on what he cooks at home, where he likes to eat out and whether or not he rocks Ready Steady Cook reunions with the legendary likes of Paul Rankin and Anthony Worrall Thompson.

Before Ainsley shows, James witnesses a horse attack on a dog and has run a ludicrous distance. Meanwhile Sam has wet hair and a book about Posh And Becks.

All this plus, Ainsley’s grandfather’s face is attacked by a ghost!

This episode was a vast pleasure to record and we couldn’t be more grateful to Ainsley for his time. Now you can experience this vast pleasure and be grateful to us for giving it to you. You are welcome.

This episode is sponsored by wine red tomatoes

Please do visit our Patreon here:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP240-AINSLEY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:07am EDT

This spectacular episode of The TickyOff features self confessed ‘anal pastry’ legend Calum Franklin of The Holborn Dining Rooms absolutely mouth-audioing all over the damn place about pies, craftsmanship, Ginsters, time pieces made of sausages and making many a pie to help the NHS. Calum also has no idea how old he is which may have something to do with the nature of chefs and their memories.

Before the C-Frank shows James reads another highly erotic recipe from Barbara Cartland, is covered in his daughter’s blood and is once more eating some salmon fish. Sam is waking up too early and eating tom yum. Oh and they discuss the whole Alison Roman disasterpiece…

This episode is sponsored by Team Teigen wine merchants

Calum’s charity pies can be found here:

Calum himself is on Instagram: @chefcalum

Direct download: TKIOF-EP239-SAUSAGE_CLOCK.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:16am EDT

Episode two hundred and thirty eight of the damn TickyOff is what they call a doozy. I am however concerned that I have no idea who they are and what exactly a doozy is. Anyway, it is what it is, just do it, I’m lovin’ it, etc.

The T-Boyz begin irritated at tedious people and the low standard of pandemic gags on Twitter., James has a new bike and may have taken his children to a dogging spot. Sam meanwhile makes a ‘vegetarian’ kimchi jigae and buys some mashed potato.

Then Phil Bracey (@philbracey) of P Franco, Bright and Peg renown shows up and these three legends of East London based hospitality begin by trading sad memories of the day they had to close all their restaurants dude to this accursed viral contagion of doom.
Fortunately they then move on to cheerier topics, restarting your career discovering east London, becoming a chef kingmaker of sorts, huge early success and the hype which comes along with it.

There’s also saffron chat, bay blindness and a deep dive into restaurant communications at Pidgin.

This is TickyOff and it’s pretty much all you have left so appreciate it.

This episode is sponsored by wine hypebeasts

Phil’s fine establishments can be found on Instagram: @bright_restaurant @pfranco_e5 @noblefineliquor

Finally, do visit our Patreon:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP238-THE_CROCODILE_HUNT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:54am EDT

This episode of TickyOff is a true first for humankind. Unlike the moon landings and ventriloquism however, this is real. It’s the first transatlantic episode. That’s right. The TickyOff Two thumb their noses at many vast bodies of water, none more so than the Atlantic. They fling their mouthsounds from these foul green shores of Albion across that pathetic puddle of an ‘ocean’ and in return, from Gotham City aka NYC, they hear the mouthsounds of Youngmi Mayer, comedian and Mission Chinese Food co-owner.

Youngmi brings her usual searing honesty to her life in lockdown, dating online, swearing in front of her son, what it means to be ‘chaotically single’, shutting down the Mission restaurants in San Francisco and New York, and why Beach House are the true sound of dating hookups in 2020.

Before Youngmi arrives Sam looks nice, calls James a turtle and cooked a dish by a disgraced chef. James meanwhile reads a grim recipe by Barbara Cartland and was insulted in the street.

All this plus TickyOff takes another one of it’s patented controversial issue stances, this week they are very anti a certain war criminal. And they all agree that lockdown would be very easy indeed if you got to do it with Tom Hardy.

This episode was a damn joy to record and it will be a damn joy for your ears so wake up and tip it in ‘em.

