The Kitchen Is On Fire

In this behemoth of a Christmas special Sam and James are joined by a veritable Quality Street mega-bucket of low quality guests including most of the Pidgin team, Bane, David Bowie and a bag of angry snakes. This gang of drunken fools ponder their favourite meals and restaurants of the year, Margot yells out obscenities and Craig barely speaks. They perform a Pidgin Nativity, Bane struggles to get a decent wifi signal, Chef Liz Allen poisons Harry Potter and Jamie Parker finally appears on the podcast. All this and many more verbal calamities including the second edition of the now classic 'Fondue With Hitler' will befoul your ears in the most festive and most dumb TKIOF yet.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP56-ITS_NOT_BANE_SURGERY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:20pm EST

In this week's game-changing episode, James and Sam find themselves locked in a battle of wits, a war of words, a...well they bicker quite a bit. In a tender way. They tell strange stories at a wine tasting and discuss the after work snack competition at Pidgin, before taking a strange detour into the history of coal mining. Sam makes burgers. James takes a bath. Margot joins them. What is the scent of love? What's your curry order? And how clean is your face? Find out this week, probably.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP55-JAMES_AND_SAMS_TENDER_WAR.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:11am EST

Ever wondered what you'd cook if Shaggy came round? Or David Attenborough? Or Beyonce for that matter? Wonder no more, because The Kitchen Is On Fire and they have all the answers. They also ponder the difference between being deaf and dead, New Zealand gangs, and bread made using the most curious of manmade yeasts. James eats some foil. Sam drops the c-bomb a lot. Would a Dairy Milk bar have saved Robin Williams? Is Margot really that delightful? And was Charles Manson such a bad guy? Find out all this and more in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP54-DINNER_FOR_KILLERS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:11am EST

Tensions run high this week as James defends his friendships with old men, throws Sam under the bus and is haunted by Big Bird. Sam again struggles with the incredible density of his legs, goes drinking with FHM 'hotties' and can't stop naming detectives from  old shows. Thankfully our gruesome twosome regroup like some sort of cut rate culinary themed Power Rangers to ponder Eithiopia vs The Bahamas, dinner with Ban Ki Moon, where a prostate actually is and most importantly, what in all hell a 'flessenlikker' is.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP53-LOST_IN_FERNGULLY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:39am EST

Our heroes return to plumb such depths of fascinating conversation as menu jargon, misogynist restaurants, and sex in old people's homes. Sam apologises to a listener and vows not to hurt anyone again. James wears an entire body condom. Margot is the high school prom queen of Fort Boyard, then cleans the toilets. What kind of apple would James be? Does anyone like their name? And just how much are you allowed to drink in an old people's home?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP52-GREY_LOVE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:48am EST

In celebration of their 51st episode James and Sam settle in after a busy service at Pidgin with some of the team and a few snacks. A strange fridge fixer arrives and spends a lot of time grunting; a local wino goes past the restaurant in a somewhat eccentric fashion and ruins a wedding; there's a scandal with a fruit and nut bar. Sam wonders if he's about to die. James says 'if' a lot. Margot has a giggle meltdown. Craig takes a mysterious lunch break. Chef Elizabeth makes a podcast debut and has a bone to pick. Who is Geoff Wallace? Is Margot an animal? Do the Pidgin staff hate James and Sam? Find out this week, on The Kitchen Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP51-PLIGHT_OF_THE_LOCAL_ALCOHOLIC.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:57am EST

It's the 50th episode but James and Sam have forgotten, so instead discuss restaurant peeves, hearty home fare, and sex with Dane Bowers. James decides he wants to be put face down in his coffin. Sam stays on his own at James' house and eats vegan noodles. What happened when Tom Cruise met Dustin Hoffman? What are duck feet called? And how fast can water snakes swim? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP50-DAMN_WATER_SNAKES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:17pm EST

With the buzz of a busy kitchen in the background, the boys meet again to work their way through some pretty big-hitting topics, including casual sex, vintage port, peanut M and Ms, and Kevin Costner. Sam's nan buys him 'Erotica' by Madonna. James touches his willy. A guy called Hassan tries to sell them knock-off wines, and Margot joins to argue the difference between a cloud of passion and a 'bang'. Is 'ethnic' food racist? Is Errol a good name? Does Kate Winslet cause huge sausage consumption? And if you lost a testicle would it mean you could eat more?  

