The Kitchen Is On Fire (general)

The TickyOff Boyz have sailed across the North Sea in a galleon. A traverse which no one has ever managed to survive despite humankind attempting it for millennia. Upon reaching the far shore, James and Sam discover a strange land, a city named Gotham, and a vast number of sandwiches.
Fortunately for you they record their discoveries and provide great insight into them by rubbing their teeth together and shaking their tongues to create mouth sounds which your ear bones can detect.

They have made this incredible, and brave, journey on a research trip to discover whether the people of Gotham can make better sandwiches than the TickyOff Gang. It turns out, no they can’t. They also see some spooky black smoke, are yelled at by a taxi driver called Dennis and they eat a pickle-packet on a busy intersection. James tries to outwit a buffet, Sam has fallen deep into a Coldplay shaped rabbit-hole and they both wonder, once more, where exactly Jackson Boxer has got stuck this week.

Then they meet up with chef and co-owner of King restaurant Jess Shadbolt and things get more than real. Jess adds her mouth noises to proceedings concerning restaurant scene camaraderie, disastrous services, the realities of running a restaurant in NYC and advice and help from food world heavyweights Dave Chang, Gabrielle Hamilton and Will Beckett from Hawksmoor. Will also seems to pop up throughout the pod as everyone thinks that he and the drummer from Coldplay may well be the same person.

There’s also time for flapJack, a lot of borlotti bean chat, ’Sleepless In Seattle’ and Sam and James reveal exactly what Le Page is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the kind and generous people at www.hotel50bowery.com and by the Bane and Batman of wine at www.dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP189-LIVE_FROM_GOTHAM_CITY_A_CHEWY_SCENARIO.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:23am EDT

It’s another week in TickyOff Land and that can mean only one thing; the moon has circled Jupiter once again, it’s orbit controlled, as science tells us, by magma, magnets and mountains sinking into the Earth’s mantle, or crust.

Now there’s a paragraph that made close to no sense. Much like most of Episode 188. James has been to Sweden and is fascinated by deceased actor Powers Boothe. Sam has been camping and believes old people to be dry to the touch.
There’s a return of new segment ‘Where’s Jackson Boxer Stuck?’, there’s morteau sausage cooked on a fire, anthrax from dead deer and we finally work out exactly what Postman Pat and Mrs Goggins get up to when Pat ‘visits’.

Then chef and restaurateur Tom Aikens arrives and sounds created in his lungs, as science tells us, are delivered into the ears of the human race. These sounds concern his new steakhouse in Abu Dhabi, running a frankly ludicrous number of marathons, his origin story from Norfolk alongside his twin brother, and a blue cheese addiction which pretty much gets out of control.

A selection of other noises erupting from Tom include old school restaurant culture, working for Pierre Koffmann and what happened when he sat astride a runaway race horse.

This week’s episode is sponsored by sausages.
That’s a lie. It’s sponsored by dropwine.co.uk

YOLO!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP188-BEWARE_MRS_BENDY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:53am EDT

Gary Rhodes in his spiky-haired prime, delicately basting a filet of beef with foaming butter…

Nigel Kennedy in an Aston Villa shirt picking out a heartrending melody on his violin…

Les Dennis effortlessly controlling a studio audience with wit, good looks, and pure charm…

All masters in their respective fields. Operating at the very top of their games. Providing inspiration, inspiring jealousy, moving humankind forward, showing the way. Proving what is possible with God-given talent and almost superhuman dedication.

None even come close to James Reginald Colin Ramsden talking about postboxes on this week’s TickyOff. None.

It’s obviously slightly downhill after a start as incredible as this one but music photographer Edu Hawkins steps up and more than holds his own.
He provides ample mouth-created sounds about photographing BB King, Gil Scott Heron, Jarvis Cocker, and perhaps less impressively, Ed Sheeran.
There’s also New Orleans food discussion, the problem with The Foo Fighters and strange toilets in restaurants.
Finally, Sam is very anti reckless activity, James reviews Gloria Trattoria, Edu can’t burp and they all decide what they’d want to see if they peeled the skin of their faces off.

This is TickyOff and if you don’t know what you’ve signed up for, then read the small print ya phony!

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Levi Roots of wine dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP187-KILLER_PHOTOGRAPHY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:14am EDT

Horses are beautiful creatures. Powerful animal shaped beings with long faces, wavy manes and metal feet.
Sometimes you just have to set them free.

In a move which again illustrates Sam’s heroic, humble and truly depthless humanity, this week he unhitches the saddle from James’s back, unties the plaits in James’s mane, feeds James a sugarcube and lets him run free for the very first time. As the leather seat of bondage falls to ground, and the sugarcube crunches beneath those big horsey teeth, James turns to Sam and in those dark, somewhat vacant equine eyes, there lies a question:

Can this be true? That you would give me….the world? The world entire in which I can canter?

Sam says nothing, but the look in his powerful, and stunning, blue eyes, says more than any words ever could. But if there were any words the four legged ass would understand, they would be something like:

Of course I give you this, donkey buddy. I am just an everyday hero.

Then the horse runs off to Thailand.

That’s right, this week, Sam heroically steps aside and allows James to carry the pod on his broad mule-like back. He’s in Thailand talking to food writer Kay Plunkett-Hogge and chef and restaurateur of Pok Pok, Andy Ricker.

Don’t worry though, there’s at least a little Sam this week in the intro where he emits mouth sounds concerning unexplained falling objects over Chichester, cooks something which James says is gross and takes a swing at both his mother and his sister for complaining about a prior podcast.
Plus there’s a very serious chat about redemption, hand to hand combat with vegetables and teaching your kid how to behave via the movies of James Bond.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Redrum’s of wine dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP186-TICKYOFF_IN_THAILAND.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:35am EDT

The humility and truly humble nature of the TickyOff Boyz is what many people believe has led to their vast success in life, and in podcasting. Sure, there’s the wonderful humanitarian work they do. There’s Sam’s work with people affected by ghost hauntings or James’s selfless support of people who look like horses to name but two. These vast achievements on behalf of humankind itself generally fly under the radar completely because Sam and James don’t do them for the recognition, the fame, the well wishes or the financial reward. They do these things because they are probably two of the greatest human people ever to have lived. You wouldn’t know it to meet them though, they’d just shrug and bat away any compliments.

‘It’s just who we are’ they’d say.

'It’s just what we do’ they’d say.

You’d be honoured to be in their presence and you’d be left with more questions than answers. How can two people be that kind, that handsome and that successful yet also that pure of heart and endeavour? It’s incredible. They really are very special indeed.

All of these qualities are in full effect on this week’s episode. Sam has been digging a river and named it after himself. James has a Vicks stain on his teeshirt which only adds to his raw sexuality. There is a fascinating discussion of names, learning from burning, and James keeps naming members of semi-obscure British rock band of the early Noughties, Oceansize.

Then comedian, rival food podcaster and heavy music fan Ed Gamble arrives and two mouths become three, like viral bacteria multiplies but in an aural sense.

Ed talks about his start in comedy, 'Big Train', dressing like a rabbit (consensually) and why he may or may not be wearing chainmail underwear. There’s also a discussion about sensitivity in comedy, the fall of Louis CK and what the most metal of woodwind instruments might be.

Somehow they also manage to fit in Dungeons And Dragons, dal, Ed’s fiancee burning a Jamaican curry, James names yet more members of semi-obscure British rock band of the early Noughties, Oceansize, and Sam flat out demands that Ed picks a pulse.

This is God’s work, if God is in fact two boyz named TickyOff. Humanity, you are welcome.

This week’s episode is sponsored by an incredible bag of wine from dropwine.co.uk. Buy it and drink it. It helps.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP185-THE_GAMBLER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:21am EDT

Serious stuff before the nonsense begins….

This Sunday James is running the Hackney Half Marathon along with his brother Will in aid of Bipolar UK, in memory of their uncle George. You can sponsor them at:

www.justgiving.com/jandwramsden

The computer has crashed at TickyOff Towers and sadly for you, a vast slab of pork chop based chat has been lost forever. Awful as this is, Sam and James manage to recover from the loss with an even heftier chunk of mouth sounds. James is fed up with London, may have hair plugs and proposed to his wife while watching a somewhat saucy movie. Meanwhile, Sam is concerned about a room service order in ‘Ghostbusters’, has meddled with Ash Nute’s pork chops and steals food from his son’s plate.

Then food writer Rosie Birkett arrives. She is late, but fortunately her tardiness is more than forgiven as she comes bearing a swathe of gifts for the TickyOff Two. Then, this trio of mouths in three skulls get to delivering at a high level on such topics as the music venues of Leeds, the joy of baking sourdough, dining in Mexico and the long list of food related words which get one’s back up.

Also, find out why Rosie was known as ‘Food Perv’, learn her thoughts on Dad Fashion and begin to understand exactly what strange behaviours Sam would get up to if he was ever invited on ‘Saturday Kitchen’.

Finally there is a chilling tale of Rosie’s near demise in the jaws of a giant lizard, also called Rosie. James takes a meal to a blogger and his nan who may or may not be nude, and Sam wears a name badge. Thrilling stuff.

It’s wild, it’s the opposite of mild and it sure does go on for a while. It’s TickyOff, and it’s the very best thing human beings can experience. Clothing might be optional, but safety is always paramount.

This week’s episode is sponsored by great adventurers on both sea and land dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP184-EDIBLE_FINGERS_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:57am EDT

We know that our listeners worldwide come to TickyOff for many things, solace, James’s raw eroticism, Sam’s happy go lucky demeanor, ghost focused discussion. What few are looking for is a working knowledge of human, or animal, biology. That can only be a good thing. Especially in this week’s episode.

Somehow there are foul tear-ducts, talking sausages which may contain the ghosts of deceased pigs, the intelligence of corvids, sharks scaring whales and sheep stuck in blackberry bushes. Oh, and a mechanical spider.

Contributing to this menagerie of nonsense is author and bookshop owner Evie Wyld. She proves that she can communicate words via sounds created in her mouth not just on a page. It’s amazing. She discusses reviews, how she writes, unsuitable books for kids and treating escaped criminals like hedgehogs.

Meanwhile, Sam has stolen some erotic fiction from his mother, had a terrible experience in a highly regarded restaurant and thinks he looks like Harold from ‘Neighbours’. James has been to a theme park, is planning on test driving a Lamborghini and wants to make an Isle Of Wight based remake of ‘The Rock’.

Also, a little trigger warning for any dinner ladies listening in, James says ‘scrotum’ to one of your kind and Evie’s son punches one of your gang full in the face. Apologies in advance. We know that is no way to treat elderly slop-delivery folk but we have to keep it honest on the TickyOff and these things happened. This is real life. Wake up.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Marty McFly and Doc Brown of wine dropwine.co.uk

Please hit us hard with a subscribe, a review, and a follow on Instagram: @tickyoff

Direct download: TKIOF-EP183-JUST_DONT_CRY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:57am EDT

When James won his first Oscar for his incredible turn as an aged Bane coming to terms with his saggy body and his life of crime and carnage in Richard Curtis’s wonderful ‘An Old People’s Home Near Watford’, many commented on his stirring acceptance speech. How he dedicated his win to his ‘most incredibly handsome and wise best friend Sam’. How he refused to take the credit for that scene, the one where Bane and Martine McCutcheon make (grey) love on a row boat during a delightful day trip out to Whipsnade Zoo, instead thanking ‘from the bottom of my heart, my sensei of love, Sam’. As honoured listeners to this podcast will know, this was classic James. And there’s plenty more classic James on this week’s episode of The TickyOff.

He’s been playing a weird game in his parent’s garden, delaying his pleasure and styling his hair like Abs from Five. Sam meanwhile doesn’t trust Easter, regularly dresses up like a mummy and wants people to cheer up at funerals, just not while attending his own.