This episode is sponsored by the true romance novelists of wine

Youngmi can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ymmayer, her podcast @feelingasianpodcast and Instadate Live @instadatelive

Direct download: TKIOF-EP237-CHAOTICALLY_SINGLE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:29am EDT

It’s been a tough week for the TickyOff Boyz with not a whole lot of positives to kick off with. However, things could well be looking up, James has some solo chop-time upcoming alongside a snack of squid. In other cephalopod news Sam heard rumour of some cuttlefish nearby but didn’t find them and instead spent too much money on tomatoes.

Moving past these epic rubbery seafood tales they get to talking bookshelves and the books upon them. Sam bought a fine book from Alcatraz and James reads a lovely passage about a salmon fish from a book he describes as ‘presciently old fashioned’. Delightful.

Then Miles Kirby of Caravan arrives and is seemingly partaking in the pod from the set of ‘Silence Of The Lambs’. Miles is about to whip up some gong bao chicken which sets all three of them reminiscing about the awesome Sichuan cuisine at Bar Shu and what a wonder (friend of the podcast) Fuchsia Dunlop is.

Miles also delivers mouth delivered audio on the Caravan origin story, working for Peter Gordon, and flying to Germany to cook venison in hypermarkets….

There’s also some serious chat on transitioning out of the kitchen, the stress and pressure of personal guarantees to set up restaurants and Caravan’s plans for moving into delivery during these grim old pandemic shaped days.

This episode is sponsored by wine shaped wine delivery kings

Direct download: TKIOF-EP236-BAD_TOWNS_EVERYWHERE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:55am EDT

Right, guess what? It’s still lockdown and jokers are still joking on with jokey joke sourdough. Therefore, The TickyOff Boyz decided as a public service to invite on a real bread whisperer to school you jokers. Martha Delacey (@marthadelacey) is here and she’s upending a yeasty, grainy, floury, rising, dutch oven full of bread related knowledge upon yr joker heads. Martha schools all on not following recipes, calming the hell down and her experiences setting up online classes during lockdown.

Before Martha arrives James befriends Ainsley Harriott, bigs up a pretty weak Beatles album and (it says here in my notes) ‘channels a parrot’. I have less than no idea what that means. You work it out. Let’s be honest, it’s coronavirus and I’m probably off my head.

In other ‘news’ Sam is very rude about an upcoming guest and has started running again, there’s new adverts at the start and they talk about meatballs. If that ain’t groovy, I don’t know what is.

This episode is sponsored by wine shapers and bakers,uk

For more information on all things Martha:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP235-RUBBER_SOUL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:18am EDT

The episode of TickyOff that lies before your ears contains four mouths.
Two of these mouths belong to the TickyOff Boyz. One each. One apiece.
The remaining two mouths belong to the TickyOff Boyz wives.

You come to each episode of TickyOff searching for qualities you cannot find in other podcasts. Traits such as speedy wit, semi-raw sexuality, towering intelligence upon such subjects as ghosts and skillets. Some people would tell you that these things do not in fact exist upon, within, The TickyOff. These people are wrong. At least for this one episode. With their wondrous brides alongside them The TickyOff Two reach new heights of wonderment for the betterment of humankind….

Before they arrive James kicks off at bathtime, sends an aggy email and goes on a rant about the much misunderstood service charge issues facing hospitality. Sam talks about Blink 182 again.

Then Abbie Herlihy and Rosie Ramsden arrive and it becomes very clear, very quickly, that the true power behind the TickyOff Throne, belongs to these two.

Abbie talks about her kids cooking school Kitcheneers and how her parents met inside a windmill. Rosie tells all about her life drawing supper club Charcoal and why she’d pick Goose over Maverick. Meanwhile Sam is puerile, did something grim with a tin of tuna and is attacked by a crow while inside a tent. James disses toastie machines, has a vast collection of decorative napkin rings and doesn’t understand Monopoly.

There might not be a vaccine for coronavirus just yet, but while we wait, there’s TickyOff. Be grateful.

