Thu, 28 February 2019
Episode one hundred and seventy four comes around only once in a TickyOff lifetime, in that perfect moment between episode one hundred and seventy three and episode one hundred and seventy five. We thought we’d celebrate by opening with some powerful Nandos chat, how bus drivers deal with the bonnets on their own cars having worked in a bonnet-absent world at work and cinematic titan ‘The Human Centipede’.
This week’s episode is sponsored by ‘The Sopranos’ of wine (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot) dropwine.co.uk and ‘The Wire’ (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot)
Sun, 24 February 2019
This week on English Country Garden Naturist Patrol, James and Sam discuss inner-thigh chafing, brunching in the buff and what to pack for a naturist's masquerade ball in Ipswich.
Apologies, that's their other pod..Anyway, this week on the TickyOff things get off to a mellow start as James relaxes himself by placing a stress reliever toy somewhere foul. He is also planning on babysitting some yeast. Sam has cooked some Palestinian food, cuts his fingernails in a grim fashion and starts bleating on about shoe horns.
They then move on to weightier topics such as heavy drinking in the hospitality industry, colonic irrigation and Sam's Ma's steak sauce recipe.
Then noted grain peddler Alex Hely-Hutchinson pretty much arrives in the office to add another mouth to the mouth duo that was there mouthing with their mouths prior to her arrival, with her mouth in tow.
The mouth of Alex rambles forth on celeb visitors to her shop (PAUL M'F&^KIN THOMAS ANDERSON!!! Spoiler alert....horse, wave your tail at the stable door way way behind you), broccolo, grains vs seeds and how to evolve a breakfast led business. James’s mouth erupts with his porridge tekkers. Sam's mouth seems to spurt in all directions as they cover Queen, The Queen and how to maintain the warranty on your Sodastream machine.
And in a final brave stance, as a two fingered salute to all the haters, all the negative nellies, and to The Man, the TickyOff Boyz proclaim that murder.... is bad. Bravery like that deserves a goddamn Nobel prize or at least some Squarespace sponsorship surely?
This week's episode is sponsored by wine nirvana providers dropwine.co.uk and vodka babylon kings ourvodka.com/ourlondon
Sun, 17 February 2019
Another week, another episode of solid gold mouth sounds. The greatest human (or animal) minds throughout time could all get in a room with flowcharts and overhead projectors and abacuses and protractors and whatnot and still not fathom just how it is that James and Sam manage to deliver at this level, with this measure of consistency, this weight of genius ideas and this volume of ghost chat. It’s nothing if not flat out impressive.
We begin with a bunch of egg chat, Paul Danan’s struggle with fame and Sam’s struggle with Greggs steakbakes after his band split up. Then, via a detour into a headless purple mule in Brazil, James reads out a letter from a listener concerning, once again, the grim world of toxic restaurant culture.
Then cookbook author and writer Ella Risbridger arrives and this triumvirate of mouths spray forth on notebooks, board games, Sylvia Plath’s driving license and the rights and wrongs of pickle plates. Ella is learning Hindi, gets some props from Nigella and feels scarecrows are overrated. James considers the fall of Kings Of Leon, collects stranger’s shopping lists and has something very erotic, yet creepy, in a place he calls ‘The Naughty Cupboard’. Meanwhile Sam has stolen four pickles from James, is petrified of chip pan fires and seems to be hiding a secret concerning what he gets up to at night in James’s house.
They go on to discuss mental health struggles, moving on from your old life and whether winning Euromillions would actually make you happy.
This week’s episode is sponsored by the Captain Kirks of the planet of wine dropwine.co.uk and the Captain Jean Luc Picards of the galaxy of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon
Sun, 10 February 2019
This week on this thing some people call a podcast, others describe as a legendary chat kerfuffle and one dude called ‘actually the greatest mouth sounds humans can apply to their earholes’ James and Sam are joined by restaurateur Amy Poon.
This week’s episode is sponsored by the Pulitzer Prize winners of wine delivery dropwine.co.uk and the Nobel Prize recipients of vodka making ourvodka.com/ourlondon
Sun, 3 February 2019
Another week, another episode of the world’s most popular podcast, TickyOff. You are more than welcome. Don’t call us heroes. We’re just everyday folk like you. We have mouths on the front of our heads and via these mouths we make sounds that drip into the holes on the side of your heads. We also have those holes on the sides of our heads but we don’t use them as much as you do. Maybe we should. Who knows? Anyway, let’s just be clear: our mouths, your ears, you’re welcome, we’re awesome. Done.
Sam has toothache and thinks that while naked in a shower he may have seen Nuno Mendes in a black speedo. James is one half of a ‘foodie power couple’, has a mate who lives in a haunted house and tells all about his Sam-less trip to the incredibly dated but seemingly quite wonderful Oslo Court. They ponder on taking TKIOF on the road, The Chicken Bloke, UFOs over Chichester and also get into the recent grim reports from the world of London restaurants.
Then Melissa Hemsley shows up and topics erupt all over the damn place. There’s church chat, Lego babble and porn on public transport….discussion. Melissa reveals her favourite sausage, cries in the Albert Hall and goes to war with squirrels.
These are sounds from three mouths, entering the ears of millions. A shared experience like no other. Wake up yeah? What else is there?
This week’s episode is sponsored by the Leathermen of the world of wine dropwine.co.uk and the Swiss Army Knives of the world of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon