The Kitchen Is On Fire

It was a dark and stormy night….
No it wasn’t!
That’s a complete lie!
Wool, meet my pulling hands, meet your eyeballs!
It was an early evening in London in June. Therefore, British Summer Time. So it wasn’t dark and it wasn’t night and the weather was fine.
What a trickster I am. And you totally bought it. Unlucky.

Anyway, the scene is now set. Great British Bake Off series one winner Edd Kimber turned up at the TickyOff Towers and two mouths became three mouths and sounds from those mouths were heard. From all three mouths. 'Twah boosh' as our Gallic pals might say.

There’s Paul Hollywood chat, Edd’s new deep dive into sourdough, baking in Israel, the best bun and everyone’s favourite windy day activities.

Sam eats a taxi driver’s cookie in New York. James turns on Sam. Edd gets his revenge on the kids who bullied him at school and they all eat delicious yucca flour based treats.

Oh and before Edd arrives, The TickyOff Two go very long and very deep on a mysterious business card belonging to a man who can raise the dead, stop evil eyes in their evil tracks and may or may not be able to fix James’s poor quality golf swing.

This is TickyOff and it sure is swell.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the witchy wine voodoo of those wacky kids at

Category:general -- posted at: 11:17am EDT

The TickyOff Boyz have been present at many of the greatest events in human history. When the pyramids were being built Sam was there, complaining that all of the snacks had too much honey in them. When JFK was shot, James was grazing on the grassy knoll. They were both at the filming of the ‘Big Break’ season 14 finale when John Virgo finally had enough of boorish scumbag Jim Davidson, clobbered him about the head with a snooker cue and started feeding him those blue chalk cubes.
They were also present in TickyOff Towers a week or so ago when Emma Underwood, legendary GM of newly opened Darby’s in London showed up to utilise her mouth to create audible noises on a wide variety of subjects.
This is a record of this world-cleaving event, Episode 190: Welcome To Woho.

Revel in Emma’s origin story from anarcha-feminist PhD to working for Gary Usher! Thrill to Sam using too many spoons! Listen in awe as James says ‘hella’ a lot!

This triangular chat-based cohort also manage to discuss diversity in hiring, windmills, mentorship, moats and Marcus Wareing’s stag do.

It’s TickyOff, and you should know by now, it’s very special indeed.

This week’s episode is sponsored by wine mavens

Direct download: TKIOF-EP190-WELCOME_TO_WOHO.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:23am EDT

Sam and James went to a donut* shop in Brooklyn.
The donut shop is owned by Wylie Dufresne.
Wylie Dufresne is a legend among chefs for his pioneering work at the sadly now closed WD50 and Alder.
He then decided to open the aforementioned donut shop.
They sell donuts.
Which are lush.
They also sell a grilled cheese and egg sandwich which is also, lush.
Wylie Dufresne very kindly agreed to trade off mouth noises with James and Sam.
So that’s what happened.
And that’s what this is.
A TickyOffWorld first, a bonus episode.
Wylie Dufresne is a lovely dude.
Sam and James are lovely dudes, on occasion.
Happy Christmas people!
You are, at least a little, welcome.

*It's Gotham, that's the spelling

This week’s episode is sponsored by the kind and generous people at

Direct download: TKIOF-BONUS_POD-DONUT_MATHS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:42am EDT

The TickyOff Boyz have sailed across the North Sea in a galleon. A traverse which no one has ever managed to survive despite humankind attempting it for millennia. Upon reaching the far shore, James and Sam discover a strange land, a city named Gotham, and a vast number of sandwiches.
Fortunately for you they record their discoveries and provide great insight into them by rubbing their teeth together and shaking their tongues to create mouth sounds which your ear bones can detect.

They have made this incredible, and brave, journey on a research trip to discover whether the people of Gotham can make better sandwiches than the TickyOff Gang. It turns out, no they can’t. They also see some spooky black smoke, are yelled at by a taxi driver called Dennis and they eat a pickle-packet on a busy intersection. James tries to outwit a buffet, Sam has fallen deep into a Coldplay shaped rabbit-hole and they both wonder, once more, where exactly Jackson Boxer has got stuck this week.

Then they meet up with chef and co-owner of King restaurant Jess Shadbolt and things get more than real. Jess adds her mouth noises to proceedings concerning restaurant scene camaraderie, disastrous services, the realities of running a restaurant in NYC and advice and help from food world heavyweights Dave Chang, Gabrielle Hamilton and Will Beckett from Hawksmoor. Will also seems to pop up throughout the pod as everyone thinks that he and the drummer from Coldplay may well be the same person.

There’s also time for flapJack, a lot of borlotti bean chat, ’Sleepless In Seattle’ and Sam and James reveal exactly what Le Page is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the kind and generous people at and by the Bane and Batman of wine at

Category:general -- posted at: 6:23am EDT

It’s another week in TickyOff Land and that can mean only one thing; the moon has circled Jupiter once again, it’s orbit controlled, as science tells us, by magma, magnets and mountains sinking into the Earth’s mantle, or crust.

Now there’s a paragraph that made close to no sense. Much like most of Episode 188. James has been to Sweden and is fascinated by deceased actor Powers Boothe. Sam has been camping and believes old people to be dry to the touch.
There’s a return of new segment ‘Where’s Jackson Boxer Stuck?’, there’s morteau sausage cooked on a fire, anthrax from dead deer and we finally work out exactly what Postman Pat and Mrs Goggins get up to when Pat ‘visits’.

Then chef and restaurateur Tom Aikens arrives and sounds created in his lungs, as science tells us, are delivered into the ears of the human race. These sounds concern his new steakhouse in Abu Dhabi, running a frankly ludicrous number of marathons, his origin story from Norfolk alongside his twin brother, and a blue cheese addiction which pretty much gets out of control.

A selection of other noises erupting from Tom include old school restaurant culture, working for Pierre Koffmann and what happened when he sat astride a runaway race horse.

This week’s episode is sponsored by sausages.
That’s a lie. It’s sponsored by


Direct download: TKIOF-EP188-BEWARE_MRS_BENDY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:53am EDT

Gary Rhodes in his spiky-haired prime, delicately basting a filet of beef with foaming butter…

Nigel Kennedy in an Aston Villa shirt picking out a heartrending melody on his violin…

Les Dennis effortlessly controlling a studio audience with wit, good looks, and pure charm…

All masters in their respective fields. Operating at the very top of their games. Providing inspiration, inspiring jealousy, moving humankind forward, showing the way. Proving what is possible with God-given talent and almost superhuman dedication.

None even come close to James Reginald Colin Ramsden talking about postboxes on this week’s TickyOff. None.

It’s obviously slightly downhill after a start as incredible as this one but music photographer Edu Hawkins steps up and more than holds his own.
He provides ample mouth-created sounds about photographing BB King, Gil Scott Heron, Jarvis Cocker, and perhaps less impressively, Ed Sheeran.
There’s also New Orleans food discussion, the problem with The Foo Fighters and strange toilets in restaurants.
Finally, Sam is very anti reckless activity, James reviews Gloria Trattoria, Edu can’t burp and they all decide what they’d want to see if they peeled the skin of their faces off.

This is TickyOff and if you don’t know what you’ve signed up for, then read the small print ya phony!

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Levi Roots of wine

Direct download: TKIOF-EP187-KILLER_PHOTOGRAPHY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:14am EDT