Direct download: TKIOF-EP49-WHO_NEEDS_A_SPLEEN_.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:18am EST

Direct download: TKIOF-EP48-THE_TROLL_TOLL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:42am EST

Things get late and not a little loose in this after-service special coming not-quite-live from Pidgin. The boys are joined by restaurant manager Margot and sous chef Craig, and pile straight into a discussion about trench warfare, Russian baths, and a BNP cookery show. Sam wants a denim three piece morning suit. James wants to be a jouster. Will Craig ever sell out? Will Margot ever stop waving? And who will play them all in Pidgin: The Movie? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP47-27PIDGIN27_20THE20MOVIE21.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:28am EST

Amazingly the boys jump straight in to talking about food, agreeing (also amazingly) that simple does not always equal best. They also talk about Noma, boning quails, and Jeff Goldblum's penis. James has been dumped a lot. Sam is too old for the internet. Should you reward sob stories with alcohol? What's the TKIOF catchphrase? And would you keep your penis if it fell off? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP46-GOLDBLUMS_SOUVENIR.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:42am EST

Happy first birthday, The Kitchen Is On Fire! To celebrate, Sam and James bring in some strange Pidgin folk to discuss eating snails, cheesy beef, and sex toys in ancient Egypt. James makes an upper body change. Hugh is a lover and a fighter. Sam worries about the etiquette of wine tastings. Was Dr. Oetker a Nazi? Is one of the Olsen twins a murderer? Is James a human? Find out in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP45-THE_MYSTERY_OF_THE_POUNCING_PUMA.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:30am EST

The boys return from a hearty lunch at the Marksman pub and set about putting the world to rights. They argue about whether or not Michael Fassbender would make a good Marco Pierre White in the upcoming biopic and whether a piano would trump a bow and arrow on a desert island. Sam loses his temper with James. James is a droid. Margot makes a lot of noise and tells a foul story. Can you get stabbed in the skin? Are Google spying on us? And why don't Americans have big creatures in their big lakes? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP44-DESERT_ISLAND_DICK.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:20am EST

Pidgin is on fire, and through the fumes of burnt cocoa powder Sam and James discover they're top of the the food podcast charts. Somehow. Won't last. James is nursing a hangover. Sam keeps telling girls they look like old rock stars. They discuss the new menu at the Fat Duck, killer doughnuts, and Sunday roasts. James would rather eat his own scrotum than a school meal. Sam confesses to almost letting his brother drown in favour of eating a sausage. Are they ugly men? Is dumb a PC term? And can food save your life? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP43-THE_TUBBY_SCUMBAG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 5:14am EST

James and Sam reconvene at Pidgin after a week away to catch up on life, love, and dead dogs. Sam has been in France cooking merguez and lighting giant incense sticks, while James has been solving Hackney crime and witnessing taserings. They discuss kissing dads, chip butties, and shooting ranges. Sam has a weepy encounter with a girl. James tells a story about a curious coprophiliac. Margot joins for a game of The Joey Tribiani Recipe Conundrum, and can't stop waving. Good times, good times.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP42-THE_DIRTY_PROTEST.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 10:47am EST

The boys return to their earlier discussion of eating egg sandwiches on trains and delve deeper into this complex conundrum. They also ponder what constitutes a perfect McDonald's order, the Afterlife, and whether or not it's racist to suggest that John the Baptist ate hummus. Sam wonders if you could ever make a dessert with fish in it. James offends Swedes. What do you do with ashes? What happens in a wood? And is Sebastian the crab from the Little Mermaid a racist? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP41-THE_HAPPY_WIDOWER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:24am EST

Another week, another serious conversation about life on the front line of a new restaurant. James dumps prosecco in someone's lap. Sam talks to a man about the war or something. They ponder what food various musicians would eat and the new tics they've picked up waiting tables. Sam doesn't trust men with perfect shoes. James watches cricket. Is there a beach front McDonald's? What is the musk of a dining room? And what's more American than a cheeseburger?

