The Kitchen Is On Fire

In a land without rules, in a world without the rule of law, on a planet overrun by robots with nothing but mankind's very downfall taking up the entirety of their robotic mental headspace, there's only two dudes with the mouths to make sounds entirely ignoring such topics. Those two 'men' are James and Sam and this week, the holes on the front of their skulls are working overtime upon the following 'subjects':

It's not Sam's birthday.

James has shaved his face.

They went to Lisbon to a bar with a sex shop in it.

Sam disses a beloved chicken guy.

And if all that miracle chat wasn't more than enough, King of Polpo Russell Norman shows up to hurl Venice specific knowledge around as if it is in fact no thing.

How to get recipes from locals, the Polpo origin story, tricky expansion and Russell's opinion of horses is all covered in great depth and detail. There's also time for Russell's sexy coat, saveloy chat and a truly grim sounding fish dish that RN assures the TickyOff Boyz is lush....

This week GUESS who is sponsoring our sorry backsides???

Yep, wine GODS and vodka DEITIES

Direct download: TKIOF-EP158-IMAGINARY_BENIHANA.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:47pm EDT

'Verily' they did doth say.....
except I don’t know what 'verily' means and I don’t know who they are. The only 'they' I know is James and Sam off of the Tickyoff.
They don’t say 'verily', they say all these things instead, from those holes up front on their lovely faces.
This week TickyOff HQ smells strongly of kimchi so they leave the window open and then sing ‘Man In The Mirror’ by Mickey Jackson. Fortunately, keen-bean Tess Ward turns up and they get into wellness, influencers, Mental Health Day and Fairtrade. It’s not all big big topics though. James is confused by placentas and gives a perhaps overly detailed description of a video featuring Cristiano Ronaldo. Tess hates mayo, loves bio-gas and knows a lot about biohacking. Sam has been made homeless, wrote two unpublished books and doesn’t like Chris Martin from the band some call IcyFun but others know only as Coldplay.
Who knows how much wonder one pod can hold but somehow there’s also time for Tess’s bar raising stoner food classics, a rye bread heist and the day that Pidgin nearly killed Jon Snow from a show some people call ‘Fun With Posh Chairs’ and others know only as ‘Game Of Thrones’.
Oh excuse me is that the doorbell?
Yes it is. It’s someone coming to tell me how awesome TKIOF is. I know how good it is. Do not bother my doorbell again please. Thank you.

This week's episode is sponsored by vino legends and vodka mentalists

Also go check out the awesome work being done by the wonderful folk at

Direct download: TKIOF-EP157-PINKING_FOR_QUINCES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:25am EDT

It's a big week for James in this episode as he visits Coombeshead Farm, is assaulted by a cat and gets dosed with some high strength snus by this week's guest. In Sam news, he has become addicted to doughnuts and become stocky. James believes these two events may be linked....

Eater London editor Adam Coghlan then makes his second appearance upon the TickyOff and they get into Michelin in a big way. Brat, Ikoyi, Phil Howard, diversity, an algorithm to create the perfect inspector. It's a lot, a lot of tire themed restaurant chat.

After that there's just enough time for Chubby Checker chat, yet more borlotti bean chat and Adam to take a big swing at Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Hashtag, chat.

This week is sponsored by wine legends and vodka legends

Direct download: TKIOF-EP156-DEAD_RUBBER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:19am EDT