The Kitchen Is On Fire (Food)

It's the 21st June, aka the Summer Solstice, aka the longest day of the year, aka the day James and Sam decide to show just how square they are. They ponder a remake of the Rock involving a terror threat at Goodwood Golf Course, as well as cartoon pornography, Believe by Cher, and the Pidgin 100 Menu Party. James apologises for being accidentally rude about a chef. Sam does a none too shabby vocoder impression. Are hippies really having more fun? Was James and Sam's She Loves You karaoke effort really the highlight of the Pidgin second birthday party? And would Nick Cage put in a performance as a plucky caddy? Find out the answer to these burning kitchens in this week's the Question Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP104-THE_PLUCKY_CADDY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:35pm EST

Dense treats, rat tails, poisons and the Ebola virus are all on the dummie's agenda this week. Sam struggles with his fame, James struggles to the cook the correct amount of eggs while drunk. Confusion reigns throughout TKIOFLand as to just what in all hell a 'tapir' looks like and there's another advert, this time from a friendly zookeeper! All this plus they profess their love and adoration for an incredibly beautiful man. Classic TKIOF vibes, standard TKIOF level of discourse.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP97-TAPIR_OF_TRUTH.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:15am EST

Things get close to dangerous on this weeks TKIOF with discussion of a politically lethal topic. In other news Sam's geography skills are borderline /flat-out idiotic and James blows his nose a lot. There is a flurry of toasted nuts, a long discussion of a dieting darts player and someone uses the word 'cookery'. Yet another podcast delivered to the very highest of standards from your friendly neighbourhood dummies at The Kitchen Is On Fire. Namaste!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP94-_HAM_CULT.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:11pm EST

Sam and James are back at the restaurant, of a Wednesday morning. Mickey is cleaning windows. The postman drops in. The plumber arrives. It's all go. It's also hard to focus, but they manage to find time to discuss some pretty big topics including celebrities who look like students, 80s sex moves, and consciousness. Sam's just returned from visiting Montreal restaurants Joe Beef and Au Pied du Cochon. James had a dream about a spider. Is Sam lazy? Does the human soul exist? Did Mickey actually have a boner last week? And just how indecent was the proposal in the film Indecent Proposal? Find out all this AND SO MUCH MORE in this week's TKIOF. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP93-PODUS_INTERRUPTUS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:41am EST

The great and aforementioned Micky the window cleaner makes a brief and somewhat traumatic appearance, setting up a long discussion on when it is and isn't appropriate to show one's arousal, fishing, partying in 1st class, and getting surprised by offal. Sam bought more Cheerios. James ate liver at school. What happened to Gary Rhodes? Why is Rick Stein increasingly seeming like a weird old uncle? Will Micky be a thorn in the side of Amazon's drone programme? All this and more, in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-THE_WRONG_ROD.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:06am EST

The boys are in the kitchen, cooking up some medicine. Or, if you will, some delicious snacks for their new bar, Enfant Terrible. This is their bid for a TV show, make no mistake. Consequently they discuss smoked oysters, cranberry sauce, Laurel and Hardy and toasties. Sam nearly had a Twitter 'beef' regarding AA Gill's passing. James reveals he once wore a nightshirt. Is the word 'spicy' too Frankie and Benny's? How much bread is too much bread? And is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory really a not-very-subtle reference to what you see when you look up Grandpa Joe's nightie? Find out all this, and more, in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP89-NIGHTSHIRT_NIGHTMARES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:17am EST

There's a new president-elect and James and Sam are about as damn chuffed about this as everyone else. They cheer themselves up by discussing Hollyoaks actresses of yore, but can't help returning to discussing The Donald's diet of lemonade and fast food, as well as the new New York Michelin stars, chef Gabriel Kreuther, and cows' anuses. Sam roasted a topside of beef. James got bullied by a Pidgin customer. How many nuts do you need to buy for the apocalypse? What is the sixth quarter? And just how 'bulk' can you go? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP88-BULK_BUYING_FOR_GOD.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:31am EST

A by-now legendary after-service recording occurs on Sam's birthday, with a debut appearance from 'sweet' Caitlin McDonald and yet another bizarre and shouty cameo from restaurant manager Jamie. They discuss honest criticism, arsehole volcanoes and whether people find James and Sam sexy. Sam has spent the day with sore testicles. James makes the strangest noise Sam has ever heard. What is a nugget? Why is Jamie shouting at Caitlin? What is a fish witch? Find out this week on the Kitchen Is On Fire.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP87-SWEET_CAITLIN_MCDONALD.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:56am EST

Sam and James' tails are up since their restaurant, Pidgin, was awarded a Michelin star. They agree it's time to knuckle down before moving onto in-depth discussions about yogurt on toast, Bristol restaurants, Spanish breakfast buffets, and Dutch food. Sam heroically brings about the return of the 'Obscene Ingredient' segment. James humiliates himself. Are navy outfits camp? Is Latin still a legitimate dinner-time language? And just what is the pecking order for eggs at a buffet? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP86-EQUAL_OPPORTUNITY_EGG_COOKERY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:33am EST

Sam and James are hanging out in James's office, much to his creepy delight. They chew over a debate they went to last week on French food, as well as pondering classic Italian restaurants featuring Kenny Rogers and quizzes in Paris. James bought a grouse. Sam is near-tumescent at his cavolo nero-heavy dinner at Pidgin. Why is James uneasy? What does kicking up the leaves mean? And can you milk Moby? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP85-_MOBY_MILKING.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 5:52am EST

After a summer hiatus our heroes return to give Pidgin restaurant manager Margot a send-off before she heads to South America. The funereal vibe doesn't last, and over a few drinks they cover organ donation, the colour of blood, arseless chaps and Mother Teresa. Sam eats a sausage. James doesn't think he could kill Sam. Margot is a Norse goddess. Is it racist to confuse Tina Turner and Whitney Houston? Will Margot miss them? How long is an era? Find out this week....