Direct download: TKIOF-40-BABY_FACED_HICK.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:52pm EST

Ever wondered why there aren't more films about bridge? Wonder no more. This and other topics are discussed this week; orangina bottles, midnight snacks, and stock syrup. James divulges his culinary low point. Sam might be racist. Why would you shake a langoustine? Are calories stupid? And can you milk a goose?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP39-GOOSEMILKER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 7:55pm EST

Two weeks after opening their first restaurant, Sam and James find themselves recording in the dining room while chefs prep dinner in the background. Sam wants to talk about Batman. James wants to talk about yoga. They ponder the history of sandwiches and Chris the kitchen porter's sharp dress sense. Sam insults Italians (again). James isn't interested in Aiden Byrne. Why is the banh mi woman strict with Sam? What is James' rep? And where does your junk go when you're on the yoga mat?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP38-WHERES_MY_JUNK_AT_.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:12am EST

In the first episode since opening their restaurant, Pidgin, James and Sam discuss the last couple of weeks and drop some truth bombs about hospitality in the heat. James gets irritated by people tweeting about dead celebrities. Sam likes drinking. Is opening a restaurant harder than having a baby? Is Belarus the same as the USA? How do you pronounce 'bonhomie'? And what would Danny do? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP37-A_PIDGIN_IS_BORN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 11:37am EST

The boys commune over breakfast to discuss the perils and problems with opening a restaurant, changing nappies in public places, and bruffets (breakfast buffets). Sam suggests some imaginary PR nightmares for James to deal with. James shares some wisdom imparted by Mark Hix. Sam boasts about winning a golf tournament. What happened at a Paloma Faith concert? Whose stomach is stronger? And what does Rod Stewart cook for dinner? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP36-SWEET_SOUL_GROOVES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:51am EST

It's cocktail hour again in the fiery kitchen as Alex Kammerling, creator of the excellent Kamm & Sons British aperitif, joins the boys. They discuss making your own tonic water, the wonder of ginseng and what you can and can't distill. James calls David Beckham "D-Beck" and sings songs from Annie; Alex talks about being a small fish in a big pond; Sam tells a touching story about his dead granddad and James laughs. What sends a man to a still? What's the Pidgin family meal? And is Sam twee? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP35-ANNIE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 9:47am EST

Ep 34: Intruder!

The boys are sitting in the shell of what will soon be their restaurant, Pidgin. They wonder if Anne Frank might be in the loft and ponder the inextricable link between crime and gardening. Sam says no a lot. James makes a long and interesting comparison between 17th-century gardens and high end dining. What was the Milk Tray ad team thinking? Is human flesh for sale at Hawksmoor steak house? And what was Keith Richards up to in C & H Fabrics? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP34-INTRUDER.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:16am EST

Ep. 33: Kafka's Microwave

The boys are joined in the kitchen by journalist Tim Dowling who imparts some much needed wisdom on how to be a good husband, time travel, and not-Mexican food. Sam eats raw hotdogs. James talks about peas for ages. Tim complains about stupid questions. What was the hamburglar doing in a San Francisco parade? What's west of Nebraska? And is Mountain Dew the hillbilly soda of choice? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP33-KAFKAS_MICROWAVE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:07am EST

Ep 32: Senior Citizen's Killing Spree

Sam and James are joined by their onetime supper club helpers Hannah and Hugh, and things get deranged. Topics covered are multiflavoured TicTacs, trouser safety, egg theivery, and whether millenials have short attention spans. James brings a power tool and a dead lamb to the table. Sam likes old men and noodles. Hannah is not a circus motorcyclist. Hugh divulges a business idea. James's wife Rosie gets involved. Why is JK Rowling selling weed? Is Samuel Crump the same as Donald Trump? And is Postman Pat a serial killer?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP32-SENIOR_CITIZENS_KILLING_SPREE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 8:55am EST

This week the kitchen is on fire with discussions on topics as wide-ranging as stealing from Starbucks, raw chicken, and Taggart. Sam divulges some genuinely interesting facts about avocados. James makes some edgy political gags about Prime Minister Ed Miliband. There's a murder mystery involving some of London's favourite food folk. Radio 4's Susan Rae enters as detective. Is sugar as good as heroin? What's the connection between testicles and lawyers? And would you like a fishing rod for a penis?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP31-AVOCADOSBLOOD_DIAMONDS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:49am EST