Then Ben Tish arrives like many, not all, but most guests, arrive to TickyOff Towers. Via the door. Ben’s mouth opens and closes, laying eggs of sound all around. His new book ‘Moorish’, the perils of Saturday Kitchen and his early days in cooking with Oliver Peyton, Jason Atherton and Dan Lepard. Other aural oeufs crack wide open and drip sound albumen on his hometown of Skegness, how much he enjoys dressing up like Stevie Nicks and Marcus Wareing acting like a twat.
There’s a lot of these audible eggs and yet somehow there’s also time to ponder on whether or not mountains are worth the hassle, couscous and the trials and tribulations of fast expansion.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the funky jazz sax and slap bass wonders of the world of wine dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP182-FEATHERED_OR_LEATHERED.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:54am EDT

A number of etchings were recently unearthed in a system of caves many miles beneath the Andean mountain ranges just south of Carlisle, in Peru. At first these strange hieroglyphs baffled the archeologists who had dug them up, with a big digger. They were on the verge of just filling in the big hole they’d dug, with their big digger, and admitting failure. Just in time though someone realised there were two humans who would definitely be able to crack the spooky etching conundrum. Those two human ‘men’? JR and SH, the TKIOF Boyz.
Flown to the site in a very expensive hovercraft, the TickyOff legends quickly deduced that the ancient cave wall vandals had simply written: The Kitchen Is On Fire Is The Best Podcast Ever and Forever. They’d also drawn a big…..element on the wall too. Very immature.
This week’s episode yet again proves the cave-scrapers’s correct. There’s waterpolo, Michel Roux Jr rueing the day, a lot of pie chat and a journey around the entirety of Ripon town centre. James has cooked a weird wellington and may be in line to become a hornblower. Sam will not reveal what he does in his house when his kids are out but he does reveal a tale of a woman with haunted bees in her eye.
Then Owen Barratt from the mighty Monty’s Deli arrives with tales of the toll cooking professionally takes on the body, Kickstarter, beautiful tiles, the wonders of Reading and the joy of pleather.
Owen has also been playing a lot of ‘Farming Simulator’, has some concerns about Thom Yorke and is very much down on lemon thyme.

This week’s episode is sponsored by seventh wonders of the world of wine dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP181-AUGUST_AND_EVERYTHING_AFTER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:16am EDT

This week restaurant critic and food writer Tom Parker Bowles is sat in the hottest of seats upon the mighty TickyOff. Imagine an internally heated saddle on a TickyOff shaped horse, that's the vibe and that's why cowboys wear chaps. Heat dispersion.

Things get off to a Brexit-themed start as Tom talks about Brexit. That doesn’t last long however as he then tells all about tabloid stings, death metal versus bagpipes and firing guns off the back of a flatbed truck in Guadalajara.
Also this week, James has crumbs on his lip, is making kombucha and wasn’t allowed to watch the start of ‘Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves’. We learn that Sam loves grouper, Tom finds dolphins sinister and James makes an incredibly niche indie-rock circa 2003 reference.
And if this episode wasn’t stuffed full enough with fat topics like a pod-based cotechino sausage, there’s also fun at a medieval fayre, a haunted tudor mansion, William Sitwell stealing people’s lines on ‘Masterchef’ and…….Sam and James go to a Smeg showroom.

If that isn’t a mountain based Sly Stallone vehicle with a hell of an opening scene, I don’t know what is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the incredibly gifted archers, whittlers, weavers and wine experts at dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP180-FULL_BODY_GOUT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:16am EDT

Recently James and Sam were mildly honoured to be invited to give the commencement speech to the 2019 class at the hallowed Massachusetts Institute Of Technology or MIT as some call it. Gushes of absolutely classic TickyOff mouth sounds were sprayed from the dais directly into the ear openings on the eager students headskulls. It was then the nerdy youngsters chance to be feel truly honoured when they were given the opportunity to offer up some Quickfire questions of their own to James and Sam. Unfortunately the be-robed Ivy Leaguer’s questions were far from the incredible standard required so the TickyOff boys bailed on the entire soiree in disgust. That’s why you haven’t seen any YouTube videos of the shindig alongside other commencement speech classics like the David Foster Wallace one about the fish or the one to Grimsby Polytechnic’s woodworking class of 1976 by turkey legend Bernard Matthews.

Fortunately Sam and James are back from Boston to bring the Quickfire, the Over/Under and the world class audible mouth noises to you, the most loyal and the largest audience in podcasting history.
This week chef and restaurateur Enrique Olvera is here and he’s a stone cold big deal. Pujol in Mexico City rides high on the World’s 50 Best list, Cosme and Atla in NYC are packed and critically acclaimed, he’s got a new book out ‘Tu Casa Mi Casa’ and he knows how to drink large amounts of mezcal without embarrassing himself. Unlike the TickyOff gang.

Enrique offers up a guide to the best restaurants in Mexico City, the five year old mole at Pujol, collaboration, and the pros and cons of a culinary education. There’s also just enough time for the first ever outro to an episode of TKIOF. In this aural appendage, Sam is poor and greedy and James says ‘arena of conflict’. There’s a new chef going great guns at Pidgin and they spill a vast variety of legumes about their upcoming trip to Greece to cook in a haunted monastery.

This week’s episode is sponsored by winged and b’whiskered wine champions of the world dropwine.co.uk.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP179-MILITARY_TERMINOLOGY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:00am EDT

It’s another week, another journey around Jupiter, another wax and wane of Europa, our favourite moon. This intergalactic road trip also provides human beings of Earth with another incredible episode of the TickyOff podcast.
This week James has been roped into cooking bread with a bunch of children, only one of whom is related to him. Sam is ratty about a long, and to be fair somewhat dull, chat about the colour pink in restaurants.
They discuss flashing, ‘Grief Is The Thing With Feathers’, noodles and ‘Us’. Then beer expert and writer Melissa Cole shows up with a cool box full of beer and things improve no end. Melissa rains down chat-honesty like a cloud bank of verbal truth has just blown in from the West…or something.
She tells all about the grim idiocy of (some) in the craft beer world, changing demographics in beer drinking and drops more science than has ever been heard around these here TickyOff parts.
There’s also time for nursery rhymes, the difficulties of recording the sounds of a live hawk, tarot cards and mediums, and Melissa explains the benefits of Sam turning his back on his beloved Budweiser…

This week’s episode is sponsored by the entirely hairless, three fingered, web footed wine experts at Dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP178-HAMMER_OR_MALLET.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:14am EDT

This week on the damn pod things get off to an appalling start. There’s yet more moaning, some wild chat about how to spell the word for a hand-rolled cigarette and Sam wants to know which trees are found in the woodlands of Thailand.
The bar is set so low in these opening exchanges that things can only improve, and they do. In a way.
James has discovered that scientists have reversed time and it somehow involves racist ‘funnyman’ Jim Davidson and also poor John Virgo, whose name it would seem has been sullied by his ‘Big Break’ association with the aforementioned massive racist bellweasel, Davidson.
All of this high minded science chat is then somewhat undercut when Sam again disputes whether black holes exist and asks what they are actually doing at CERN. Sam then offers Brian Cox a sugar cube and the wheels fall off the podcast entirely….
Then journalist, and the man Gloria Hunniford wishes she was if she wanted to be a male consumer affairs legend instead of a female consumer affairs legend, Harry Wallop shows up.
This triumvirate of facially placed mouthholes spew forth on a £15 cup of a coffee, the inefficiencies of cheese, the wonder of Cumbrian Hotpot, the inanity of Quidditch and what it’s like writing for the gawddamn Daily Mail.
Oh and they talk about moths too.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Orion’s Belt of the galaxy of wine dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP177-MEDIEVAL_WARFARE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:55pm EDT

Sam begins this week’s episode with a war on science. He disproves ‘The Five Second Rule’. Yes that’s right. A towering pillar of humankind’s understanding of existence itself, is pushed over like a poor quality Jenga player might topple down those funtime wooden blocks.
James is back from Thailand, and he’s in love with the food, the vibe, a man of the woods and with his very own Mongolian donkey.
They also manage to cover people reading showy books in public and Sam gets very ratty with the Renaissance.
Then Mollie Goodfellow arrives and within actual seconds, teachers are getting their comeuppance, Joe Wicks is in Eastenders, Greggggggg Wallace is working out his back muscles and real life people are being met in real life and some people feel uncomfortable about that.
They also blabber on about pasta, private school guilt, the legend of King Arthur and The Sopranos.
And Mollie brings up ghosts. Which James loves.

This week’s episode is sponsored by myths and legends of the world of wine, dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP176-WEREWOLF_MAINTENANCE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:49am EDT

This week Sam and James are both incredibly depressed. It’s amazing how despite this, they still open with this much world-beating chat gold to be honest. No one else could deliver chat at this level with black hounds humping at their haunches. No one. That’s why you come here and these guys just turn it on like it’s nothing. Impressive I’m sure you’ll agree.
No other human mouths could spurt kombucha updates, sleeping bag considerations, packing books for a trip in the Arctic based on weight and fake interview confessions, in this manner and at this level. No one.
After an opening like this week’s, only two people could possibly arrive and immediately match the TickyOff Boyz chat diamond for sparkling chat diamond. These two people are Sarit and Itamar from Honey & Co.
This rarely spotted quadruple of mouths go deep on how to and how not to open a restaurant, growing at the right pace, and the benefits of being your own boss. There’s also a whole bunch of truth delivered aurally concerning how to maintain a relationship under the pressures of running a business, they take a swing at French patisserie, might want their neighbour dead and Sam bites his tongue as they go big on the wonders of honey.
All this plus, a harp playing ghost in the bakery and Sarit and Itamar share both the best and worst traits they see in one another which is insanely cute. Which no one has ever, in the entire history of the mighty TickyOff, described any of the content as being.
That was a truly awful sentence to end this blurb with but…you know. The gold is on the pod yeah, it ain’t here. What do you want from me? Wake up.

This week’s podcast is sponsored by amazing wine fella-me-lads dropwine.co.uk and brilliant vodka whippersnappers ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP175-THE_RESTAURANT_EXORCIST.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:36am EDT

Episode one hundred and seventy four comes around only once in a TickyOff lifetime, in that perfect moment between episode one hundred and seventy three and episode one hundred and seventy five. We thought we’d celebrate by opening with some powerful Nandos chat, how bus drivers deal with the bonnets on their own cars having worked in a bonnet-absent world at work and cinematic titan ‘The Human Centipede’.
Oh and before I forget, Sam has interviewed the dude who saw three UFOs a few weeks back!!
This week James’s eyes are absolutely screwed up. He may or may not have been huffing down some doobie smoke offstage mid-pod. Sam has had a tooth out and has been miserable all week. Luckily for you he brings his usual friendly and cheerful demeanor to proceedings. He also brings word of a spooky unexplained canoe in his grandparent’s garden and a spooky unexplained whale in the Amazon.
Then ES Magazine restaurant critic Jimi Famurewa arrives and delivers some strong aural, orally, backed up by (allegedly) stoned James and toothachey Sam.
This triton of babble is plunged deep into your ear canals delivering such topics as Jimi’s journey to his current gig via fanzines, lads mags and Bexleyheath. There’s also the pettiness of school, Nigerian soft drink fueled parties and lots of words about being a decent father.
Somehow they also manage to cover the all out war of restaurant reviewing from both critic and operator manned bunkers.
It’s pretty much the King Tut of podcasts, in that it’s solid gold, and potentially haunted.

This week’s episode is sponsored by ‘The Sopranos’ of wine (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot) dropwine.co.uk and ‘The Wire’ (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot)
of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP174-FATHER_TIME.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:08pm EDT

This week on English Country Garden Naturist Patrol, James and Sam discuss inner-thigh chafing, brunching in the buff and what to pack for a naturist's masquerade ball in Ipswich.

Apologies, that's their other pod..Anyway, this week on the TickyOff things get off to a mellow start as James relaxes himself by placing a stress reliever toy somewhere foul. He is also planning on babysitting some yeast. Sam has cooked some Palestinian food, cuts his fingernails in a grim fashion and starts bleating on about shoe horns.

They then move on to weightier topics such as heavy drinking in the hospitality industry, colonic irrigation and Sam's Ma's steak sauce recipe.

Then noted grain peddler Alex Hely-Hutchinson pretty much arrives in the office to add another mouth to the mouth duo that was there mouthing with their mouths prior to her arrival, with her mouth in tow.

The mouth of Alex rambles forth on celeb visitors to her shop (PAUL M'F&^KIN THOMAS ANDERSON!!! Spoiler alert....horse, wave your tail at the stable door way way behind you), broccolo, grains vs seeds and how to evolve a breakfast led business. James’s mouth erupts with his porridge tekkers. Sam's mouth seems to spurt in all directions as they cover Queen, The Queen and how to maintain the warranty on your Sodastream machine.