This episode is sponsored by wine test and tracers

For more information on Kitcheneers please visit:

For further information on Charcoal please visit:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP234-MUM_SOUP.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:42am EDT

The very definition of ‘scenes’ on this episode of TickyOff, Sam has grown a moustache. It is foul. Be grateful you cannot see it and only have to hear about it. Meanwhile, James has cooked a disappointing lunch, they both discuss a controversial article by chef Gabrielle Hamilton and Sam completely misunderstands the plot of ‘The Lion King’.

Then author Evie Wyld arrives for her second appearance on the damn pod. Evie’s mouth creates noises which we, and you, interpret via human ears. These noises concern a naked son obsessed with Transformers, not writing during lockdown, socially distanced hangtimes, and how it’s been releasing her new novel ‘The Bass Rock’ into the current pandemic-screwed world.

There’s also a fair measure of serious chat in this episode too regarding looking after your kids, domestic abuse and vulnerable people. But fear not, there’s more than enough time for a long sausage discussion and plenty of jigsaw puzzle chat too.

Hmmm…..TickyOff you say? Yeah, I do. Wake up.

This episode is sponsored by wine peeps

Category:general -- posted at: 5:31am EDT

This episode of TickyOff features a second appearance by Tim Anderson, (@cheftimanderson) chef owner of Nanban and cookbook writer. Tim talks recording the Kitchen Cabinet during lockdown, using up strange flours in his pantry, and the benefits of laugh tracks. Tim also gets into disliking restaurant food despite being a restaurant owner, katsu sandos, caponata and selling his plasma to buy an iPod.

Before Tim arrives, James tries to think of his five perfect films, attempts to film a potato advert and reveals to all exactly what ‘The Rule Of The Twat’ is. Sam meanwhile has a rant about a doomy article, nearly smashes a window, has been teaching his kids to play high stakes poker and is convinced he’s a better guitarist than Prince was.

All of this top drawer, and shelf, content plus Ainsley Harriot, Mark Ruffalo, Stanley Tucci and Drew Barrymore.

If TickyOff was a human, and you were a cannibal, you’d eat it.

This episode is sponsored by the wine delivery version of that ancient old fella walking circles around his garden

Finally, please visit our Patreon site and throw us a few pennies if you can spare 'em for all this incredible life changing content we give're welcome. lol. etc.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP232-ANIMAL_HUMANS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:28am EDT

This episode of Thine TickyOff (we do it all for you because we are kind and generous) features Joe Warwick creating mouthsounds, with his mouth of all things. It’s quite the performance. Joe is fresh from a tricky Instagram Live debut with Rene Redzepi of Noma and Amanda Cohen of Dirt Candy in NYC. Joe makes it very clear that his appearance on TickyOff is a far greater honour than yapping it up with the ant man and the veggie botherer…

Before Joe arrives, Sam ‘reveals’ he’s hungover and once more ‘reveals’ he doesn’t like salmon very much. James ‘reveals’ that he made burgers and also ‘reveals’ that you can now buy a kit with which to make burgers at home. This kit chat then devolves in to a long joke that seems likely to only be found amusing by the TickyOff Boyz themselves and no one else….apologies.

Then Joe shows and these three bros get into The Strokes. More specifically how good a singer Julian Casablancas is and whether or not their new record is any cop.

There’s a long discussion about runners and the etiquette of running during lockdown and Roger Moore comperes the World’s 50 Best Awards. They also cover the fall of influencers, apologising to your children and the hope that we could maybe come out the other side of this crisis a little healthier.

Is this it? No, it’s TickyOff.

This episode is sponsored by fab wine folk

Also, if you could possibly spare a penny or two for the pod in these tricky as all hell times, we'd be most grateful. Hit up our Patreon here:

Direct download: TKIOF-EP231-ZOOM_ON_FIRE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:29am EDT

This episode of The World’s Greatest and Most Popular Podcast Ever Made, Thee TickyOff, features Alex Andreou, writer, cook, man about Twitter and a whole bunch of other stuff no doubt. Alex calls in from Mykonos to discuss burning bread, elongating time, preparing snails for dinner, annoying Italians and some high grade tekkers on how to make a Greek burger. There’s also some very honest, and if I’m being honest, very moving, chat from Alex about caring for his mother in the late stages of her dementia. Maybe you don’t come to TickyOff for that kinda yap, well wake up people. Quiver, meet yet another kinda arrow!