Sam and James are joined by music journalist and son of fish and chip shop owners, Pete Paphides. Spam, saveloys and Sam's daughter all make their presence known. Pete dazzles the gang with his restaurant concepts. Is sushi depraved? Why was James embarrassed by swearing? What kind of psychopath would yell 'moist vagina' at their own mother? Such topics and many more are debated, discussed and generally batted about with little, if any, thought for the consequences.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP30-THE_SPAM_TAPAS_TREE.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:19pm EST

Ep 29: Ready Meals for Psychopaths

Sam and James are joined by actor Justin Edwards, who is fresh off of starring alongside Miles Jupp in In and Out of the Kitchen. He shares parenting advice and thoughts on local newspaper restaurant critics. Sam tells everyone about his dad's terrifying indoor fireworks displays. James makes quite a lot of cocktails. What's it like to go flyfishing with Eric Clapton? What happened to the disembowelling snowman? And does Patrick Bateman really need ready meals?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP29-READY_MEALS_FOR_PSYCHOPATHS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:05pm EST

Ep 28: The Ballad of John and Gregg

Guardian television critic Stuart Heritage is in the kitchen this week to dispense some wisdom about celebrity interviews, Masterchef invention tests, and Spam. He calls Adam Richman a douche. Sam calls Christoph Waltz a motherfucker. James stares at Sam's hair a fair bit. Why is Sam hiding in Nigella's kitchen? Are Ben and Jerry Nazis? And just how much do Masterchef's John and Gregg loathe one another?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP28-THE_BALLAD_OF_JOHN_AND_GREGG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:57am EST

Ep 27: Big Hot Food Guns

Cookbook author and food blogger Lizzie Mabbott joins the boys to talk about her new book Chinatown Kitchen, going vegan as a dare, and not being related to ex-Tottenham footballer Gary Mabbutt. They sample a four-month old negroni and ponder pasta, noodles, and God. Should agas be banned? What do cows think about? And what sort of a restaurant critic would Robocop make? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP27-BIG_HOT_FOOD_GUNS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:14am EST

Ep 26: The Axe Man

Our heroes are joined by Danny 'Food Urchin' Kingston who lowers the tone quite magnificently. James and Danny reminisce about cooking pasta for Christopher Biggins, Sam laments his similarity in appearance to Noel Edmonds, and Danny goes on an Easter egg hunt with Christian swingers. What would happen if Santana was Siri? What happened to Toadfish Rebecchi? And is this the most childish episode ever? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP26-THE_AXE-MAN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:14pm EST

Ep 25: A Poor Lamb's Memory

Our heroes are joined by stand-up and comedian Chris Neill, who gives them the lowdown on cooking offal live on stage at the Edinburgh Fringe, Rufus Sewell's smelly overcoat, and being a feathered gay man in a nest. Sam bunks off school to sit in a boat. James bunks off school to be in a play. Chris takes on James at Just A Minute Steak and talks about working with the great - or perhaps not so great - Clement Freud. Why did Freud get his knickers in a twist over a bottle of port? Does everything go hard eventually? And just what memories do lambs have? 

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP25-A_POOR_LAMBS_MEMORY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 9:19am EST

Ep 24: Ding Dong

In the kitchen this week: James and Sam discuss a melancholy waiter at St. John and classic vs. modern cooking. Somehow they also talk about black holes, Steve McQueen, and sex addiction. Has Sam slept with Gwyneth Paltrow? Can you 'bank' alcoholism? And at age 29 does James already have gout? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP24-DING_DONG.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:05am EST

Acting hunk Edward Holcroft joins the boys fresh on the back of starring in Wolf Hall and Kingsman to discuss only acting with people called Mark, watching the World Cup with Rylance and Damian Lewis, and whether or not Hilary Mantel is a formidable woman. Sam realises what 'brunch' means for the first time, Ed gets starstruck and makes crab linguine. What's Colin Firth like? Why did Harrison Ford crash that plane? And just what are the dizzy heights of Alan Rickman?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP23-THE_DIZZY_HEIGHTS_OF_RICKMAN.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:57am EST