And in a final brave stance, as a two fingered salute to all the haters, all the negative nellies, and to The Man, the TickyOff Boyz proclaim that murder.... is bad. Bravery like that deserves a goddamn Nobel prize or at least some Squarespace sponsorship surely?

This week's episode is sponsored by wine nirvana providers dropwine.co.uk and vodka babylon kings ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP173-HIGHWAY_TO_HULL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:28am EDT

Another week, another episode of solid gold mouth sounds. The greatest human (or animal) minds throughout time could all get in a room with flowcharts and overhead projectors and abacuses and protractors and whatnot and still not fathom just how it is that James and Sam manage to deliver at this level, with this measure of consistency, this weight of genius ideas and this volume of ghost chat. It’s nothing if not flat out impressive.

We begin with a bunch of egg chat, Paul Danan’s struggle with fame and Sam’s struggle with Greggs steakbakes after his band split up. Then, via a detour into a headless purple mule in Brazil, James reads out a letter from a listener concerning, once again, the grim world of toxic restaurant culture.

Then cookbook author and writer Ella Risbridger arrives and this triumvirate of mouths spray forth on notebooks, board games, Sylvia Plath’s driving license and the rights and wrongs of pickle plates. Ella is learning Hindi, gets some props from Nigella and feels scarecrows are overrated. James considers the fall of Kings Of Leon, collects stranger’s shopping lists and has something very erotic, yet creepy, in a place he calls ‘The Naughty Cupboard’. Meanwhile Sam has stolen four pickles from James, is petrified of chip pan fires and seems to be hiding a secret concerning what he gets up to at night in James’s house.

They go on to discuss mental health struggles, moving on from your old life and whether winning Euromillions would actually make you happy.
Oh, and Ella has to choose between having a beak or having gills and Bane might be mentioned too. To be fair it has been a while since they last talked about their favourite big dude with a funny voice.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Captain Kirks of the planet of wine dropwine.co.uk and the Captain Jean Luc Picards of the galaxy of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP172-_SPIKY_THE_HEDGEHOG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:43am EDT

This week on this thing some people call a podcast, others describe as a legendary chat kerfuffle and one dude called ‘actually the greatest mouth sounds humans can apply to their earholes’ James and Sam are joined by restaurateur Amy Poon.
Now, journey isn’t a word that we here on the TickOff have any interest in throwing around like an aural knockoff version of the grim ‘X-Factor’ but Amy’s journey from a kid growing up in restaurants, to advertising in Tokyo, to a champagne bar in a Singaporean red light district, is an origin tale that deserves the journey word. So there it is, a journey. Make like a fun hiking club, and walk it, with us…aurally…I guess.
Anyway, before Amy shows up there’s more than enough time for James to talk about leeks for a pretty long stretch and wonder on one of the biggest questions humankind has ever grappled with: Just how much is that doggy in the damn window? In other news, Sam is wary of old men and wants to wear a sleeping bag on a plane.
Even though it may well seem like a single episode couldn’t possibly hold more, this one can. The binbag of chat is overflowing, it’s split, it’s dripping chat all over the floor as you carry it to those holes on your skullsides. There’s a friendly ghost named Uncle Chan, there are Amy’s secret Chinatown recs and there may well be the paw of a wolf in your soup. Know this, and act on it people.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Pulitzer Prize winners of wine delivery dropwine.co.uk and the Nobel Prize recipients of vodka making ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP171-WOLF_SOUP.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:20am EDT

Another week, another episode of the world’s most popular podcast, TickyOff. You are more than welcome. Don’t call us heroes. We’re just everyday folk like you. We have mouths on the front of our heads and via these mouths we make sounds that drip into the holes on the side of your heads. We also have those holes on the sides of our heads but we don’t use them as much as you do. Maybe we should. Who knows? Anyway, let’s just be clear: our mouths, your ears, you’re welcome, we’re awesome. Done.

Sam has toothache and thinks that while naked in a shower he may have seen Nuno Mendes in a black speedo. James is one half of a ‘foodie power couple’, has a mate who lives in a haunted house and tells all about his Sam-less trip to the incredibly dated but seemingly quite wonderful Oslo Court. They ponder on taking TKIOF on the road, The Chicken Bloke, UFOs over Chichester and also get into the recent grim reports from the world of London restaurants.

Then Melissa Hemsley shows up and topics erupt all over the damn place. There’s church chat, Lego babble and porn on public transport….discussion. Melissa reveals her favourite sausage, cries in the Albert Hall and goes to war with squirrels.

These are sounds from three mouths, entering the ears of millions. A shared experience like no other. Wake up yeah? What else is there?

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Leathermen of the world of wine dropwine.co.uk and the Swiss Army Knives of the world of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP170-SASQUATCH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:38am EDT

Do you remember that awesome bit of 'Empire Strikes Back' when Luke Skywalker is on Hoth, the icy ice nightmare of a planet and he's silly cold so he guts a wampa, that big hairy moose-esque fella, and climbs into them hot guts like a saveloy into a Pukka Pie? Well this week on TickyOff, pretty much exactly the same thing happens but instead of Luke Skywalker, it's Jamie Oliver and instead of Hoth, it's Wyoming and instead of a wampa, it's a big horse and instead of being in 'Empire Strikes Back' it's in a dream Sam had once.

Despite that tale for the damn ages there's also somehow time for Prohibition, Bane vs Shia LeBoeuf and haunted pubs. James may be a myth and Sam disappoints his buddy Ash Nute.

Then Anna Jones shows, which rhymes kinda, and things improve no end. There's Gloria Hunniford on Anusol, Gino Dicampo on a beach and the aforementioned Jamie in a horse.

And if that wasn't just about enough, there's igloo chat, tea with Colin from Radiohead and we learn exactly what 'living room balls' are...

This week's episode is sponsored by wine Da Vincis dropwine.co.uk and vodka Van Goghs ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP169-JAMIE_OLIVER_INSIDE_A_HORSE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:01am EDT

Two 'men' known by many as James and Sam get right into some sound noises from within their gullets this week. There's a firm but fair chat about Eater London. There's a dark and spooky chat about a creepy cave and the turnip thief who done doth dwelled there. There's also a sweet and kindly chat about a cute moment between James and his daughter. Oh and there's castratos, dangerous dogs and James in a speedo. Wake up. This is TKIOF and it ain't our first rodeo.

Jeremy Lee is here this week and he basically just erupts with chat over the entire room, our ears, your ears and the ears of the world at large. He's got winter ingredients, tripe tales, Alistair Little/Simon Hopkinson/Rowley Leigh banter, and he explains how the behemoth that is Quo Vadis operates. He also reveals that he once got lost in his own building, wishes he could juggle (?) and LOVES the 'Blade' movies....

Meanwhile, Sam may have taken acid, James says something saucy about Elizabeth David and they ponder on whether saddles for dogs could be a wise business venture to undertake.

This week's episode is sponsored by Ian Botham Fan Club Treasurers dropwine.co.uk and Devon Malcom's social media officers ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP168-THE_YELLOW_DOG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:04am EDT

Things that have been shot:

Evel Knievel from a cannon across a canyon

Digital ducks in the old Nintendo game ‘Duck Hunt’.

JFK

And something else that’s been shot? The breeze on this week’s wonderful new installment of the lovely podcast known to some as The Kitchen Is On Fire, to many others as TickyOff and to a fair few as Mouth Sounds From Legends.

After a festive season delay due to grim glands and poorly wives James and Sam reconvene at the office to pretty much howitzer the hell out of the damn breeze. Sam’s had a bad Christmas, James has cooked the Christmas food and they check in with the predictions they made for the year just past.
They also find time to discuss the Bros documentary, the creepy items James keeps in his desk box and Sam tries in vain to find out what creepy secret New Year’s resolution James has made. A lot of creepiness going down….

Then Alice Levine shows up dressed like a pilot with some very hot porridge in tow. The steamy oats are put to one side so this thrupple of chat can cover other equally as steamy topics such as recommending porn to your mother, pickled onions, a boot full of béchamel and Dame Emma Thompson.

There’s also hairy eyelids, big soups, the joys of eating club sandwiches in the nude and Alice reveals her new found favourite canned good. A clue, it rhymes with ‘porter mess shunt’. Cryptic, and not as gross as that clue might lead you to believe it is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by 2019’s greatest wine providers dropwine.co.uk and 2019’s most brilliant vodka creators ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP167-BATMAN_ON_THE_BOUNCE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:56am EDT

Christmas etc. You know the drill. Presents, drunk uncles, wool-based clothing, dry birds, Babycham, an incredible amount of paper based recycling, murders on sitcoms, listening to the music of glam rockers with an uncomfortable feeling that perhaps there are yet more of of these spangly jumpsuited bass playing clowns still to be caught and brought to justice by long running police investigations.....Wow. Everyone loves Christmas, and everyone loves a TKIOF Christmas Special.

The TickyOff Boyz are here to upend a sack full of nonsense into your goddamn meatus acusticus externus. That's right, James and Sam are filling up yer ear canals with a dungheap of festive mouth sounds. This week there is weird heavy metal, there are Icelandic people and there is also Sam making a desperate plea for an old friend to get back in touch with him. Meanwhile, James is distracted by his Apple Watch and they both ponder on what to look for in a swinging partner.

Then, like a man with God's beard but dressed like an old-timey fireman sneaking down a chimney in the dead of night to leave pagan offerings beneath a dying tree in your front room, comedian Jamie Demetriou arrives and Sam and James turn into (drunk) giggling fanboys.

Jamie reveals all about his journey through the world of comedy including the Edinburgh Festival, working with his sister and his series 'Stath Lets Flats'.  He also creates sounds using his vocal cords upon his love for Frank Ocean, his dislike of Morris Dancers and the strange things his father gets up to.

Very similarly to a family-size box of Quality Street there's also the coffee cremes of chat, a lot of shouting about soup, a long winded discussion of anti-stomach ulcer medication and James favourite site for long braised, Aga-based pornography...

This weeks episode is sponsored by the 'Last Christmas''s of wine dropwine.co.uk and the 'Fairytale Of New York''s of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP166-A_STRANGE_PLACE_FOR_BREAD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:44am EDT

The TickyOff Boyz have just had their Christmas party and after all that festive ballyhoo, there’s only one thing for it: Ghost chat. This week there’s a ghost with an eyeball in a proper weird place and a talking pig.

Then Will Beckett from Hawksmoor arrives and these three ‘men’ get into far more than three topics. There’s the Hawksmoor origin story, company culture and tricky expansion. There’s side dishes, opening in NYC and the skill sets that restaurateurs require. That’s right, this week is serious and packs a hefty girth of genuine information. Who’d a thunk it?....

Also though, it is still TickyOff so there’s pretty niche ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ chat, Steven Gerrard and Phil Collins and Will reveals who ClamDad is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the Santa Claus of the world of wine dropwine.co.uk and the Father Christmas of the land of vodka ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP165-THE_SAUSAGE_KING_OF_CHICAGO.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:43pm EDT

It’s James’s final sober pod this week but fortunately Sam has gone big at the French House prior to the recording so he’s nicely tipsy for the pair of them. James might be sober but he’s also rocking a severe new haircut, dropping military references all over the shop like some sort of cut-rate Custer and he’s packing an incredible thyme infused gravy technique that will blow yer gawddamn mind….potentially.
Meanwhile, Sam empties out a vast drag-net of whale related facts and makes his wife feel very sick with a grim chilli dog recipe.
Then food writer and Twitter-ruck-starter Jonathan Nunn arrives and this thrice-skulled threesome make audible noises via their three respective mouth-holes upon topics wide ranging, intense and indeed silly. There’s a lot of McDonald’s Happy Land Gang chat. There’s Giles Coren related ballyhoo. There’s the inherent conservatism of the British food media. And there’s also sexy morse code operators and some half-considered thoughts on whether medieval music is any cop whatsoever.

This weeks episode is sponsored by the Sauce Oslo Court of the world of wine, dropwine.co.uk and by the Sauce Robert of the world of vodka, ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP164-A_BIG_PURPLE_BLOB1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:51am EDT

A Brief Q and A Regarding Major Facts Of Humanity’s History Upon Planet Earth

Who split the atom? The TickyOff Boyz
Who built the pyramids? J-Razzle and S-Hezzle
Who wrote ‘Candle In The Wind’? Ramsden and Herlihy
Who caught Al Capone? Samuel J Herlihy
Which horse has won more Grand Nationals, Kentucky Derbies and Royal Ascot Ladie’s Days than any other horse? James Clive Gavin Ramsden.