Before Alex arrives James and Sam find time to discuss James’s lovely skull, Sam’s new found urge to Fridge Forage, an extremely dated burger recipe (Shout out to Jimmy O’s Botham Burger!) and they wonder on whether or not horses eat hemp.

It’s still TickyOff, you’re still in lockdown. Wake up.

This episode is sponsored by wine twinkle twinkle little stars

Direct download: TKIOF-THE_SNAIL_AND_THE_WAIL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:34am EDT

James has shaved his head. It looks decent. Sam has recently eaten a saveloy in a mildly disturbing manner. And with a foundation like that, how could The TickyOff Boyz fail to deliver yet another episode of podcastical genius?
Spoiler alert, they don’t fail. It’s an absolute aural triumph that the world should be very grateful for indeed.
Today they are ably assisted by food writer Jonathan Nunn. Jonathan discusses lockdown forcing him back into the kitchen, his fear of baking and how much weight he’s lost since being unable to dine out every night.
He also talks about Vittles, his newly launched food newsletter, why the sourdough trope is ultimately a good thing and why platforming new voices in food is vital.
There’s also time to discuss a controversial piece, the slow destruction of London communities and what in all hell anyone hopes the food world will or could look like post Coronavirus.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine wanderers across London

Direct download: TKIOF-EP229-KEYSER_SOZE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:15am EDT

This Easter episode of Thee Most Holy TickyOff features a second appearance by chef and owner of King restaurant in NYC, Jess Shadbolt (@jessieshad) Jess is in lockdown in the wilds of Essex fighting over her mother’s stove, drinking lots of rose and watching Floyd get drunk across France in some relaxing British cookery television classics.
Jess describes the coronavirus shutdown of NYC, how she’s trying to keep her business afloat, the coming together of the US hospitality industry and her fears for the future of New York’s dining scene.

Before all this absolutely top drawer Jess content there’s more than enough time for Sam to startle a pig and for James to potentially poison himself.

Finally, somehow, there is also room in this episode for a dream about Rene Redzepi and a horse and Sam reveals the secrets of ‘Maff’s Meat Drawer’…..

It’s TickyOff, and it is risen, like a dough of some sort.

This episode is sponsored by wine delivery merchants

Category:general -- posted at: 6:28am EDT

This was the last episode of TickyOff recorded within the hallowed walls of the hallowed TickyOff Towers. Said episode was recorded at the start of the coronavirus hell that we all find ourselves in. Please forgive any comments underestimating the challenge that would present itself to us all following this. We didn’t know. We ain’t Marty McFly. And James ain’t Doc Brown.

Anyway, its a great damn episode. Sami Tamimi and Tara Wigley of the Ottolenghi empire are here to talk their new book ‘Falastin’, nature vs nurture, facial tattoos and a rat-catcher named Spiderman.

Sam wants to open a Nobu in Malibu. James wants to work with other people’s wives. Sami may want to open a swingers club and Tara was obsessed with Buddy Holly.

It’s TickyOff, and while it fully respects social distancing measures, it flips the bird at people being bland.

This episode is sponsored by wine fellows

Direct download: TKIOF-EP227-THE_DAY_BEFORE_TOMORROW.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:56am EDT

John Craven of 'Newsround' fame is sadly not on Thee TickyOff today. If I’m being entirely honest then I can’t remember why I named this episode ‘John Craven’. All I know is that John Craven is mentioned at some stage. I wonder how John Craven is. I hope he’s holed up with his loved ones and taking good care of himself. Great jumpers, great news related mouth sounds, great guy.

Anyway, J Crave ain’t here but we have someone far better, Zoe Adjonyoh is here. Zoe utilises her mouth to create noises that we can hear via our ears. These sounds concern such topics as growing up Irish/Ghanaian, the community kitchen she’s in the process of setting up, protectionism and tokenism, and also hang-gliding in America.