Ep 22: The Quorn Supremacy

In the kitchen this week Sam and James tussle over what constitutes a good lunch, which member of the Police had a real name, and whether or not Hall and Oates should have sued the porridge brand Haulin' Oats. What makes dried chillies such a great ingredient? What's wrong with serving food on slates? And is it weird to hang out with old dudes?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP22-THE_QUORN_SUPREMACY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:23am EST

Grace Dent, restaurant critic for the London Evening Standard and columnist for the Independent, joins the boys in the kitchen. They discuss the best ways for restaurants to woo Grace, no-reservation restaurants (again) and Darth Vader eating soup. Is Kitty Fishers the new Chiltern Firehouse? What are the rules of restaurant criticism? Why does the Jorvik Viking Centre smell so good? And why did Sam throw a tantrum when Grace saw his band 10 years ago?

Thomas Blythe returns to impart some wisdom about "poo patrol" . 

James and Grace play Just A Minute Steak. This week's topic: Egg mayonnaise. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP21-LORD_OF_THE_FLIES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 10:11am EST

Ep 20: Three Men and a Baby

Thomas Blythe, "Tolstoy-bearded doyen of hipster waiters" (per. Giles Coren), is back in the kitchen after a harrowing couple of weeks in hospital. He dishes out some truths about mind-altering painkillers, Fergus Henderson appearing in hospital with roast woodcock, and whether it's appropriate to take a photograph of your food. What happens if you drink to much Vieille Prune? Has James seen any films other than Pulp Fiction? Can you use wine gums as suppositories?

There's also a new game: Just A Minute Steak.

Fun and games, to be sure. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP20-THREE_MEN_AND_A_BABY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:08am EST

Ep 19: Hungry Hippos

An episode in two parts, in which Sam and James discuss communion wine, Catholicism, and Ghostbusters before James's neighbour, Radio 1 DJ Alice Levine, pops round and shares her thoughts on interviewing Tarantino, Rylan Clark's teeth, innuendo bingo, and ramekins.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP19-HUNGRY_HIPPOS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 1:39am EST

Guest James Norton, star of BBC's Happy Valley and Grantchester, is in the studio to discuss auditioning for 50 Shades of Grey, the food in Russia, and the awkwardness of watching yourself in a sex scene in the same cinema as your parents. What's better, a pouch or a pad? Why did Sam play saxophone? And what's all that putty on the table?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP18-PUTTY_IN_YOUR_HANDS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:05am EST

Ep 17: Kenny G - Live at the 10 Cases

James and Sam are on the road and broadcasting from the 10 Cases wine shop in Covent Garden. James explains something called 'the internet'. Sam wonders if tramps eat crisps. They ponder etiquette and other matters of great import. Did Kenny G invent the Frappuccino? Is Jennifer Aniston a good actor? Will Dan Harmon ever come on their podcast?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP17-KENNY_G__LIVE_AT_THE_TEN_CASES.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 2:16am EST

Ep 16: Double Down On Dune Fowl

Oreos, haggis-stuffed chicken, and flower sprouts...what connects them? They're all discussed this week! Ditto: Sam's foul temper, near beer, non-drinking days, and the correct pronunciation of 'comrade'. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP16-DOUBLE_DOWN_ON_DUNE_FOWL.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:22am EST

Ep 15: I Wanna Portmanteau You Baby

Curious Hugh is back to tell the gang about flying kites in abandoned reservoirs. Sam describes an entire episode of Timmy Time. James gets them to talk about food eventually, and they discuss ramen, Subway, and whether or not kids should be allowed in restaurants. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP15-I_WANNA_PORTMANTEAU_YOU_BABY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:54am EST

Ep 14: In Utero in the West Country

A lot of ground is covered this week - Kurt Cobain is a West Country bumpkin, detoxes are dicsussed and discarded, and guest Hugh Woodward suggests roasted Inuit as the big food trend for 2015. What's the difference between humidor and thermidor? What actually is bone broth? And is seabass really a hipster food? 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP14-IN_UTERO_IN_THE_WEST_COUNTRY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:43am EST

1