Know this.

Ghostly goings on (again) on the Tickyoff this week as Sam tells the terrifying tale of Mickey, a phone battery eating ghost..oh and he’s also seen a creepy clown in a cornfield. Meanwhile James has bought an Apple Watch and thinks Sam should go and see a therapist.
Then chef, cookbook author, new pub owner and tv star Dan ‘DanDo’ Doherty turns up and turns both barrels of his Knowledge Cannon upon the PidginBoyzzzzzzz. Said cannon fires cannonballs of true facts directly into their dumb faces. These facts concern such matters as running a marathon while dressed as a mouse, gastropubs, the difficulty in recruiting staff and Mary Berry’s (alleged, by Sam) crack habit…
There’s also charcuterie dissing, Day Of The Dead, Sir Bane and they all agree that hot air ballooning is an insanely dumb thing to do.

This weeks episode is sponsored by the Rolls Royce Silver Phantom with silk seats and mad rims of the world of wine, dropwine.co.uk and the Bugatti Veyron with a matt-cammo paintjob and an ejector seat of the world of vodka, ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP163-MICKEY_MOUSE_MARATHON.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

This week on The Kitchen Is On Fire there are so many sounds. Many of them are conjured from the mouth holes of three human man beings. These ‘men’ things are named James, Sam and John Maclean.
James has holes in his shoes and is wearing dishonest socks. He cheers himself up by cooking at Magpie in an oversized headband. Sam is also back in a kitchen, his own, and he has somehow decided to start cooking like a cut-rate Escoffier despite his wife’s pleas to stop inflicting gout upon her.
Thank the lord that John Maclean, ex member of The Beta Band and the writer/director of ‘Slow West’ arrives just in time to aurally take control of the situation. He backs up a dump truck filled with knowledge, flicks a lever and upends the lot all over your ears, on your heads. There’s Beta Band origin tales, working with Michael Fassbender, lunching with an aging action hero and Cullen Skink chat.
There’s also just enough time for reminiscing about what fun it is to be in vast debt to a record company, whether or not ‘Shame’ had a big CGI budget to expand Fassbender’s…….fassbender and a deep dive into John’s favourite sausage genres.

This week The Kitchen Is On Fire is sponsored by big wine winners dropwine.co.uk and huge vodka champions ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP162-THE_DORITO_WASHER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:33am EDT

It never rains but it pours they say. Not true, let me tell you about a little wet thing I like to call, drizzle.
A watched pot never boils they say. Nonsense, I’ve watched loads and they’ve all boiled. Every single one, ever. I rarely do anything but watch pots until they boil. They call me the old pot-watcher.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush they say. I very much doubt that. I put a chaffinch in a solid gold suit of armour encrusted with diamonds, then threw him in a hedge. Meanwhile in my left hand, I’ve had a flea ridden pigeon with one eye and a bald patch on it’s head. If you surveyed a thousand people, I think they’d all say that the fancy-ass bush-bird was worth more than the decrepit grandpa street-pheasant.
What the above clearly illustrates is the need for truth and for facts. You have come to the right place.
This week James and Sam are spreading truth all over your minds as if truth is manure and your ears are a field and their mouths are the nozzle on a giant manure cannon.
Now they have made your mind-soil fertile, they go ahead and sow fact-seeds concerning such matters as Xian Biang Biang Noodles, Thom Yorke’s new record and pushing back boundaries in gymnasiums.
Then food writer, journalist and activist Jack Monroe shows up early (fortunately) and corrals the TickyOff Dumbos into some semblance of order. Jack talks about cooking with tinned ingredients, dream Dorito flavours, and the wonders of grated Spam. Sam wonders why all the recipes have prunes in them. James wonders how he can continue to avoid answering questions in the Quickfire Game in a timely manner. Jack wonders how to be more like Hugh Grant and how many Christmas trees can fit in a single house.
All this, plus: Explaining the concept of tax via the medium of Muller Fruit Corners! The stench of tinsel! A bad Mexican bandito impersonation! and Houdini, The Killer Lovebird!

This week’s episode is sponsored by ‘Fort Boyard’ semi-finalists in 1992: dropwine.co.uk and ‘The Generation Game’ coffee-machine with built-in alarmclock winners from way back in 1988: ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP161-HOLY_WOAH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am EDT

The TickyOff Boyz are well known across the globe for their searing insight, for their deep seated ability to get to the true crux of many of humanity’s greatest imponderables. Sometimes however, our heroes need to take a step back from the coalface of vast issues and giggle about a rude word for a solid half an hour like a pair of idiotic, immature, school boys. James and Sam regularly skirt close to intellectual perfection, this episode is not one of those instances. Feel free to skip the first thirty minutes if such behavior holes your hull instead of floating yer damn boat.
This week there are toilet flushing ghosts, large babies and some solid biscuit chat. James takes a huge swing, and misses, at this week’s guest and Sam says that seals are like divers with cat faces.
The aforementioned guest this week is food writer and blogger Ed Smith who spurts out information from his mouth opening concerning his two cookbooks, the history of Borough market and his origin story from lawyer to writer.
There’s also the spooky tale of Issac McHale in a bonnet haunting people, mashed potato techniques and James eats a huge number of ginger nut biscuits while in an alcohol-free induced depression.
If I was a foolish fool, I’d say this episode is proper cray cray. But I am not, so I shall not.

This week’s episode is sponsored by the wine warriors at dropwine.co.uk and the vodka gladiators at ourvodka.com/ourlondon.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP160-A_SURVEY_OF_1000_PEOPLE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:59am EDT

'You never give me your money' sang The Beatles. That's also true of this here relationship between you, the listener, and us, The TickyOff Boyzzzz. You never give us your money despite the fact that we give you all this premium mouth-sound based content. Think on that yeah?

Anyway this week Sam and James are babbling all over the place about the Beatles, baklava, Ballymaloe and other topics that do not begin with the letter 'B'. Many of these other topics are raised by this week's guest, Tara Wigley. Tara opens the release valve on a silo full of chat and fills the room with tales of Yotam Ottolenghi's cookbooks, finding your dream job, eating as a family and tricky issues of cultural appropriation.

While surfing this torrent of yap James creates some fake nieces, Sam says a lot of things he doesn't mean, they discuss the Pidgin Cookbook, and the whole William Sitwell 'catastrophe' is flat-out covered.

Finally, there are some very mysterious rubber ducks, the wonder of a man in a nightshirt and Tara reveals all about what is quite possibly the strangest breakfast dish known to humankind. A dish that she prepares and eats, every single day........prepare thyself!

This week's TKIOF is sponsored by our wine buddies dropwine.co.uk and our vodka pals ourvodka.com/ourlondon

And finally, the TickyOff is now on Instagram: @tickyoff

Hit us up with a follow and like all our stuff and tell everyone else to like it too please. Come on. We do loads for you. Loads. And it's all brilliant. Every minute = pure solid gold. Ka-bloom!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP159-BUZZ_AND_WOODY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:26am EDT

In a land without rules, in a world without the rule of law, on a planet overrun by robots with nothing but mankind's very downfall taking up the entirety of their robotic mental headspace, there's only two dudes with the mouths to make sounds entirely ignoring such topics. Those two 'men' are James and Sam and this week, the holes on the front of their skulls are working overtime upon the following 'subjects':

It's not Sam's birthday.

James has shaved his face.

They went to Lisbon to a bar with a sex shop in it.

Sam disses a beloved chicken guy.

And if all that miracle chat wasn't more than enough, King of Polpo Russell Norman shows up to hurl Venice specific knowledge around as if it is in fact no thing.

How to get recipes from locals, the Polpo origin story, tricky expansion and Russell's opinion of horses is all covered in great depth and detail. There's also time for Russell's sexy coat, saveloy chat and a truly grim sounding fish dish that RN assures the TickyOff Boyz is lush....

This week GUESS who is sponsoring our sorry backsides???

Yep, wine GODS dropwine.co.uk and vodka DEITIES ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP158-IMAGINARY_BENIHANA.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:47pm EDT

'Verily' they did doth say.....
except I don’t know what 'verily' means and I don’t know who they are. The only 'they' I know is James and Sam off of the Tickyoff.
They don’t say 'verily', they say all these things instead, from those holes up front on their lovely faces.
This week TickyOff HQ smells strongly of kimchi so they leave the window open and then sing ‘Man In The Mirror’ by Mickey Jackson. Fortunately, keen-bean Tess Ward turns up and they get into wellness, influencers, Mental Health Day and Fairtrade. It’s not all big big topics though. James is confused by placentas and gives a perhaps overly detailed description of a video featuring Cristiano Ronaldo. Tess hates mayo, loves bio-gas and knows a lot about biohacking. Sam has been made homeless, wrote two unpublished books and doesn’t like Chris Martin from the band some call IcyFun but others know only as Coldplay.
Who knows how much wonder one pod can hold but somehow there’s also time for Tess’s bar raising stoner food classics, a rye bread heist and the day that Pidgin nearly killed Jon Snow from a show some people call ‘Fun With Posh Chairs’ and others know only as ‘Game Of Thrones’.
Oh excuse me is that the doorbell?
Yes it is. It’s someone coming to tell me how awesome TKIOF is. I know how good it is. Do not bother my doorbell again please. Thank you.

This week's episode is sponsored by vino legends dropwine.co.uk and vodka mentalists ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Also go check out the awesome work being done by the wonderful folk at www.fairtrade.org.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP157-PINKING_FOR_QUINCES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:25am EDT

It's a big week for James in this episode as he visits Coombeshead Farm, is assaulted by a cat and gets dosed with some high strength snus by this week's guest. In Sam news, he has become addicted to doughnuts and become stocky. James believes these two events may be linked....

Eater London editor Adam Coghlan then makes his second appearance upon the TickyOff and they get into Michelin in a big way. Brat, Ikoyi, Phil Howard, diversity, an algorithm to create the perfect inspector. It's a lot, a lot of tire themed restaurant chat.

After that there's just enough time for Chubby Checker chat, yet more borlotti bean chat and Adam to take a big swing at Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Hashtag, chat.

This week is sponsored by wine legends dropwine.co.uk and vodka legends ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP156-DEAD_RUBBER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:19am EDT

Chef Victor Garvey is back upon the TickyOff this week. He has carried some delicious jamon through the streets of Soho and he’s also carried some noises in his mouth that he releases like Candyman from the movie ‘Candyman’ releases wasps or bees or whatever they were from his mouth. These noises coalesce into topics that you can listen to with those holes in the side of your skulls. Those holes are called ear holes and you should let these sounds enter those holes but do not let wasps or bees enter. That would hurt.
Victor is babbling on about his new venture in Soho, his love for Ironman, and the moves young chefs should, but rarely, make.
There’s also chat about glamorous beans, James looks like Don Trump Junior, Victor looks like someone awful and Sam gets Victor’s name entirely wrong.
Victor spreads some serious paella based knowledge about, James yammers out something about how you collect diamonds or rubies or something and they all get seriously into the biggest of topics, in the midst of the pretty damn big topics I’ve already mentioned: DEATH!!
Death and TKIOF. What the hell else did you expect? Food chat? Jokers.

 

This week The Tickyoff is sponsored by lords of the dance and also, far more importantly, lord of wine!: dropwine.co.uk

And those friendly neighbourhood vodka based still-jockeys at ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP155-VINCENT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:55pm EDT

Listen up people. This episode is not messing around. I mean, James and Sam do mess around briefly at the start to be fair. They babble on about over reacting to bad reviews, and how 'Bob' is regularly the name of gameshow hosts. Sam writes a nice tweet and James plays a great new TKIOF game 'Dead Or Alive'.

So there is that small portion of messing around.

Then Asma Khan arrives and the time for silly business is over.

The origin story herein is a darn epic. Taking in royalty, a fortress, cricket in the streets, the often sad reality for second born daughters and Asma's journey to today as the chef owner of the awesome Darjeeling Express in Soho and now the first chef from Britain featured on Netflix's 'Chef's Table'.