Before Zoe shows up, The TickyOff Two chat up some solid gold content, there’s a very wet lasagne, Taika Waititi at Sons + Daughters, nasal science and James’s triumphant return to Twitter.

Also, to help with Zoe's crowdfunder please go here:

This episode is sponsored by wine gods and monsters

Direct download: TKIOF-EP226-JOHN_CRAVEN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:49am EDT

Yeah yeah yeah. TickyOff is back. Wake up. What else do you have to do with your time?
Today James and Sam kick off with some lockdown boozing chat, a little Michael Gove yap and they wonder a while on whether their wives should guest upon the TickyOff.

Then Ryan Riley of Life Kitchen appears before them digitally via the new found miracle of video conferencing technology and those two digital mouths become three digital mouths and all three mouths speak, digitally on a number of topics. These include Ryan’s origin story to setting up Life Kitchen following the death of his mother, his move back up North, going on ‘Lorraine’ and what to do with one’s hands on ‘Saturday Kitchen’.
There’s also a deep dive into creating flavour in dishes for people with compromised palates due to medical treatment, synergistic umami and a taco made from pineapple.

All this plus, Sam yet again thinks baked potatoes are far too hot and James makes soup for his kids. Wow. Hot spuds and bad soup equals good TickyOff times.

This episode is sponsored by wine delivery folk for humanity

Direct download: TKIOF-EP225-THE_ONE_POUND_SIDE_BET.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:05am EDT

Today on the damn TickyOff cook and author Jack Monroe is back. Jack reveals all about their hashtag #jackmonroeslockdownlarder and what’s been going on at Tin Can Cook HQ since the coronavirus lockdown began. It seems to involve twenty one hour work days, an undercut rapidly growing out of control and the wearing of many hats. Jack also discusses maintaining their sobriety during this crisis, why stewed steak is a great product and wondering why the Daily Mail is now being nice.

Before Jack arrives via the digital ether, James and Sam go deep on their initial experiences of lockdown with their respective families, homeschooling victories and failures, the Diego Maradona documentary and what James found when he cleared out under the stairs.

There’s also time for Sam’s hair to reach ridiculous proportions, James quotes a great joke by a disgraced comedian and they all wonder just how people are managing to keep up affairs while confined to their houses.

It’s TickyOff, and whatever happens, it’ll survive.

Today’s episode is sponsored by wine pedlars for the end of days

Category:general -- posted at: 8:54am EDT

The second episode in yer ears this week was recorded, in a first for TickyOff Technologies, via Zoom. So forgive the occasionally ratty sound quality, we’ll get better. One positive is, for anyone who dislikes James, his signal sucked so he vanishes for large swathes of the pod. However he does then pop up near the end with an absolute worldy of a zinger concerning Richard Gere.

In the midst of this technological ballyhoo, praise be to writer, restaurateur, journalist and all round legend Tim Hayward who shows up virtually to regale all, and indeed sundry, with word from his family bakery Fitzbillies in Cambridge, project dishes and the sheer joy of creative labour.

There’s obviously a bit of early coronovirus chat but then these three digitally united mouths make digitally transmitted mouth sounds on a bunch of calming and actually pretty damn interesting topics such as the origin of tuna melts, the wonder of an assembly line and also, why TickyOff is so damn vital in a time of crisis.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine suppliers to locked down folk everywhere

Also we’d be most touched if you could possibly visit our Patreon at:

Category:general -- posted at: 5:27am EDT

This episode of TickyOff was recorded before the sweeping shut down of restaurants across the UK. Humble apologies therefore for any out of date statements. Having said that, if you’re listening to TickyOff for well considered and cutting edge thoughts…you’ve got bigger problems to focus on.

This week James and Sam are joined by Neil Rankin, chef and owner of Simplicity Burger on Brick Lane in London.
Neil utilises his mouth to create sounds concerning good agriculture, why he decided to get into vegan burgers and a childhood haunting in Edinburgh.
Meanwhile James takes a swing at a beloved institution and Sam has a weird idea for a panacotta recipe.