Direct download: TKIOF-EP83-_MARGOTS_FUNERAL_PARTY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:38am EST

After a brief hiatus the boys are back - to the future! And my word, the things they have seen. Nanobots taking over the planet, murderous toasters, people who can eat entire pint glasses, and cockroach milk. They also ponder the world's first 3D restaurant, the event horizon, and the resurrection of laptops. In many ways it's their most coherent effort yet, though they still find time to discuss food - egg sandwiches, cornichons, merguez sausages and Jeremy Beadle's diet are all scrutinised. Don't eat it all at once. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP81-TOMORROWS_WORLD.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:00am EST

We begin with an apology to a listener for offending her with the boys' gross toasty mouths. They soon divert attention by accusing Louis Armstrong of dishonesty and Guy Fieri of grotesque bigotry. Sam went to Reykjavik with his mum. James nearly killed Kit Harrington. Do we have all the time in the world? Where do genitals go when you hug? And just how atrocious an actor is Ben Affleck? Find out all this and more in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP79-RESPECT_THE_BATFLECK.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:23am EST

The people of Britain have spoken and the results are clear: Pidgin hasn't made it into the Restaurant Awards top 100. Sam is angry but pragmatic. James makes some toast. They discuss drinking champagne on the rocks, Gordon Ramsay's new app (again), and that timeless Tom Selleck film 'Runaway'. James talks about his graffiti shame. Sam thinks he has ADHD. Would they make good politicians? What happens when you chuck Dairylea at the ceiling? Can robots make bisque? Find out this week.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP78-UNIVERSAL_INDICATOR.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:07am EST

In a pre-referendum environment James and Sam are full of optimism and cheer. They ponder the temptation to do something truly reckless, why people grin during arguments, and Nigel Farage's abortive use of the term 'chinky'. James thinks lemon drizzle cake is delicious and reads his food diary, in which he eats pizza twice in one day. Sam can't remember what he cooked at the weekend due to alcohol intake but talks about sandwiches at length. What does the naked restaurant smell like? Is there life after death? And, when it comes to garlic, how much frotting is really necessary? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP77-A_RIGHT_HANDFUL.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:15am EST

Over a steadying can of Special Brew the boys convene once more to tackle some of life's more profound topics, including the Highway Code, kryptonite condoms, and suckling pig. Sam shares his food diary for the week and talks about getting depressed and eating Sour Patch Kids. James says the most racist thing ever. How saucy is a dansak? What foul thing did Margot do? And just what are the tasting notes for Special Brew?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP76-A_MANURE_FILLED_HORN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 11:46am EST

After a year of recording amidst the din of their restaurant, Pidgin, Sam and James find themselves back at James's breakfast table with a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. They ponder such big questions as to whether it is better to be good or right, the etiquette of keys parties, and whether or not John Travolta has killed anyone. Sam thinks he should win a Pulitzer. James puts a reminder in the barbecue. Is the guy from Crowded House a genius? Who has been the worst TKIOF guest? And just how brilliant is Sam? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP75-PULITZER_FOR_AN_IDIOT.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:34am EST

Our heroes are joined by old friend, comrade, and employee Hugh Woodward on his return from India. They discuss time travel, punishment by food, and medieval weaponry. Hugh wears a nappy and grows cynical on his travels. James was made to stand on a bench in the school dining room. Sam claims he's a time traveler. Do cows eat butter? Where would you time travel to? Would you rather eat dinner with Stephen Hawking or Paul Daniels? Find out this, and more, on this week's episode: Time Travelers of Zong.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP74-TIME_TRAVELLERS_OF_ZONG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:53am EST

There's a cheese surplus 'crisis' in the US and Sam has some suggestions about how to use up the excess. Few of them involve eating cheese. James keeps a bible by his bed and talks about milking cows. Sam wonders if milk turns to yogurt in an udder if unmilked, and rechristens Rick Stein 'Fish Mad Dick'. What are your favourite asparagus recipes? What do you covet? And what does a cow nipple actually feel like? Find out all this, and more, in this week's episode: Return to Cheese Mountain. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP73-RETURN_TO_CHEESE_MOUNTAIN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:27am EST

The sun is out which perhaps inevitably leads to a long and heated discussion of picnics. James loathes them, Sam is suspicious of them and Margot had an illegal one.Other topics flat-out mulled over include whether or not your kid is Bane, a roller coaster in Yorkshire and a killer curry. James gets attacked by a 1947 bottle of pricey port, Sam disses one of Pidgin’s neighbours and Margot once again advocates for drinking in the daytime. All this, plus further idiocy and tomfoolery on Episode 72: Death and Picnics.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP72-DEATH_AND_PICNICS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 8:02am EST