It's maybe a first for TickyOff....an episode that's pretty poignant, fascinating and possibly even quite moving...

Though maybe it's not a first and the 'Joey Trib' game regularly gets you all weepy....I dunno.

James and Sam pipe down and listen the hell up. I suggest you do the same.

This week's episode is sponsored by your booze buddies and mine:

 

dropwine.co.uk

 

and

 

ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP154-SHEDS_OF_THE_DEAD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:43am EDT

You can cast many things. A fishing line. A spell. A perfect replica of your own genitals in molten lead. You can also cast pods. And that ladies and gentlemen is exactly, exactly, what these two chuckleheads James and Sam have gone and done this week. For the one hundred and fifty third time. If that isn't a casting achievement, I have no goddamn idea what is. Wake up!

This week our grim pair wake up next to one another and decide to emit sounds from their mouths during morning time. These audible emissions concern fun topics such as  Jordan Peterson's weird diet, Sam's anniversary party and James's visit to spendy quasi-restaurant Maus.

Sam apologizes for getting a 'Silence of The Lambs' reference wrong last week, James apologizes for being leathered on last week's pod and they both get into a truly wonderful chat concerning how best to dismantle, store and rebuild large structures made of metal. It really is something.

After far too much of this ballyhoo, writer, OG Masterchef winner and founder/owner of Wahaca restaurants, Thomasina Miers arrives in the office and actual sensible, wise and interesting vowels, words and concepts spurt forth.  Tex-Mex food, mezcal, biochemistry and Ballymaloe cookery school are covered. Sam goes to a Taco Bell in Compton LA during the height of early 1990's gang violence. James drinks tequila with Tom Parker Bowles and Thomasina tells her origin story from winning Masterchef to opening Wahaca.

Finally, TickyOff throws a crime shaped bone out there for fans of true crime, deep-dive podcasts like 'Dirty John' and 'Serial' and whatnot.....it turns out that there's every chance that Thomasina has utterly destroyed Soho Farmhouse's entire crop of courgettes for next year.....

WOW!

This week's sponsors are...guess who????

Yeah, it's the vineyard botherers at dropwine.co.uk and the grog hawkers at ourvodka.com/ourlondon.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP153-THE_COURGETTE_KILLER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:45am EDT

Back after their summer break, the dumbo-deux get straight into word sounds from their mouths. These word sounds concern such topics as the evolution of tabloid sex language, The California Raisins and The Who. Sam may be romping with a donkey, James really loves creamy honey and friend of the pod, Moves from Drop, goes on a 'Notting Hill' style walk through Soho.

Then Clerkenwell Boy shows up, cracks open a beer and matters improve as this triple mouthed discussion gang get into the ups and downs of influencing, charity work and why gorgonzola is possibly the best cheese there is. Oh and CB invites Beyonce and Roger Federer round for sushi and negronis....

There's also a real deep dive into the band Foreigner, Korean BBQ, and hugely exciting news about the acoustic set that James is playing at The Hawley Arms next Thursday!

And on a more serious note, to contribute to Cook For Syria as discussed in the episode please go to:

www.cookforsyria.com

This week's episode is sponsored by the fine people at:

dropwine.co.uk

ourvodka.com/ourlondon

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP152-BATMAN_OR_MANBAT_.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:35am EDT

It's the final episode before our over-haired pair take an utterly undeserved summer break and instead of doubling down on intelligence and wit, they do their usual and fling ever more nonsense on the pile they've been building for one hundred and fifty episodes so far....

A semi-libelous start involving the pair behind Hot-Dinners.com sampling cocaine by a swimming pool rapidly devolves further into wood on a boat, the necks of geese, and chipolata cookery on a beach.

James is/was secretly in love with Gail from 'Corrie', keeps going North and lived in a halfway house. Sam really was a terrible singer, was punished for a good deed on a train and has a really very interesting fact about Roald Dahl to share.

Later there is a very grim and NSFW tale about cottage cheese, some incredibly stupid/spooky chat about ghosts in Yorkshire and something else about the cheese known both here and indeed elsewhere as brie.

Cheese chat, ghost chat, geese chat, this chat caliber equals high. You must be high to listen to this. See you in Autumn people. See you in Autumn........

This episode is sponsored by your friendly neighborhood weapons manufacturer Lockheed Martin.......not really.

This episode is actually sponsored by fun seed and chemical suppliers Monsanto! Wow! Cancer and poisons and whatnot....actually joking again....

Booze professionals dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon are in fact packing the ad budget this week. Great news.

Goodbye.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP151-GHOSTS_AND_GOOSES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:51pm EDT

"Knock Knock!"
"Who is there?"
"Tree Beard from ‘Lord Of The Rings’!"
"You just knocked on a slab of your own flesh!"
"What?"
The door you knocked on is made of wood, like you!
"I didn’t think about that."
"Wake up Treebeard and smell the wood you big……tree!"

If TickyOff was a tree, it would be a big knobbly number, a tree of many rings, a fair amount of root rot, maybe a creepy owl in a hole and no doubt packing some serious fungus about the midriff.
The above is a tree related way to say that TKIOF is one hundred and fifty years old!! If by years you mean episodes.
James and Sam look back, look forward and look around dumbfounded as they consider the usual array of vast topics.
This week James feels guilty, wonders if he’s fake or real and also ponders whether or not he’s a warmonger. Sam is concerned his memory is failing him at every turn, goes camping in a gale and meets his great uncle’s best mate in a cemetery.
There’s also time for Dead Man’s Charcoal, a Love Island press release, and some cacio e pepe chat.
As things head towards the end, Sam reveals that this is in fact his final ever appearance on TKIOF, James weeps tears of salad cream as he ‘completes’ and as the dust settles, they wonder on one of life’s greatest imponderables: Is massage actually any good?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP150-SALAD_CREAM_TEARS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:03am EDT

This is a podcast. It is sounds in your ears. This is what this is. Nothing more, plenty less....

Check these newsworthy events out! James has been swimming this week, whilst looking like Pablo Escobar. Sam has been concerned that events in his life may be linked by more than mere coincidence. Together they've been to Brigadiers for dinner, James told a mayo based lie and Sam experienced a last minute baked alaska situation.

Then actor James Norton bowls in and topics get serious.

James N discusses Harvey Weinstein, Craig David, sex scenes and battery powered thermals. James R counters with some rock solid topics of his own such as the time he got mugged twice in Russia, on the same night. Sam H joins in the chat-attack with the TKIOF boyz failed audition for 'Call Me By Your Name' , summer penises and depression cheeseburgers.

There's also somehow time to note that Peter Sarsgaard is an absolute legend, George Harrison's house is properly mental and James Norton's family home came complete with a creepy as all hell, full size, waxwork of a seventy year old woman.....

This is TickyOff, you are human people with human ears, we are human people with human mouths making sounds.

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP149-MY_IDYLLIC_MANHUNT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:34am EDT

I’ll level with you, this episode is very much a game of two halves, a yin and a yang, an MJ and McCartney groove….and that weirdly quasi racist slow jam is not a bad reference because this week Sam and James are joined by food writer Lizzie Mabbott to discuss racism in the world of food, with particular reference to the grim events of the last few weeks in a particular London restaurant. Go look on Twitter for #somsaashitshow if you want to get the grim backstory to the entire grim mess. Grim. Gr meet im.
However, TickyOff can not and will not be cowed and bowed by racists and hatred, there’s important work to be done here! We have local soup chat to get though. We have vagina naming chats, pasta shape yaps and Thom Yorke’s kids discussions.
James reveals Dr Oetker’s son’s name, Sam gathers wood and gets furious with Sir Jony/Joni/Johnny Ive. Lizzie talks stiff membranes and having a scotch egg for an eye.
Yeah, there’s still classic TKIOF vibes aplenty, but sometimes it’s worth getting into a serious topic like this. It sucks it’s in our industry, it sucks we have to spend an episode talking about it but it is and we do, so we did.
So, balls to dumb racists, cheers to awesome Lizzie Mabbott and hopefully next week we can devote 100% of the episode to real big topics, like soup, and dead people’s chairs and mayonnaise.

This week is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk
I love them, you probably would too if you met them.

Direct download: TKIOF148-BRENDAS_END_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:08am EDT

This week upon Thee Most Holy TickyOff, James and Samuel are straight up joined by the mighty Ed Harcourt up in the office. Ed babbles up a storm on New Orleans, falling into a pit of spiders, his move to the countryside and Graham Coxon's nickname for him. Ed is  also producing sounds from his mouth about chopping wood, his drug related kryptonite and how to stay creative when you have kids.

How's this for a spoiler?....Prior to Mr Harcourt's arrival James and Sam correctly predict the England result and incorrectly predict the Federer result. Wow meet zer.

These two buffoons then get into sausage rolls, the 'Unexplained' podcast, cooking fish in fields and Richard Dawkins' ghost.

Once Ed shows, there's also time for Danny Dyer's perfect comedy timing, an udder on the back of a head, lentils, and gumbo.

Also, one more spoiler for your spoilt selves, this one via a funtime quiz....Ed's great aunt was:

1. A beluga whale

2. Elizabeth David

3. Frida Kahlo

4. Really annoying

5. A half human half turkey hybrid

6. A figment of Ed's imagination

The answer is......TWO!!!! IS THIS TRUE?!?!? Yeah. He talks about it on this podcast. OH MY F&CKING GOD!! REALLY?!?!? Yeah. Chill out yeah? Calm down and listen to the mouthsounds in yer ear tunnels.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk

How'd you like them apples grapes?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP147-THE_RURAL_CLOWN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:48am EDT

Wake up and smell the word noises dribbling from human mouth parts!

James opens up like a clam of chat to discuss his beard line, his rogue mother-in-law and his discovery of a single grey hair somewhere strange.

Sam gushes human language sounds like a methane vent on a buried landfill site concerning such wondertopics as suicide hotspots, dawn walks and Paul Rudd.

Then Oisin Rogers, esteemed man about town and landlord of one of London's finest boozers shows up and things take a turn for the educational. How to hire the right people, the wonders of a proper lunch, Otto's restaurant in Kings Cross and Dublin bus routes.

There is also talk of a horse whisperer, a couple of listener emails, ghosts doing graffiti and we learn exactly what Osh's "Diddle" is.....

This podcast right here in yer ears is sponsored by the wonderful wine pedlars: dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP146-THE_MYSTERY_OF_CUSTOMER_WOO.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:02am EDT

Okay, think about big things.....what are you picturing? Mountains? Elephants? KFC Megabuckets? Sam's face? Do you know what is bigger than all of those things? Far bigger. This damn episode. This episode is a vast and impressive thing. Heft? It's got it. Expanse? Of course. Girth?....there can be no doubt about it.

Like* a dumb podcast version of an Icelandic saga we begin with a refurb at Pidgin and Sam looking at James in an odd fashion. You also hear about a delightful seafood-based and Thai-influenced barbeque that James cooked. Wowzer.

*unlike it in any way whatsoever.

Then things take a turn in a classic TKIOF direction when they start blathering on about seeing adult film stars at Au Pied De Cochon Sugar Shack, reel off some solid soup chat and also provide the world with quite possibly the greatest gravy technique of all time.

After all that 'excitement', thank God for a gift from the heavens, Dolly Alderton turns up and immediately makes a big impact on our gruesome twosome by dishing on recording her audiobook, her experiences with the readership of the Sunday Times and reveals that Dolly is in fact NOT HER REAL NAME!! Gadzooks!!

This triangular chat arrangement then goes on to discuss why Dolly wrote her book, funeral songs, 'Made In Chelsea' and bad reviews.

James reveals his deep love for SnakeBoards, Sam eats a melancholy prawn sandwich and they reveal the origins of the world's greatest ever insult: HORSE!

Oh and also, Dolly admits she did something truly awful a few days ago....cliff meet hanger.....

All in all, we had a lovely time,  and we hope you do too when you spray it in your ears. Liquid chat to bathe yer brain in, like a footspa for your synapses....in a way.

This week's episode is sponsored by your booze-delivering friends and ours: dropwine.co.uk.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP145-EVERYTHING_I_KNOW_ABOUT_HORSES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:25pm EDT

I told you normal dum dum service would be resumed this week....