There’s also time for quantum mechanics and a tag team wrestling match.

It’s Tickyoff, and in times like these, sometimes there’s nothing better.

Wake up. And self-isolate. And wash your hands. And don’t stockpile.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine suppliers for the apocalypse

Also, this:

***Hi everyone. Crumbs. You'd think we'd be amused by an actual ghost town but it's not really very funny anymore. We've both come off payroll and are doing our best to keep the roof on at S+D and Pidgin. We're also going to keep doing the podcast because we feel everyone is going to need a little light entertainment in these coming months. Guests may be hit and miss and can join at their discretion. Anyway. At the risk of going a little cap-in-hand, we've set up a Patreon account.

That means you can support the podcast - and, you know, us - by bunging us a few quid each month. Absolutely no pressure at all but if you felt moved to do so then we would be eternally grateful and will give you a shout out on the show. Thanks so much.***

Direct download: TKIOF-EP222-LEATHER_GLOVES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:00am EDT

This special episode of TickyOff features Will Beckett of the Hawksmoor restaurant group discussing the impact of the Covid-19 virus on the world of hospitality.
James, Sam and Will discuss the impact on Pidgin, Sons + Daughters and the Hawksmoor restaurants around the country. They answer some questions received through Twitter and Instagram and discuss the hospitality industry’s response.
This is an extremely fast moving situation and perhaps TickyOff isn’t the perfect medium to discuss it. We felt however that a special episode to address honestly the challenges we and others are facing in the food world might be interesting to people.
Do keep yourselves safe and well, and fear not, normal dumb and wacky TickyOff service will resume soon.

Category:general -- posted at: 12:40pm EDT

Today on TickyOff, the TO2 begin with no energy, a frog orgy, a roti to the face of a small screaming child and some really interesting hat chat. With a power start like this, there’s only one way to go, up. Up in a lift, as Sam rambles on about lifts in restaurants for way too long.

The reason behind all these elevator mouth sounds is soon revealed when this week’s guest arrives. Patrick Powell is the chef behind Allegra in Stratford and Allegra has itself a fine lift situation. Fortunately for all concerned lift chat is soon left behind and three mouths in three human faces begin sounding out human words concerning treating your staff right, inspiration from Melbourne, celery and the up and coming great restaurants of Ireland.

Patrick dishes up tales from his days as head chef at The Chiltern Firehouse including Bono trying to find the toilet and Bruce Springsteen’s deep fascination with restaurant HVAC systems. Patrick also discusses opening Allegra, building a great kitchen, Star Trek, and bungee jumps.

Finally there’s just enough time for a walking tree, a little man in the snow and banshees screaming in the sky.

This week's episode is sponsored by wine myths and legends

Direct download: TKIOF-EP221-BONO_IN_THE_COLD_ROOM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:39am EDT

Revolutionary moments happen rarely in life. This week could well be one of them however. This week The TickyOff Boyz are releasing, for the very first time in TickyOff history, Episode 220. They have never before released the two hundred and twentieth episode of the podcast. That’s right, this week, history is made. Be there at the birth of something incredible. Download this episode and become pioneers, brave voyagers, the lucky few on the cutting edge of cultural achievement. We are thankful, mainly to ourselves and I guess a tiny bit to you, that we have reached this totemic moment in human discourse.

This week, chef, man of nature, author, tv chap and all round lovely tall fellow Valentine Warner is here and he’s talking the Lofoten Islands in Norway, snow grouse, art college, Alistair Little and bizarre goings on involving goats, an octopus and a sawmill. It’s nothing if not highly erotic. Valentine also gets very honest on grieving, divorce, and moving on from television.

Before Valentine arrives James and Sam yap egg pellets, asteroids and doctors of the penis. There’s also time to pitch Netflix on The TickyOff Show, why the Obamas are bored, homemade stock discussion and an eerie tale of a ghostly deer in the woods.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine hunters and gatherers

Category:general -- posted at: 11:38am EDT

The greatest night in podcast history lies before your ear holes. Mouth sounds delivered with panache, aplomb and lets be very honest here, a semi-raw eroticism.
The TickyOff Awards 2020. A recording which will no doubt go down in the annals of humankind. Whatever ‘annals’ are.
Sam is wearing a delightful couture gown. James, a horsehair tuxedo. Together they raise the art of award show hosting to levels hitherto unknown by homosapiens.