Restaurant manager Margot returns from Down Under to rejoin our hosts. She's been taking nude photos and eating a lot of charcuterie. Sam thinks charcuterie needs 'wetting up'. James is a very sensual man with a long and involved facial care routine. Sam wore an entire football kit to a cathedral. Amid the torrents of nonsense there's a whole lot of name pronunciation confusion, another dumb email from a restaurant and James zones out when Sam talks. Classic TKIOF vibes abound on episode 71: Dano Vs Dano!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP71-DANO_VS_DANO.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 11:13am EST

After a freewheeling intro, the boys knuckle down to the serious question of epistemology, covering such groundbreaking topics as knowledge vs. intelligence, the Crossrail skulls, and what constitutes a 'foodie'. Sam gives an update on the nude pop-up restaurant and worries about 15-year-olds at parties. James talks about seafood and hayfever and lightyears and running around Bordeaux eating foie gras. Do you ever do your best? Is the earth really round? And do James and Sam ever share a bed?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP70-TWENTY_SEVEN_THOUSAND_NUDE_FOODIES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 9:04am EST

It's episode sixty nine and the boys are making the most of this most puerile of numbers. They discuss a nudist pop-up restaurant, caramel on your balls, and having sex with mermaids. James recites a gross recipe and says 'delicious' a lot. Sam reads the weekly mail-out from a Chichester restaurant. What would you lie amongst, nude? Do you want Chicken Tonight? And what day is your Dolmio Day? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP69-_IT_IS_EPISODE_SIXTY_NINE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 11:06am EST

Following a raucous family Easter the boys reconvene at Pidgin to catch up. They discuss disliking food that, as a 'foodie', one is supposed to like, as well as James Martin's final Saturday Kitchen appearance and violent Easter egg hunts. James doesn't believe the government. Sam embarrassed himself in Starbucks. Is Seth Rogen a good dude? Can chickens get wooden breasts? And how lowball is too lowball? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP67-LOW_BALL_FAILURE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 5:08am EST

Sam returns from a jaunt Stateside having eaten the hottest food on the planet and a pretty good dinner at Blanca. He and James discuss eating boiled eggs on a first date, doggie bags, and civet coffee. Sam gives a culinary crime update while James refuses to be lectured to by Judd Apatow. Was King Herod a bad dude or a matchmaker? Can you ride a giraffe? And what happens when you throw a python into a sushi restaurant? Find out all this and more on The Kitchen Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP66-HASHTAG_SCRIPTURE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 8:19am EST

Sam's all excited about his trip to New York where he plans to eat a gargantuan amount of food. James, meanwhile, has gone part-time vegetarian and isn't drinking. Sam is disappointed. They discuss eating meat, smoked hummus, and whether Angela Hartnett and Josh Hartnett would make good new presenters of Saturday Kitchen. We have a cavolo nero update from Sam and Margot joins to talk about her new shoes. Is Sam on a downward spiral? Is James converting to Buddhism? And just how much is too much time spent on a Japanese toilet? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP65-A_DAY_IN_MARGOTS_SHOES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 5:51am EST

The boys are back in town and have over-eaten again. Vibes are mellow. James has just had a massive ox cheek pudding. Sam ate some tuna and concedes that tuna is a bit gross. They talk about the office for a bit, James's brief editorship of a vegan magazine. and a charity dinner at the Globe featuring Simon Rimmer and Robbie Savage. Is it sad when classic restaurants close? Can Anthony Bourdain cook? And what drugs would you deal?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP64-JAMES_WEB.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:44pm EST

Everyone in London has turned to dust in some sort of weird apocalypse, leaving only a few survivors. Due to his preternatural cavolo nero consumption, Sam is one of those survivors. He cruises around London wearing a bikini, looking for pulled pork. Angela Hartnett is stalking him. In a parallel universe, James waxes lyrical about chicken broth, ox heart, and befriending thieves. Who will keep the world running? What's up with Eddie Izzard? And just why doesn't Sam want to hang out with Angela Hartnett? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP63-ANGELAS_APOCALYPSE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:00am EST

There's tension in the air as Valentine's Day approaches and the boys wonder whether or not there will be actual sex acts in the restaurant. On table four. James has hurt his wrist and their neighbour Sam the osteopath ("a stunning man") drops by for some impromptu hand rubbing. Sam from the podcast hates Mull Historical Society and ponders whether or not Jim from the Corrs is a holocaust denier. Is 'H Is For Hawk' a sexual read? Which animal would be more fun to be, a condor or a bear? And was Steven Avery responsible for Senator Marco Rubio breaking a tooth? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP62-THE_MANITOWOC_TWIX_DEFENCE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:56pm EST

James arrives at the studio/restaurant wearing a marvellous pair of trousers and the boys set to. They discuss Sigourney Weaver's eating habits, calorific kale salads in McDonalds, Buzzfeed lists, and the general shortcomings of the food media. James wonders whether if you ate an egg whole you could subsequently lay it. Sam has to go to the restaurant to meet a superfan. How many hardboiled eggs can you eat? Has Jason Statham's diet changed? And have James's new trousers made him funnier? Find out in this week's The Kitchen Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP61-THE_WRONG_TROUSERS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 10:37am EST