James is back from Italy and feeling heavy. Sam urinates all over the floor following a run in with a stern nurse. Whilst in Italy James cooked a fish from the River Nile and placed his trust in a wise butcher. Sam watched 'Notting Hill' and decided it was a film about people needing to....go.

After this nonsense-babble our heroic podchimps get serious, and seriously sad to pay their respects to one of their own heroes Anthony Bourdain, following his recent passing.

Praise be to Lizzy Barber who shows up to talk about her role at Hache, Cabana and Hush restaurants as Creative Director. Lizzy provides information aurally on such topics as people being unfair to chains, her hatred of fried dough and an awful meal in Atelier Crenn.

There's also words and sounds from human mouths concerning the World's Fifty Best Restaurant awards, the sneakiness of salt cod, an email from a listener and what colour clothes you should wear in hot weather.

This week's episode is sponsored by wine peddler's to the stars and to you if you are a wise wine drinking app user....

dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP144-MONKEY_HANDS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:51am EDT

Right, listen up. There isn't any of the usual nonsense from Ramsden and Herlihy this week. There's no cav nero, no bad parenting and no twee "Ooooohhh Jamesey, what did you cwook this weekend?". Sam isn't going to be telling no tales about some windy walking dumbassery he's been up to and James isn't going to be babbling on about yet another bloody wedding he's been dancing at. Wake up people! There is NONE OF THAT CAPER ROUND HERE THIS WEEK! NONE!

Instead, this week Sam and James sit back, hungover, and are roundly steamrollered by Matt Chatfield who has a lot to say on some flat-out BIG topics.

Brexit? Of course. The future of Cornish farming? A gallon. Vegans? A  lake full. The left wing bias of London food media? Ladies and sirs I give you a deep and spooky well of that chat.

Matt comes out swinging at many a target while James dutifully takes notes for him and Sam only manages to babble out something about a bear kissing a dog and to point out the fascinating set up of a woodpecker's tongue.

Normal wacky-ass service will be resumed next week but for now allow your ears an aural feeding of provocative but damn interesting thoughts and theories from a man who believes he can see the future of this crappy country of ours....

This weeks serious episode is sponsored by the serious-about-wine dudes at dropwine.co.uk

Direct download: TKIOF-EP143-BIG_TOPICS_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:20am EDT

"I've got the key, I've got the secret" someone sang on a terrible song a while ago. If the key and the secret is actually episode one hundred and forty two of TickyOff then YOU now have said key and said secret and you have these aforementioned items without that garbage song puking in yer ears....anyway...

Food journalist and baby faced drinker James Hansen is here and the topics are deep. We're talking canned tuna, a deep dive into the world of coffee, cakes made of gravy and working in a theatre.

Before Hansen shows, James and Sam babble on about their office night out, their gardening exploits outside Magpie and the wonders of the mighty restaurant Ciao Bella.

Sam sees a Native American on the tube platform and Ottolenghi on a bike and Margot phones in to try and get our wonderful hosts to go boozing with her.

There's all that nonsense plus a bumper Quickfire and a hefty dose of Over/Underrated.

We really hope you like this podcast. We have love for you. In a way.

 

This weeks episode is sponsored by the mad booze loonies at  dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP142-FLASHER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:42am EDT

Crumbs. It's actually here. That's right. Episode 141 is here. What a number! What a number of episodes to have achieved. It's also World Otter Day at TKIOF Towers. Scenes. Real big scenes....

Sam gets GapShamed and has a whistling nose. James is on odd, pretty drunk form having fallen asleep on the tube, watched 'Patrick Melrose' in the wrong order and done a super funny joke on Islay.

Praise be to Anna Sulan Masing who appears just in time to throw down on some flat out weighty topics such as The Tomorrow Project, #metoo coming to the UK restaurant scene and whether or not tokenism can be useful.

However, this is TickyOff and seriousness cannot reign forever. Soon Sam is dying on a hill made of penises, James keeps making really woeful jokes and Anna goes deep on Guns and Roses, New Zealand 'Bogans' and the benefits of taking magic mushrooms.

This episode, like all episodes that have come before it, raises a vast number of questions but you should know up front that only one question really matters.....what does your heart smell like?

Wow. That's a deep one. Listen along with this triangle of chatting humans and you'll understand....scenes...real scenes...

 

This week’s episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP141-ANNE_FRANK_ON_THE_FACE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:14am EDT

Look out! Episode 140 is about and by about I don't mean 'hanging around, just kind of blending in to the background and minding it's own business'. I mean ABOUT!  This episode is staggering around like a drunk fool on a packed tube train. Up in your face! Stinking of booze! And crisps! And whatnot!

This week James is ratty and has run a half marathon while Sam may be wearing racist trainers and hasn't seen 'The Lion King".

There are question marks over how much human remains and/or dog urine we lie in when we lie in parks, the differences between skirt/flank/bavette steak and whether or not James showered with food writer George Reynolds.

Thank whatever god (or goddess!) you worship that chef-owner of Nanban in Brixton, cookbook author and Masterchef winner Tim Anderson arrives to up the knowledge, wit and entertainment level.

The mouth-count is up by a third and these three mouths begin with some solid Matrix, Marvel and Star Wars chat before moving into the myths of MSG, recruiting restaurant staff and the wonders of Tim's home state, Wisconsin.

Also legendary TickyOff game 'Who Eats What' is back! No lie! 'Who Eats What?' is back! B to the A to the C to the goddamn K. Back baby! Imagine that. You don't have to imagine that 'Who Eats What?' is back, because it's actually back, and here, on this weeks podcast.

Please refrain from blowing your brains out all over the dashboard of your car at this news. We appreciate life can only go downhill from here but you may as well keep going. You never know, 'Who Eats What?' might be back another week. Who knows? I do not.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP140-THE_BUTCHER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:17am EDT

First up, why in all hell did Nosferatu have long fingers?

Secondly, what actually is missionary work?

Huge questions posed this week by medium sized men, both in brain size and in bodily...bulk.

Amidst the usual TKIOF ballyhoo there is genuine drama this week as Sam's wife takes a break from buying garbage on Gumtree to save a choking child, James has zero service at a beloved London restaurant and this week's guest reveals exactly what happens when you defrost a mouse in a microwave.

Said guest is the delightful self confessed 'breeder' and wine expert Joe Fattorini who basically drives up in a tanker truck full of knowledge and unscrews the rear valve, sending a spume of wine based facts arcing into the sky and directly into James and Sam's faces, ears and if we're being totally honest, their mouths. It's an aural sight to be seen/heard...I've confused myself.

Furthermore, Jame's wife hangs out on a beach with Benny Cumberbatch, Sam is amazed by James and Joe's pope knowledge and Joe puts a dent in a 10 million dollar roof with a drone.

It's a TKIOF, and you know EXACTLY, what that means.

Pull 'em up and put it on.

Wazzzzzzup etc.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP139-THE_PRATFALL_EFFECT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:51am EDT

James and Sam are this week joined, via human contact within the same room on a little place I like to call Planet Earth, by another homo sapiens type creature. This one goes by many names but for the purposes of this podcast we shall know him by his actual name, Chris Stark!

Chris dishes many tonnes of dirt on life at Radio One, studying politics, his infamous Mila Kunis interview and his new found love for cooking.

Before that, James continues to lower the bar when it comes to parenting ability, gets aggy with his wife and watches a really fun movie film.

Meanwhile Sam just can't stop walking down a foul alley, his wife just can't stop buying trash on Gumtree and his son just can't stop doing something obscene while listening to 'Rattlesnake' by King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard.

Wow meet zer! It really is a podcast of a rare vintage. Hear it, in your mind. Via, as ever, your ears. Or someone else's. Your call.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP138-MUTTON_PELLETS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:14am EDT

It's duo week on TKIOF in that there are only two people mouthspeaking. Those two people are James and Sam. You know them. You like them very much.

You'll also like hearing them breathing in air and spewing out wise thoughts and unwise idiocy. Examples this week include Sam telling a Spanish lady his name is Elias, James cooking a turbot on Jersey and the pair of them being very unsure as to how radar works.

Sam has taken a liking to Sundays, James plays hardball with a gym membership renewal. There's yet more Brat-Chat and they both take Jay Rayner to task for leaving flaming dogdirt on someone's front door step....

Also, canalside vikings, a parmesan storm, James's son swearing and Sam thinks, once more, he's about to die.

This week's episode is sponsored by the friendly booze hounds at dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP137-NUGGET_OF_NECESSITY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:54am EDT

Wames Wamsden and Wam Werlihy begin this weeks waffle with many words (once again) upon one of their favourite topics, the films and general vibe of Christopher Nolan.

Keeping it filmic they go on to talk nonsense about Bladerunner and talk respectfully about the passing of director Milos Forman.

They discuss their recent evening cooking at Magpie, James tries to convince Sam that the Earth is flat and Sam tries to convince James that coffins can move of their own spooky accord, in a crypt, in Barbados.

Thankfully esteemed food writer and author Olia Hercules shows up and things take a turn for the wiser and far more informative. Olia schools the TKIOF Posse on growing up in the Soviet Union, blue fenugreek and basically upturns a stockpot full of hot and steaming cookery knowledge over their heads.

Olia and James share an allergy, Sam is still conflicted about eating octopus and James leaves his son with strangers in a canal-side cafe.

All this plus, Ukrainian summer kitchens, Kiev restaurant recommendations and a deep dive on some weapons grade borscht technique.

It's borderline classic TickyOff. It's noises made by humans via their mouths on their faces and then into your ears on your heads. Or wherever else you keep you ears. That's up to you.

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP136-THE_GEORGIAN_TOASTMASTER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13am EDT

This week James and Sam are joined by beloved cookbook author and all knowing cookery sage Diana Henry. This three-mouthed babble machine trades chat based blows about pizza ovens, River Cottage and The Sportsman. Diana spills the beans on her trip to White Rabbit restaurant in Moscow and Sam and James dish on how they come up with dishes at Pidgin. See? They dish on dishes. Wonderful.

Furthermore, James says broadcast again and they all discuss the language of food, Gabrielle Hamilton and Ruby Tandoh.

Before Diana shows up James visits Sardine to eat a veal shin, Sam explains why he wears a condom on aeroplanes and this most deadly of duos reveal the mysteries and wonder of a little something they like to call Broc-O-Clock.

It's not complicated, it's TKIOF goddamnit. Enjoy this sound within your ears.

Wake up.

This weeks episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP135-PEACH_SARDINE_WHITE_RABBIT..mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:54am EDT

Rejoice all those who hate Sam and his awful nasal voice. his microphone broke halfway through the recording. The good news is he’s a lot quieter than normal, the bad is that in order to get him even somewhat audible the sound quality is not perfect. Humble apologies, hopefully it won’t affect your enjoyment too much, a few sound issues are a small price to pay to hear this week’s guest….

It’s episode one hundred and thirty four and Deputy Editor of @qmagazine Niall Doherty is here. Before he shows up James and Sam trade sounds from their mouths on a wide variety of topics such as the wedding Sam just went to, Adam Coghlan’s cap, Chick Fil A and a German cannibal. Sam sees a Steve Bannon lookalike, James rode a horse and ate many many cashew nuts.

After that glittering yap performance Niall schools the TKIOF BozoPatrol on nosebleeds, airport boozing and his deep seated love for Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam. Namedropping like a cloud drops….rain…Niall eats stew with Sting, stew with Shaggy, chilli with Josh Homme and hangs out in a number of chain restaurants with Liam Gallagher.
There’s also time for a QuickFire, a somewhat serious discussion on people being mean and Niall reveals that when Sam was in a band, he was pretty much a twat.

The sound may not be perfect this week but do you know what is perfect? The classic TKIOF vibe is perfect. What more could anyone listening to TKIOF ask for?