Before the awards begin The TickyOff Boyz also deliver firm opinions and magnetic personality in the first TickyOff AUA (That's an 'Ask Us Anything', dummies)

Expect runners, riders, a food world Royal Rumble, an attack by a sea beast, a delightful bucolic lunch and a huge upset in the Best Potato Dish category which makes the whole ‘Moonlight’ and ‘La La Land’  Warren Beatty kerfuffle look like something... very small and unimportant indeed.

This week’s awards show is sponsored by Academy Award Winners Of Wine,

Direct download: TKIOF-EP219-THE_TICKYOFF_AWARDS_2020.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:43am EDT

Yeah yeah, it’s TickyOff again. It’s another week, another episode, yet another glittering aural extravaganza that has put James and Sam on the covers of Time Magazine, Pulitzer Weekly, The Hollywood Reporter, Nuts, Railway Modeller, Playgirl and The Chichester District Council in-house quarterly. Verbal performances at this level have also seen The TickyOff Two hosting world events such as The Oscars, The Grammys, Rear Of The Year and that restaurant magazine one sponsored by a Spanish beer company that they never get invited to…

This week begins very strangely as James calls Sam ‘mate’, which he has never ever done. It’s weird but they push on into organ donation, Egyptian death rituals and a horrific toad in the hole that James made.

Then author of ‘The Flavour Thesaurus’ and ‘Lateral Cooking’, Niki Segnit arrives and things take a turn towards parenting twins, recipe genealogy and the benefits of using cup measurements. They also discuss James's very odd 1950’s breakfast set-up, Niki’s vast and deep seated Radiohead obsession and the zen that can be found in utter boredom. Furthermore, a real gang of folk are discussed including David Foster Wallace, John Nash, John Lanchester and Nicole Kidman.

All this plus, vampires vs werewolves, ‘Shallow Grave’ and why Baileys is proper underrated.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine genius type folk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP218-OK_CLAFOUTIS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:50am EDT

It’s a low energy start for Thee TickyOff Boyz this week. James deep dives into a steaming bowl full of pommes aligot while Sam has again been watching far too many films. They discuss cold rice, drinking paraffin and drinking tequila. Sam also finds time to take a few more swings at a friend of the podcast for a shoddy salad recipe.

Then Tim Siadatan of Trullo and Padella fame shows up and things get deep on the excitement of pre-opening a restaurant, new kit giddiness, following up a hit and the benefits to biding your time with expansion. Tim also reveals his stoned-golf playing days, the all round good vibes of Jamie Oliver and his heady days as a microwave chef in a Reading shopping centre.

These three mouths go on to mouth off on whether or not The River Cafe is a rip-off, why horses can only kick with their back legs, Annie Lennox, Freddie Krueger and Lee Tiernan. PLUS there is yet more goddamn cacio e pepe discussion….

This week’s episode is sponsored by minimal ingredient purity maestros

Direct download: TKIOF-EP217-CACIO_CONUNDRUM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:51am EDT

TickyOff is back! Back with a new episode after last week’s episode of TickyOff. That is correct. Your ears do not deceive you. TickyOff has returned seven days after it was last within your ears. It is truly un be god damn lievable….

This week we begin with a strange few minutes of yap involving Dr Dolittle, Grayson Perry, Daniel Day Lewis and Roald Dahl. Baffling, inane, nonsensical perhaps, but classic TickyOff all the same.
Then hospitality PR titans Gemma Bell and Alice Grier of Gemma Bell And Company arrive and both the verbal wheels and the chat gloves come off.

Gemma and Alice patiently explain the whats, whys and whens of the world of PR from how to be a good client to a deep dive into how the London restaurant world has changed over the last ten years. Sam compares restaurants to old dogs needing haircuts, James explains all about his beloved out-of-office email manoeuvres and all four corners of this incredible…. babble cube eat cakes from Ottolenghi.