With Valentine's Day on the horizon, the boys get all romantic and ponder the things they truly, truly love. Sam, it turns out, loves cavolo nero. Loves it. James loves to cook lamb stew. Sam's been in the wars after being attacked by a colander. James talks about backgammon and haggis (again). Which beans do you love? Who loves crap bacon? And is dying in a restaurant the most memorable and romantic thing you can do on Valentine's Day? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP60-CABBAGE_FOR_MY_VALENTINE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:41am EST

The boys get down and dirty this week with some actual conversation about food. They ponder Jay Rayner's restaurant peeves, Gordon Ramsay's forthcoming video game, sausages, and 2016 food trends. There's a power cut at Pidgin and Sam thinks the term Blitz spirit is over-used. James finds an email from a listener sent months ago and feels bad. Whose mum is hotter? Could Foxtons sell Josef Fritzl's house? And what exactly is a genius? Find out this week, on The Kitchen Is On Fire.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP59-THE_GENIUS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:20am EST

Fresh from a trip to San Francisco, Sam and James are back at Pidgin and joined by head chef Elizabeth Allen and some drunk dude. They discuss sooty bottoms, leather hot pants and grey hair. Liz gives a few insights into good eating in Singapore and has some news. James sings Michael Jackson. Sam threatens to murder his wife but proposes instead. Jamie speaks in tongues. Is haggis really nice? Why do Brits love Thanksgiving? Do you like food at wakes? Find out in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-58-SWEET_BRA_MATHS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 7:11am EST

We join our heroes sitting on the dock of the bay in San Francisco, eating some fruit, conceding that perhaps Alice Waters isn't entirely full of shit. They've gone to check out a restaurant, State Bird Provisions, and are killing time in the farmers' market, eating congee, talking about what they cooked for Christmas and Charles Manson. Sam made a caponata. James cooked a woodcock. Sam tells a man on the plane that they've been a couple for five years. James says Mark Rylance is a mega-baller. It's an epic, travelling from the San Francisco bay, all around the city, and finishing on the plane home, discussing Frank Sinatra and chef heroes. Tune in for more juice. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP57-THE_SAN_FRANCISCO_TRIP.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:57am EST

In this behemoth of a Christmas special Sam and James are joined by a veritable Quality Street mega-bucket of low quality guests including most of the Pidgin team, Bane, David Bowie and a bag of angry snakes. This gang of drunken fools ponder their favourite meals and restaurants of the year, Margot yells out obscenities and Craig barely speaks. They perform a Pidgin Nativity, Bane struggles to get a decent wifi signal, Chef Liz Allen poisons Harry Potter and Jamie Parker finally appears on the podcast. All this and many more verbal calamities including the second edition of the now classic 'Fondue With Hitler' will befoul your ears in the most festive and most dumb TKIOF yet.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP56-ITS_NOT_BANE_SURGERY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:20pm EST

In this week's game-changing episode, James and Sam find themselves locked in a battle of wits, a war of words, a...well they bicker quite a bit. In a tender way. They tell strange stories at a wine tasting and discuss the after work snack competition at Pidgin, before taking a strange detour into the history of coal mining. Sam makes burgers. James takes a bath. Margot joins them. What is the scent of love? What's your curry order? And how clean is your face? Find out this week, probably.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP55-JAMES_AND_SAMS_TENDER_WAR.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:11am EST

Ever wondered what you'd cook if Shaggy came round? Or David Attenborough? Or Beyonce for that matter? Wonder no more, because The Kitchen Is On Fire and they have all the answers. They also ponder the difference between being deaf and dead, New Zealand gangs, and bread made using the most curious of manmade yeasts. James eats some foil. Sam drops the c-bomb a lot. Would a Dairy Milk bar have saved Robin Williams? Is Margot really that delightful? And was Charles Manson such a bad guy? Find out all this and more in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP54-DINNER_FOR_KILLERS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:11am EST

Tensions run high this week as James defends his friendships with old men, throws Sam under the bus and is haunted by Big Bird. Sam again struggles with the incredible density of his legs, goes drinking with FHM 'hotties' and can't stop naming detectives from  old shows. Thankfully our gruesome twosome regroup like some sort of cut rate culinary themed Power Rangers to ponder Eithiopia vs The Bahamas, dinner with Ban Ki Moon, where a prostate actually is and most importantly, what in all hell a 'flessenlikker' is.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP53-LOST_IN_FERNGULLY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:39am EST

Our heroes return to plumb such depths of fascinating conversation as menu jargon, misogynist restaurants, and sex in old people's homes. Sam apologises to a listener and vows not to hurt anyone again. James wears an entire body condom. Margot is the high school prom queen of Fort Boyard, then cleans the toilets. What kind of apple would James be? Does anyone like their name? And just how much are you allowed to drink in an old people's home?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP52-GREY_LOVE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:48am EST