This week’s episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP134-SHAGGY_AND_THE_STEW.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:59am EDT

Welcome all to episode one hundred and thirty three of what many people call their absolute favourite thing in their entire lives, TKIOF.
This one is the very opposite of short, in that it’s long. However, unlike massive snakes, this is long for a reason. The TickyOff Boyz are joined this week by Adam Coghlan, editor of Eater London, natty dresser and would be flaneur.
Before he shows, James and Sam discuss Harold Shipman, Sixpence None The Richer and Calabrian sausage lahmacun. James lets rip with a splendid custard technique while Sam matches said splendid technique with his splendid marinara sauce technique. Splendid.
Once Adam arrives, this be-mouthed threesome combine forces like a chat based version of the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. This triple mouthed headed chatbeast get into bread, Rosio Sanchez, The Cornwall Project and the golden age of London restaurant chefs. They yap it up on new London restaurants Brat and Hide and Adam bemoans the lack of a truly perfect taco. Sam threatens to drive his 1997 Toyota Yaris into a swanky car lift, James does a weird ad for a cat killing podcast and Adam hits you all in the face with his London restaurant recommendations.
Wow people. It really is something. It really is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP133-SPORTY_CHAPS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:45am EDT

The tension is high, the tide is high, Sam and James may be high. Anyway Adam from Eater is once more running scared (until next week anyway) so Victor Garvey of Rambla restaurant fame steps in to yap it up with the TKIOF-Bozo-Corps upon such topics as Noma, El Bulli, fizzy sangria, paella and the price of snails.

Prior to Victor's arrival, James tells all about a delightful time he once had and also visits new Shoreditch restaurant, Leeroy, where he is defeated by a giant gland. Sam says some stuff too, most of it jelly themed for some unfathomable reason.

Do you know what this is? Yes, you do. It is classic, absolute classic Ticky-Off. Know this and tell others of this. Also like and subscribe or else Victor will give you a dead arm.

This week's episode is sponsored by the fine folk at dropwine.co.uk and the equally wondrous gang at ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP132-MESSING_WITH_THE_FABRIC.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34am EDT

"Are you going to Scarborough Fair?" they sang. No we are not, we are going to a kitchen that just so happens to be on fire. Also, just FYI, we are not keen on twee folk music and thyme can be an overpowering herb.

This week The Boardroom has been left behind for a new spot in The Office. Sam has cooked some braciole while James's Dad cooked a foul soup. James himself drove North with no quarter given to the MiniBeast From The East, all to eat the aforementioned grim soupy treat.

Some policemen waved at Sam's son, James buys wasabi peas, Bill Hader has a nasal voice and James plays a QuickFire.

Things take a turn for the better when MiMi Aye, author of the book "NOODLE!", shows up to school the TKIOF-Boyz on Burmese food, 'Masterchef' and culturally dumb food brand stupidity.

There's the usual sparring of great intellects, the usual belly laughs and wonderful chortles, but this week, praise be to MiMi, there's also a huge amount of knowledge spraying all over your ears like a student Ear-Nose-And-Throat doctor has let loose with some sort of knowledge based ear ointment cannon.

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP131-STRUCK_BY_A_NUGGET_WITH_MIMI_AYE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:16am EDT

Things get meaty, things get beaty, things gets big and you are damn right that things get bouncy this week when Tim Hayward (The Financial Times, Fitzbillies, books, beards etc) shows up to start spewing chat all over The Boardroom like a busted fire hydrant of food based words and sentences.

There's dirty car chat. There is accountancy chat. James has a big night out and test drives a Volvo. Sam puts food focused magazines out of business and Tim gets pretty much obscenely over-erotic in the business-time based Boardroom.

All this...plus....to be honest they are all quite serious, quite food oriented and they put them lolz to one side to chew the industry based fat for once...Reservations! Business rates! What it takes! Creative processes!

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP130-HELICOPTERING_WITH_TIM_HAYWARD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:21am EDT

This week the TKIOF bozos make like the Andrex puppy, they go long...and strong.

Yes it's a hefty old pod but worry not! This week George Reynolds makes his second appearance and is soon babbling all brook-like about hefty Alpine cuisine, Sabor, and The Araki.

James is putting his fingers in a lamb's mouth, pining for Phillip Seymour Hoffman and getting deep into sexual awakenings.

Sam googled Barron Trump, got bitten by his Nan and is on the hunt for an Irish passport.

If that wasn't more than enough of a gutful of chat, they've left The Garret, the computer keeps crashing, there's a listener in Afghanistan and they discuss the horrific live TKIOF that was attempted many moons ago....

Finally, James wonders why the TKIOF Gang never got their due as pretty much the entire reason that super successful podcast behemoth 'My Dad Wrote A Porno' exists upon this planet some call Earth, others call Gaia and Sam calls Big Blue Ball....

Know this!

 

This episode is brought to you by the letter 'Z' and is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP129-MICHAEL_JACKSON.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:12am EDT

Back in The Garret, back in the saddle, back in the habit, back to the future, backs to the wall etc.

James and Sam hit up the big topics like an astonishing cross between Question Time and the first day of nursery school. Finger paints? We got 'em. A long discussion of childhood dentistry? No doubt. Someone's wet themselves? It's highly likely.

Anyway this week there's a whole lot of spooky topics wafting around, from scarecrows to people mysteriously going up in flames. James's Dad can communicate via a series of beeps while Sam's Dad has a curious cupboard who's contents are unknown to anyone but himself.

Sam visits a personal trainer and James holds a dead man's hand in a cinema. It's unclear why.

Classic GarretYapping of a 2018 vintage. Drink in the chat, like bad wine, that gets you drunk but gives you the mad hangover.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP128-MYTHS_AND_LEGENDS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:55am EDT

My my my, it's a podcast. Imagine that! Except you don't need to imagine it because it's here. Right here! Right now! Like a bad song by The Farm. Or was in Inspiral Carpets? Who knows, or indeed cares.

Anyway, Jamsey and Samsey are yapping up a storm about gentrification, Nazis and Gary Lineker. The sad end of comedy duos? Covered. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No doubt. Toothache? Oh yes indeedy do.

There's also egg chat, James's kids and some deep thoughts about how one would wish to be executed.

Lovely.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP127-DO_YOU_EVEN_LIKE_EGGS_.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:39pm EDT

Jamesssss and Samsssss are up in The Garret and Sam's bride Abbie makes her debut upon the Ticky-Off. She's lovely, Sam is less so and James is James. You know, eating vegan, talking about it lots, breaking his nose lots, loving systems lots.

'Groundhog Day' creepy but liked 'Phantom Thread'. Sam is once more haunted by Davy Jones' Locker and they are both sad that Johann Johannsson has died.

Sam takes a swing at Claude Bosi, Sat Bains and The Beastie Boys and James considers the wonder that is his own brother, Will.

Somehow Abbie manages to stay awake through two of the most boring stories ever told on this, or any other podcast. It's like 'Serial:Season 2' up in this joint. Except instead of a soldier going AWOL, there's a pair of ill fitting boots and instead of a man barely surviving torture and imprisonment, there's a man who can't convince his wife to use a laundry basket.

Try it for yerself, see if you can stay awake! It'll be fun. In a way.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP126-THESE_BOOTS_WERE_MADE_FOR_BORING.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:25am EDT

It's episode one hundred and twenty five which means only one thing: it's the episode after episode one hundred and twenty four!

Start with a cliffhanger like that and there's only one way to go, down. Down like a dated Chilean miner reference.

The dumb dumb club are back in The Garret working on scripts for their debut sitcom 'Castlemania', discussing chem-sex and 'The Fugitive'. Sam cooked some meatballs, James over cooked a hunk of meat. There's a strange mix up between Richard Pryor and Peter Kay and a foul chocolate ice cream pronunciation.

An actor is very showy in public with his copy of 'Infinite Jest' and is firmly taken to task. James learns about Don Quixote and Sam finally learns, many years too late, where the Olympics were held.

There's also exciting news about something that's upcoming next week....hint...it's episode one hundred and twenty six!!!

Two cliffhangers in one blurb? Yr welcome Chuckles!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP125-CASTLEMANIA.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:04am EDT

Two men things, Samuel and Jamesuel have flown The Garret and are instead holed up in the pretty swank surroundings of the private dining room at The Coach. They are joined this week by the mighty Matt Bright, who's partner/wife/person has birthed a human child in the recent past. Cowabunga! Human life!

Chef of The Coach Henry Harris drops by to school this triple-dummy team on his new menu, sausages made of guts and a fiendish pub quiz involving biscuit crumbs.

Elsewhere James goes to hospital, Sam gets bribed and Matt is banging on about containers again.

There's JoeyTrib, there's Hull chat and there's a dim memory of a woman sucking a toe or two.

It's live, it's TKIOF, it's stupid.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP124-TOESUCKER_LIVE_FROM_THE_COACH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:48am EDT

Funky purple dead person Prince once sang, in his hit single 'Get Off', about enjoying 23 positions in a one night stand. In this hit podcast ,'TKIOF', James and Sam provide at least 23 chat based positions. Wow, sensual and educational.

This week James returns to The Garret after a holiday in Sri Lanka where he blew out some friendly folk, rolled around in a TukTuk, swam in a green pool and had a run in with a runner.

In James's absence Sam has finally learned what 'natch' means, attacked a cat with a lightsaber and has been eating far too many boiled eggs.

They discuss bands ripping off other bands, widows and pornography and there's an update on Dead Man's Shoes.

What a lovely listen it all is. James and Sam truly hope you enjoy every wonderful moment.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP123-ITS_A_SHAME_ABOUT_JAMES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:31am EDT

Our favourite two silly billies are back in The Garret and back on the chatbike, pedalling hard up a verdant hillside of....topics.

This week they lay out their predictions for the year, involving celebrity deaths, cocaine scandals, and flapjack consumption.

James makes a weird sauce, Sam survives a powercut in Waitrose and they nearly come to blows over how healthy one's life should be. In other yap wonders, they try and think of ten famous Belgians, consider whether George Reynolds will lose his virginity this year and they learn about Sam's father-in-law's penchant for wearing the shoes of dead men....

A note on this week's episode:

The bleeps previously used to represent George Reynolds, now do not. New Year, new TKIOF, he has earned the right for us to utter his name again. The bleeps now represent the names of people we may or may not be slandering....

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP122-DEAD_MANS_SHOES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:18am EDT

Is this the end for one of these two idiots? Does the hairy monster one die? Tune in and find out.

James and Sam are still banging on about New Year. They are also pondering on maintaining some childlike wonder, Hassidic Jews at Chinese buffets and gummy potatoes. James has begun the new year smug, Sam has begun it by quitting nicotine. James's mother throws out a perfectly good DVD player, or does she???? Sam ate a mini pie in a supermarket with his brother, or did he????

She didn't, he did. Classic TKIOF good times right there.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP121-SAM20DIES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:11am EDT

Stuff is talked about. There is an audio glitch thirty five minutes in. They do not know what The Rock is cooking. James fears intruders. Sam spent the day at Magpie. They talk a lot about films. Wow. This was fun.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP120-20BANE20IN20A20PLANE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:22am EDT

It’s bumper, it’s dumb, it’s full of come...all ye faithful. It’s the TKIOF Christmas Special 2017. A whole bunch of folk stop by*, Billy Ray Cyrus, a creepy lion, fan favourite Mrs Scroggins and Pulitzer prize winning journalist Jonathan Gold.

*are talked about.

Sam cracks a rib and is thrown under a bus by his wife. James smells brazil nuts somewhere he shouldn’t and has some sexy garlic themed banter with his wife. Our heroic Christmas hosts also find time to perform ‘Cav Nero: The Sitcom’, share presents with one another and discuss their favourite meals of the year.

Fill yer ears with this plentiful hamper of chat and seasonal goodies, learn just how wacky sides can get at the Ramsden’s Christmas table, wonder on the racism of hats and freak out when you hear exactly what James is willing to feed to a dog....

Direct download: TKIOF-EP119-YULE20DOG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am EDT

Greetings friend. James and Sam are back for another episode of fun, japes, chat and parlour games. How...warming it all is. This week Sam gets frisky in a hospice, James makes carbonara and things get a little serious when, once again, the spectre (cue falsetto..Spectre!) of gross dudes acting gross, is discussed once again. Hey gross dudes! The TKIOF-Two suggest, you keep the mouse in the house! Okay?!

Leaving that behind James and Sam crack on with mashed potato chat, duck cookery and 'Home Alone 2'.

Oh and there's also a wonderful cliff-hanger ending!

At this time of year, what more could want? How lovely. Seasons salutations to you ladies and gentlemen. Bye.