All this plus, lonely farmers, the heady days of Marco Pierre White’s Titanic restaurant, weird boots, ‘Pretty Woman’ and an extremely unimpressive idea for a new barbershop based business.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Jack and Rose of wine,

Direct download: TKIOF-EP216-TITANIC.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:39am EDT

Hello. This is TickyOff. If you don’t know the drill by now then wake up. This is the 215th episode of this jazzy chat based ballyhoo and it’s a damn fine one.
This week James opens huge with a long chat about an imaginary engine, goes to the pub with his children and has a weird obsession with doughnuts. Sam just about manages to equal this unbelievably top rate chat by de-icing cats, arguing with a customer about sourdough and possibly becoming pregnant.
Then chef and restaurateur Gary Usher arrives and one of the great pyramidical mouthnoise structures is aurally created for you. Gary has had a chat with a cabbie, made himself redundant in his own business and came up short in a 'This Morning' screentest. He may also, possibly, have been watching ‘The Fugitive’ in the back seat of his car and/or eating sausages with a spoon. Like much of TickyOff, it’s a little unclear.
Despite such weapons grade hilarity, this episode features some very honest reflections on regret, social media, the frustrations of the restaurant industry and taking responsibility.
Episode two one five proves once more that there is pretty much nothing the TickyOff Boyz can’t deliver on the podcast stage. From addled nonsense to tearful confession, TickyOff is basically Amazon Prime for human emotion, just minus the awful working conditions and the fella with the naughty videos on his phone. Know this.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Prime of wine

Direct download: TKIOF-EP215-THE_BEAMER_PART_ONE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:38am EDT

This week on the end of the pier/end of the world podcast TickyOff, James and Sam are joined by Robin Gill, chef and restaurateur behind a whole bunch of fine restaurants including The Dairy, Darby’s, and Sorella. Robin has the ability to make sounds using his mouth and he puts this skill to perfect use on the podcast. Said sounds include opening his new place, proposing to his wife after one week, giving his son a very cool name and a discussion of the insanely good chorizo at Asador Etxebarri.

Before Robin appears, The TickyOff Boyz sell a whole bunch of joy, ride a horse while drunk and smoke at school. James goes to Silo, offends a charity for the blind and sucks pennies to avoid jail time. Sam reviews ‘1917’, previews Christopher Nolan’s new film ‘Tenet’ , looks at a slideshow of grim eye afflictions and considers just how similar Rasputin and Charles Manson looked.

All this top grade nonsense plus Irishmen with their own farms, Val Kilmer in ‘Willow’, Robin’s mashed potato tekkers and James gets called ‘a conker on a string’…..

This week’s episode is sponsored by the ‘chicken and egg question’ of the world of wine

Direct download: TKIOF-EP214-GILL_COMMUNICATION.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:10am EDT

Welcome to the year 2020, potentially the final year of mankind’s existence on Planet Earth. Along with cockroaches, scientists believe that the only creatures that could survive the coming apocalypse will be The TickyOff Boyz . It is unclear why they think this and how they expect one horse and one grumpy ghost obsessive to repopulate the planet. The TickyOff Two are however, willing to give it a try.

Before you all die though, here is Episode 213 to pour aurally into your ears. Vice and Time Out (among many others) journalist Angela Hui is here and she’s brought crisps. She’s also brought G Ramsay chat, Asian Flush yap and a portion of babble concerning a holy place, Chippy Alley in Cardiff. There’s also time for Sufjan Stevens, Greggs and the benefits to having woolly hands.

Before Angela arrives, James makes a stupidly boozy gravy, has a lovely pair of new boots and has started dressing like evil chucklehead Dominic Cummings. Sam meanwhile has a sushi and dog walking face off with the singer from Razorlight in Osaka. It’s quite the tale of fish and hounds.

This weeks episode is sponsored by wine knights of the apocalypse drop

Direct download: TKIOF-EP213-HANDS_OF_WOOL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:28am EDT