In celebration of their 51st episode James and Sam settle in after a busy service at Pidgin with some of the team and a few snacks. A strange fridge fixer arrives and spends a lot of time grunting; a local wino goes past the restaurant in a somewhat eccentric fashion and ruins a wedding; there's a scandal with a fruit and nut bar. Sam wonders if he's about to die. James says 'if' a lot. Margot has a giggle meltdown. Craig takes a mysterious lunch break. Chef Elizabeth makes a podcast debut and has a bone to pick. Who is Geoff Wallace? Is Margot an animal? Do the Pidgin staff hate James and Sam? Find out this week, on The Kitchen Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP51-PLIGHT_OF_THE_LOCAL_ALCOHOLIC.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:57am EST

It's the 50th episode but James and Sam have forgotten, so instead discuss restaurant peeves, hearty home fare, and sex with Dane Bowers. James decides he wants to be put face down in his coffin. Sam stays on his own at James' house and eats vegan noodles. What happened when Tom Cruise met Dustin Hoffman? What are duck feet called? And how fast can water snakes swim? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP50-DAMN_WATER_SNAKES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:17pm EST

With the buzz of a busy kitchen in the background, the boys meet again to work their way through some pretty big-hitting topics, including casual sex, vintage port, peanut M and Ms, and Kevin Costner. Sam's nan buys him 'Erotica' by Madonna. James touches his willy. A guy called Hassan tries to sell them knock-off wines, and Margot joins to argue the difference between a cloud of passion and a 'bang'. Is 'ethnic' food racist? Is Errol a good name? Does Kate Winslet cause huge sausage consumption? And if you lost a testicle would it mean you could eat more?  

Direct download: TKIOF-EP49-WHO_NEEDS_A_SPLEEN_.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:18am EST

Things get late and not a little loose in this after-service special coming not-quite-live from Pidgin. The boys are joined by restaurant manager Margot and sous chef Craig, and pile straight into a discussion about trench warfare, Russian baths, and a BNP cookery show. Sam wants a denim three piece morning suit. James wants to be a jouster. Will Craig ever sell out? Will Margot ever stop waving? And who will play them all in Pidgin: The Movie? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP47-27PIDGIN27_20THE20MOVIE21.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:28am EST

Amazingly the boys jump straight in to talking about food, agreeing (also amazingly) that simple does not always equal best. They also talk about Noma, boning quails, and Jeff Goldblum's penis. James has been dumped a lot. Sam is too old for the internet. Should you reward sob stories with alcohol? What's the TKIOF catchphrase? And would you keep your penis if it fell off? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP46-GOLDBLUMS_SOUVENIR.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:42am EST

Happy first birthday, The Kitchen Is On Fire! To celebrate, Sam and James bring in some strange Pidgin folk to discuss eating snails, cheesy beef, and sex toys in ancient Egypt. James makes an upper body change. Hugh is a lover and a fighter. Sam worries about the etiquette of wine tastings. Was Dr. Oetker a Nazi? Is one of the Olsen twins a murderer? Is James a human? Find out in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP45-THE_MYSTERY_OF_THE_POUNCING_PUMA.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:30am EST

The boys return from a hearty lunch at the Marksman pub and set about putting the world to rights. They argue about whether or not Michael Fassbender would make a good Marco Pierre White in the upcoming biopic and whether a piano would trump a bow and arrow on a desert island. Sam loses his temper with James. James is a droid. Margot makes a lot of noise and tells a foul story. Can you get stabbed in the skin? Are Google spying on us? And why don't Americans have big creatures in their big lakes? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP44-DESERT_ISLAND_DICK.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:20am EST

Pidgin is on fire, and through the fumes of burnt cocoa powder Sam and James discover they're top of the the food podcast charts. Somehow. Won't last. James is nursing a hangover. Sam keeps telling girls they look like old rock stars. They discuss the new menu at the Fat Duck, killer doughnuts, and Sunday roasts. James would rather eat his own scrotum than a school meal. Sam confesses to almost letting his brother drown in favour of eating a sausage. Are they ugly men? Is dumb a PC term? And can food save your life? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP43-THE_TUBBY_SCUMBAG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 5:14am EST

James and Sam reconvene at Pidgin after a week away to catch up on life, love, and dead dogs. Sam has been in France cooking merguez and lighting giant incense sticks, while James has been solving Hackney crime and witnessing taserings. They discuss kissing dads, chip butties, and shooting ranges. Sam has a weepy encounter with a girl. James tells a story about a curious coprophiliac. Margot joins for a game of The Joey Tribiani Recipe Conundrum, and can't stop waving. Good times, good times.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP42-THE_DIRTY_PROTEST.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 10:47am EST

The boys return to their earlier discussion of eating egg sandwiches on trains and delve deeper into this complex conundrum. They also ponder what constitutes a perfect McDonald's order, the Afterlife, and whether or not it's racist to suggest that John the Baptist ate hummus. Sam wonders if you could ever make a dessert with fish in it. James offends Swedes. What do you do with ashes? What happens in a wood? And is Sebastian the crab from the Little Mermaid a racist? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP41-THE_HAPPY_WIDOWER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:24am EST

Another week, another serious conversation about life on the front line of a new restaurant. James dumps prosecco in someone's lap. Sam talks to a man about the war or something. They ponder what food various musicians would eat and the new tics they've picked up waiting tables. Sam doesn't trust men with perfect shoes. James watches cricket. Is there a beach front McDonald's? What is the musk of a dining room? And what's more American than a cheeseburger?

Direct download: TKIOF-40-BABY_FACED_HICK.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:52pm EST

Ever wondered why there aren't more films about bridge? Wonder no more. This and other topics are discussed this week; orangina bottles, midnight snacks, and stock syrup. James divulges his culinary low point. Sam might be racist. Why would you shake a langoustine? Are calories stupid? And can you milk a goose?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP39-GOOSEMILKER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 7:55pm EST

Two weeks after opening their first restaurant, Sam and James find themselves recording in the dining room while chefs prep dinner in the background. Sam wants to talk about Batman. James wants to talk about yoga. They ponder the history of sandwiches and Chris the kitchen porter's sharp dress sense. Sam insults Italians (again). James isn't interested in Aiden Byrne. Why is the banh mi woman strict with Sam? What is James' rep? And where does your junk go when you're on the yoga mat?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP38-WHERES_MY_JUNK_AT_.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:12am EST

In the first episode since opening their restaurant, Pidgin, James and Sam discuss the last couple of weeks and drop some truth bombs about hospitality in the heat. James gets irritated by people tweeting about dead celebrities. Sam likes drinking. Is opening a restaurant harder than having a baby? Is Belarus the same as the USA? How do you pronounce 'bonhomie'? And what would Danny do? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP37-A_PIDGIN_IS_BORN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 11:37am EST

The boys commune over breakfast to discuss the perils and problems with opening a restaurant, changing nappies in public places, and bruffets (breakfast buffets). Sam suggests some imaginary PR nightmares for James to deal with. James shares some wisdom imparted by Mark Hix. Sam boasts about winning a golf tournament. What happened at a Paloma Faith concert? Whose stomach is stronger? And what does Rod Stewart cook for dinner? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP36-SWEET_SOUL_GROOVES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:51am EST

It's cocktail hour again in the fiery kitchen as Alex Kammerling, creator of the excellent Kamm & Sons British aperitif, joins the boys. They discuss making your own tonic water, the wonder of ginseng and what you can and can't distill. James calls David Beckham "D-Beck" and sings songs from Annie; Alex talks about being a small fish in a big pond; Sam tells a touching story about his dead granddad and James laughs. What sends a man to a still? What's the Pidgin family meal? And is Sam twee? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP35-ANNIE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 9:47am EST

Ep 34: Intruder!

The boys are sitting in the shell of what will soon be their restaurant, Pidgin. They wonder if Anne Frank might be in the loft and ponder the inextricable link between crime and gardening. Sam says no a lot. James makes a long and interesting comparison between 17th-century gardens and high end dining. What was the Milk Tray ad team thinking? Is human flesh for sale at Hawksmoor steak house? And what was Keith Richards up to in C & H Fabrics? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP34-INTRUDER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:16am EST

Ep. 33: Kafka's Microwave

The boys are joined in the kitchen by journalist Tim Dowling who imparts some much needed wisdom on how to be a good husband, time travel, and not-Mexican food. Sam eats raw hotdogs. James talks about peas for ages. Tim complains about stupid questions. What was the hamburglar doing in a San Francisco parade? What's west of Nebraska? And is Mountain Dew the hillbilly soda of choice? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP33-KAFKAS_MICROWAVE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:07am EST

Ep 32: Senior Citizen's Killing Spree

Sam and James are joined by their onetime supper club helpers Hannah and Hugh, and things get deranged. Topics covered are multiflavoured TicTacs, trouser safety, egg theivery, and whether millenials have short attention spans. James brings a power tool and a dead lamb to the table. Sam likes old men and noodles. Hannah is not a circus motorcyclist. Hugh divulges a business idea. James's wife Rosie gets involved. Why is JK Rowling selling weed? Is Samuel Crump the same as Donald Trump? And is Postman Pat a serial killer?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP32-SENIOR_CITIZENS_KILLING_SPREE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 8:55am EST

This week the kitchen is on fire with discussions on topics as wide-ranging as stealing from Starbucks, raw chicken, and Taggart. Sam divulges some genuinely interesting facts about avocados. James makes some edgy political gags about Prime Minister Ed Miliband. There's a murder mystery involving some of London's favourite food folk. Radio 4's Susan Rae enters as detective. Is sugar as good as heroin? What's the connection between testicles and lawyers? And would you like a fishing rod for a penis?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP31-AVOCADOSBLOOD_DIAMONDS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:49am EST

Sam and James are joined by music journalist and son of fish and chip shop owners, Pete Paphides. Spam, saveloys and Sam's daughter all make their presence known. Pete dazzles the gang with his restaurant concepts. Is sushi depraved? Why was James embarrassed by swearing? What kind of psychopath would yell 'moist vagina' at their own mother? Such topics and many more are debated, discussed and generally batted about with little, if any, thought for the consequences.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP30-THE_SPAM_TAPAS_TREE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:19pm EST

Ep 29: Ready Meals for Psychopaths

Sam and James are joined by actor Justin Edwards, who is fresh off of starring alongside Miles Jupp in In and Out of the Kitchen. He shares parenting advice and thoughts on local newspaper restaurant critics. Sam tells everyone about his dad's terrifying indoor fireworks displays. James makes quite a lot of cocktails. What's it like to go flyfishing with Eric Clapton? What happened to the disembowelling snowman? And does Patrick Bateman really need ready meals?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP29-READY_MEALS_FOR_PSYCHOPATHS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:05pm EST

Ep 28: The Ballad of John and Gregg

Guardian television critic Stuart Heritage is in the kitchen this week to dispense some wisdom about celebrity interviews, Masterchef invention tests, and Spam. He calls Adam Richman a douche. Sam calls Christoph Waltz a motherfucker. James stares at Sam's hair a fair bit. Why is Sam hiding in Nigella's kitchen? Are Ben and Jerry Nazis? And just how much do Masterchef's John and Gregg loathe one another?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP28-THE_BALLAD_OF_JOHN_AND_GREGG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:57am EST

Ep 27: Big Hot Food Guns

Cookbook author and food blogger Lizzie Mabbott joins the boys to talk about her new book Chinatown Kitchen, going vegan as a dare, and not being related to ex-Tottenham footballer Gary Mabbutt. They sample a four-month old negroni and ponder pasta, noodles, and God. Should agas be banned? What do cows think about? And what sort of a restaurant critic would Robocop make? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP27-BIG_HOT_FOOD_GUNS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:14am EST

Ep 26: The Axe Man

Our heroes are joined by Danny 'Food Urchin' Kingston who lowers the tone quite magnificently. James and Danny reminisce about cooking pasta for Christopher Biggins, Sam laments his similarity in appearance to Noel Edmonds, and Danny goes on an Easter egg hunt with Christian swingers. What would happen if Santana was Siri? What happened to Toadfish Rebecchi? And is this the most childish episode ever? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP26-THE_AXE-MAN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:14pm EST

Ep 25: A Poor Lamb's Memory

Our heroes are joined by stand-up and comedian Chris Neill, who gives them the lowdown on cooking offal live on stage at the Edinburgh Fringe, Rufus Sewell's smelly overcoat, and being a feathered gay man in a nest. Sam bunks off school to sit in a boat. James bunks off school to be in a play. Chris takes on James at Just A Minute Steak and talks about working with the great - or perhaps not so great - Clement Freud. Why did Freud get his knickers in a twist over a bottle of port? Does everything go hard eventually? And just what memories do lambs have? 

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP25-A_POOR_LAMBS_MEMORY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 9:19am EST

Ep 24: Ding Dong

In the kitchen this week: James and Sam discuss a melancholy waiter at St. John and classic vs. modern cooking. Somehow they also talk about black holes, Steve McQueen, and sex addiction. Has Sam slept with Gwyneth Paltrow? Can you 'bank' alcoholism? And at age 29 does James already have gout? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP24-DING_DONG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:05am EST

Acting hunk Edward Holcroft joins the boys fresh on the back of starring in Wolf Hall and Kingsman to discuss only acting with people called Mark, watching the World Cup with Rylance and Damian Lewis, and whether or not Hilary Mantel is a formidable woman. Sam realises what 'brunch' means for the first time, Ed gets starstruck and makes crab linguine. What's Colin Firth like? Why did Harrison Ford crash that plane? And just what are the dizzy heights of Alan Rickman?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP23-THE_DIZZY_HEIGHTS_OF_RICKMAN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:57am EST

Ep 22: The Quorn Supremacy

In the kitchen this week Sam and James tussle over what constitutes a good lunch, which member of the Police had a real name, and whether or not Hall and Oates should have sued the porridge brand Haulin' Oats. What makes dried chillies such a great ingredient? What's wrong with serving food on slates? And is it weird to hang out with old dudes?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP22-THE_QUORN_SUPREMACY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:23am EST

Grace Dent, restaurant critic for the London Evening Standard and columnist for the Independent, joins the boys in the kitchen. They discuss the best ways for restaurants to woo Grace, no-reservation restaurants (again) and Darth Vader eating soup. Is Kitty Fishers the new Chiltern Firehouse? What are the rules of restaurant criticism? Why does the Jorvik Viking Centre smell so good? And why did Sam throw a tantrum when Grace saw his band 10 years ago?

Thomas Blythe returns to impart some wisdom about "poo patrol" . 

James and Grace play Just A Minute Steak. This week's topic: Egg mayonnaise. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP21-LORD_OF_THE_FLIES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 10:11am EST

Ep 20: Three Men and a Baby

Thomas Blythe, "Tolstoy-bearded doyen of hipster waiters" (per. Giles Coren), is back in the kitchen after a harrowing couple of weeks in hospital. He dishes out some truths about mind-altering painkillers, Fergus Henderson appearing in hospital with roast woodcock, and whether it's appropriate to take a photograph of your food. What happens if you drink to much Vieille Prune? Has James seen any films other than Pulp Fiction? Can you use wine gums as suppositories?

There's also a new game: Just A Minute Steak.

Fun and games, to be sure. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP20-THREE_MEN_AND_A_BABY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:08am EST

Ep 19: Hungry Hippos

An episode in two parts, in which Sam and James discuss communion wine, Catholicism, and Ghostbusters before James's neighbour, Radio 1 DJ Alice Levine, pops round and shares her thoughts on interviewing Tarantino, Rylan Clark's teeth, innuendo bingo, and ramekins.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP19-HUNGRY_HIPPOS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:39am EST

Guest James Norton, star of BBC's Happy Valley and Grantchester, is in the studio to discuss auditioning for 50 Shades of Grey, the food in Russia, and the awkwardness of watching yourself in a sex scene in the same cinema as your parents. What's better, a pouch or a pad? Why did Sam play saxophone? And what's all that putty on the table?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP18-PUTTY_IN_YOUR_HANDS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:05am EST

Ep 17: Kenny G - Live at the 10 Cases

James and Sam are on the road and broadcasting from the 10 Cases wine shop in Covent Garden. James explains something called 'the internet'. Sam wonders if tramps eat crisps. They ponder etiquette and other matters of great import. Did Kenny G invent the Frappuccino? Is Jennifer Aniston a good actor? Will Dan Harmon ever come on their podcast?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP17-KENNY_G__LIVE_AT_THE_TEN_CASES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:16am EST

Ep 16: Double Down On Dune Fowl

Oreos, haggis-stuffed chicken, and flower sprouts...what connects them? They're all discussed this week! Ditto: Sam's foul temper, near beer, non-drinking days, and the correct pronunciation of 'comrade'. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP16-DOUBLE_DOWN_ON_DUNE_FOWL.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:22am EST

Ep 15: I Wanna Portmanteau You Baby

Curious Hugh is back to tell the gang about flying kites in abandoned reservoirs. Sam describes an entire episode of Timmy Time. James gets them to talk about food eventually, and they discuss ramen, Subway, and whether or not kids should be allowed in restaurants. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP15-I_WANNA_PORTMANTEAU_YOU_BABY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:54am EST

Ep 14: In Utero in the West Country

A lot of ground is covered this week - Kurt Cobain is a West Country bumpkin, detoxes are dicsussed and discarded, and guest Hugh Woodward suggests roasted Inuit as the big food trend for 2015. What's the difference between humidor and thermidor? What actually is bone broth? And is seabass really a hipster food? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP14-IN_UTERO_IN_THE_WEST_COUNTRY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:43am EST

Ep 12: Breaking Biscuit

It's Christmas. The London restaurant scene's St. Nicholas, aka Thomas Blythe, joins Sam and James to discuss St. John, Inception (again), Dudley Moore, and backed-up plumbing. Was Dr. Crippen really a good man? Can you wear an eel like a stole? And what exactly does 'breaking the biscuit' mean?

Direct download: TKIOF-E12-BREAKING_BISCUIT.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:29am EST

Episode 11 finds our heroes assessing the connection between Gordon Ramsay, Scarface, and Danny Champion of the World. Sam heads to France on a hellish, egg-filled journey that ends at Bones, Frenchie, and Spring. James finds his early catering notebooks. Sam complains about the end of the Usual Suspects (SPOILER ALERT). And there's another round of the Wheel of Misfortune Cookie featuring the Verve. It's just another day on the TKIOFfice.

 
Direct download: TKIOF-EP11-OEUF_HELL.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 8:39am EST

Ep 10: Can You Trust a Tim?

Guardian restaurant critic Marina O'Loughlin is on the show. She has a curious voice. James and Sam wonder whether or not you can trust someone called Tim, get stuck in a weird time warp, and ponder the melancholy of Timothy Dalton.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP10-CAN_YOU_TRUST_A_TIM_.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:46am EST

A chill winter evening, and Sam and James are hunkering down with the caramel-voiced Radio 4 announcer Susan Rae, a large glass of scotch, and a hunk of salami. They ponder whether less really is more, discuss the diet secrets of the Radio 4 and the perils of burping on stage, and ask: how appropriate is it to send a picture of your penis?

Direct download: TKIOF-E9-SCOTCH_AND_SALAMI.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:20am EST

After dinner and several drinks, Sam and James settle in for a debate on pizza, caramel, and Nobu's racist fish. What's the connection between Culture Club and quiche? Is Sam an Everyman or a snake? Is Chris Martin a mad anti-Semite? 
 
 
Direct download: TKIOF-E8-SUGAR_DANGER_IN_THE_CULTURE_CLUB.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:33am EST

Ep 7: The Indiscriminate Ear Licker

Episode 7 finds James and Sam discussing whether or not there's an audiobook of Mein Kampf, a face off with Simon Rimmer, Mary Berry's ear, and the perils of being the only boy in a ballet class. They also eat some haggis. 

Direct download: TKIOF-E7-THE_INDISCRIMINATE_EAR_LICKER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 7:36am EST

Sam and James discuss Gwyneth Paltrow, tripe, Stanley Tucci and cookbooks for old men. 

Direct download: TKIOF-E6-BREAKING_AN_OLD_MANS_HEART.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:17am EST

James finds himself at a farmers' market in San Francisco and in Portland interviewing Andrew Fortgang of Le Pigeon restaurant. Sam talks about Roger Moore and dead dogs. 

Direct download: TKIOF-E5-TOO_MANY_MURDERERS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:02am EST

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