 

This week's episode is sponsored by Dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP118-20OH20MY20MRS20SCROGGINS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:14am EDT

Is it small? No it is not. It is in fact a gargantuan beast of a pod featuring a second visit by the impeccable, implacable, impossible, Grace Dent! In an exclusive first chat following her cruel ousting* of Marina O'Loughlin as Guardian restaurant critic, Grace tells the TKIOF-Bros all about watching Hawkwind, a vampire, just how dreamy John Torode is and also opens up about her struggles to leave her giant L-shaped sofa. Sam backs Buble, whatever the cost. James has a beautiful voice. Sam and James abandon their dogs. Grace, James and Sam start a band. Plus, Grace plays the Geography Game, they all hang out at Claire Balding's house during the apocalypse and Grace Dent wonders why in all hell James and Sam would even bother to still record the podcast...

There is a pile of Sam, a stack of James, and enough Grace to fill every Premier Inn in the land. Three big names, one podcast, many topics. And a Lion Bar.

*this is untrue. Though it is an exclusive! That part is true. Honest!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP117-20NESTING20INSTINCT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:28am EDT

Woo and indeed hoo! The SamSamMan and the RamRamMan are here spewing up episode 116 like a seabird feeding their young on a rocky outcrop somewhere...Thomas The Tank Engine, Frank Sinatra and Chick Corea are along for the 'ride'. James runs a long way in Florence and orders magnums of wine much to his pal's chagrin. Sam is hungover and does not look good. All this plus sunburned pigs, Bocca Di Lupo and the unique misery of sitting down in the shower.

This episode is sponsored by the legendary dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka/ourlondon.com

Direct download: TKIOF-EP116-20ROADSIDE20ANIMAL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13am EDT

Episode 114 seems to be themed, 'Sesame Street'-style around the letter 'M': James and Sam celebrate the fall of Mugabe and Mladic, consider a Magpie Book Club, Medieval feasting, and Charles Manson. Moving away from 'M', they consider Ed from Radiohead's new solo album, Nigella's new show, and get deeply into death and whether James is dead inside. James can't stop getting naked in public, Sam is unsure whether The Proclaimers are brothers or lovers and they both lose themselves in how to be PC when it comes to the hallowed parlour game "Here Stands A Post". As usual it's yet another stunning entry in the TKIOF genre.

This episode is sponsored by the fine folk at dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP115-20NAKED20JAMES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:51am EDT

Yet another classic of the genre, if the genre is standard TKIOF fare….and it is. This week the ‘PieBoyz start dry, then wet up their grim whistles with some crispy Albarino. They then tumble head first into a cupboard of grease to discuss Sticky Walnut and pickled celery. Win Butler from Arcade Fire is rude to Sam and James gets ‘seen to’ by that pesky Boozy Quack. There’s a lot of dull broth, fun with a gavel and Meatloaf: The Musical. Is this a bounty of chat? Damn right it is. It’s a veritable dry chocolate covered coconut bar of discussion, wit, intelligence and flat out mouth based sounds masquerading as speech. Or something.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP114-20ENTER20THE20GREASE20CUPBOARD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:56am EDT

Back once again in an at least vaguely similar fashion to a renegade master, it's James Of Ramsden and Sam Of Herlihy. Also in tow is Puggsley from 'The Addams Family' aka Ajax Of Kentish. This week the foolish fools discuss a long dead corpse, how to drill a carrot and ambergris. James is has incredible fitness levels, Sam is confused by time again and Ajax is wearing a rude teeshirt. All this plus Joey Trib, some somewhat serious chat about restaurant soft launches, and a lovely chat about broccoli. (Green not Barbara).

Direct download: TKIOF-EP113-20THE20SOFTEST20OF20OPENINGS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:16am EDT

It's a behemoth, an epic, a bloated two hour stumble through The Nutes, Jeff Garlin, bad backs, the live stage musical 'School Of Rock' and James's greasy nipples. Amidst these important and fascinating topics our dumb pair find time to ponder their favourite chords, Sam's mother's new app, and they also try desperately not to offend anyone with regards to Weinstein.....

It is long, and it's perhaps not entirely strong but these two verifiable Billys of the Silly varietal surely deserve praise for effort? Finally, anyone who manages to stagger to the very end of this Tolkien-esque leviathan.... Aloha! Well done indeed audio-friend!

This episode is sponsored by www.dropwine.co.uk and Our/London vodka from www.ourvodka.com

Direct download: TKIOF-EP112-20SAFE20CITIZENS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:15am EDT

Ajax doesn't show up to make his debut on TKIOF. However, zero tears are shed and Sam and James put the boot in and play Joey Trib without that oversleeping joker. Elsewhere last week's guest is roundly mocked for his funky dancing, Sam fails to understand the concept of time and James tells a fascinating tale regarding the reorganization of his cookbook shelves. Sam hits a dishwasher with a hammer, Pidgin wins an award and it's unclear whether or not a man on fire is alive or dead. TKIOF episode one one one, yet more of the wonderment and vast intellect you expect from the PidgPie Boyzzzzz!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP111-20VOLLEYBALL20AND20ALL20THAT20CAPER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:35am EDT

The at least vaguely legendary George Reynolds is in the proverbial hizzhouse to get deep, get real and get down upon the topic of....food! Who would of thunk it? The Pidg'Pie boyz join in a spirited verbal joust-off with Gee-Rizzle (as I imagine no one has ever called him) and a lovely, warmhearted affair it is too. We discover that James may have a penchant for stalking young food writers. George goes hog wild for Waitrose pesto and Sam desperately wanted to be a theatre nerd. Things get serious, things get stupid and other things...happen in an auditory sense. Also, the truly wonderful game 'Joey Trib' is back. Praise be! (To all and any false/real idols you idolizzzzzze!) Bye bye!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP110-_THE_EGO_SCRIPTOR_HAS_LANDED.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:53am EDT

All change on TKIOF Episode 109* where our trusty twosome glamp, brunch and grouse like it is in fact no thing. James fires up a wood oven only to baffle Sam with his meat tightfistedness. Sam's back explodes which flat out disgusts James. They discuss The War On Drugs, a singular pirate in the Caribbean and James's wife bravely purchases a stroller unseen from Gumtree! Stay tuned to find out how that jeopardy-ridden vibe plays out....

*There's no change, it's the same load of dumb chat it always is.

Direct download: TKIOF-109-_SMALL_PORTIONS_OF_BRAISED_MEAT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:39am EDT

James and Sam are back and wrestling with topics both vast in scale and slippery in nature. Popeye, Free Willy, Gentle Ben and Wall E are all guests at this chatfest. Sam doesn't care if life is real, James intends to commit fraud at Zara and there is a truly fascinating discussion of import/export tax rates, shipping and bonded warehouses. Gawdamn this is a zesty brain trust. Two great minds jousting with the truths of life as if it is in fact, no thang. Kerplunk!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP108-_NUDE_AND_COVERED_IN_JELLY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:57am EDT

Everyone's first choices for a 'Chuckle Brothers' re-boot are back after a few weeks off to open a new restaurant. Sam discovers that James is a heavily scarred individual while James discovers that Sam is utterly inept at rugby. There's also some classic insulting of their audience, a long discussion on the etiquette of loaning fields to other farmers and a weird Lionel Ritchie in 'Ghost' detour. You've missed them, they haven't missed you, but still, James and Sam are back and ready to upturn an overflowing bucket of TKIOF juice all over yer heads!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP107-20A20FIELD20FULL20OF20SPIDERS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:14am EDT

Could this actually be the end of the line for our gruesome twosome? Sam and James have had an argument and it seems that bygones can't be bygones...In other news they get lost in 'Gulliver's Travels', there's a Radiohead update and whilst their own friendship seems dashed upon the rocks, they'd both really like to be friends with Edgar Wright. Oh, and Sam vomits so much he blows out all the blood vessels in his eyeballs.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP106-THE20ARGUMENT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:10am EDT

It's a guest fest. A festival of guests. Thom Ramsden! Faith! Pidgin regular turned pal of our dummy hosts Matt Bright! It rains misogyny, there is talk of The Doors and 'The Doors' and Matt tells all about a boozy trip to Hitler's bunker. James embarrasses himself in a pub and Sam is flat-out rude to a homeless dude. Episode one hundred and five comes from a new venue, with new people on the microphones, but it's still the same old nozzle of nonsense spurting all over the place. Get it, hear it, know it and feel a bit gross afterwards.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP105-THE20GRIEF20PROWL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:29am EDT

Sam is scared of his wife and of Spiderman's genitals. James looks like Batfleck and is once more talking about umbilical cords. Classic, and classy, TKIOF vibes on show, in the show. Showbusiness! Know this.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP103-20THE20URN2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:46am EDT

James teaches everyone about hypno-birthing. Somehow this leads into talk of the Zapatistas, The Smashing Pumpkins and Adam Buxton. Unlikely bedfellows perhaps but what d'ye expect? Anyway, Sam is happy with his lot and James blanks a fan and Sting may or may not go to Pidgin for dinner......It's TKIOF, and you are welcome.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP102-STING27S20LACY20THONG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:42am EDT

You thought you were safe? Free from these yapping dummies? Think again people. J-Razzle and the Sh'Dawg are back. Bringing their classic brand of babbling nonsense one more. Scary goats? Present and correct. Relentless namedropping? Of course. A long, some might say stupidly long, discussion of Dido's family tree? Yep. All this plus some deep confusion regarding Incas and Aztecs and James rubs his eye with some serious technique! You are welcome!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP101-BLACK20GARY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:19am EDT

In the words of a dead drunk leather trouser wearing idiot; This is the end.

After one hundred episodes of sometimes inspired and more often utterly nonsensical idiocy, our dumb heroes stagger wheezing over the finish line. Did they put any effort into their swansong? What do you think? They die as they lived, unprepared, lost in digressions, pondering incredibly stupid animal based conundrums, their old friend Bane alongside them. Is there talk of an accidental B and Q swastika? Do they wonder for too long over what exactly a 'smoked chub' is? Does James score a hell of a goal from right midfield? Did Sam have a sad dream? There is, they do, he did and he did too. The Kitchen Is On Fire no more. Now it's just a steamy mouldering pile of ash and lukewarm water. Thank God for that.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP100-THE20END.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:12am EDT

In what could well be the penultimate ever episode of TKIOF Sam is wearing weird pants and James has been cooking a mixed grill. They discuss funny dads, a lot of drummers and ice-skating. There's an odd detour into Sam's fear of beavers and they both ponder on the current whereabouts of Gary Rhodes. Is this the end for the intrepid Pidgin boyz?....hold on tight.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP99-20MASTERS20OF20NOWT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:55am EDT

James gets poisoned, Sam ponders on a grim public death. Salmon is cooked and eaten. Sam's wife does not rate aubergine which upsets both of our near enough legendary hosts. James has also been in Paris where he drank much wine and viewed much vintage pornography. Oh and Sam comes out swinging in favor of truffle oil. The Kitchen Is On Fire once again and it's getting if not hot, then at least uncomfortably steamy...

Direct download: TKIOF-EP98-_GRIEF_INTERFERENCE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:22am EDT

This week the PidginBoyz (TM) babble on about Weetabix, Glastonbury and the rules of shaving. A German at a festival freaks out some people on drugs and Sam considers a pretty drastic lifestyle change. There's also another advert, a lot of talk about drilling through the very center of the earth and James's hair looks pretty damn good. Standard legendary vibes, non-standard levels of hilarity, it's TKIOF as per usual.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP96-THE_RUNNING_MAN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:12am EDT

As TKIOF staggers blindly towards Episode 100....Sam is haunted by a jaunty elephant. James is wearing a cap. Young people are going to die and perhaps squid and octopuses are in fact, in charge of the planet. I mean this is solid gold TKIOF, of that there can be no doubt. Later, Sam freaks out about oysters and raw pork while James is concerned about youth calcium intake. What more do you want?!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP95-_ELEPHANT_IN_THE_ROOM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:49am EDT

In a shock to many, our gruesome twosome are back for the second week on the bounce. Bringing yet more of the high falutin', Marinas Trench-deep thinking that, as ye,t has not secured them a Nobel or a Pulitzer. This episode features a long and pretty dull chat about butter, James cooks a cock, Sam tells a spooky story about a lighthouse and the 'hilarious' recurring theme of diabetes. It really is something. In a way.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP91-_BOVINE_STRANGULATION.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:43am EDT

James and Sam make their long awaited (by at least two human beings) return! Bringing their usual idiocy and bickering to the year 2017. It's as if they haven't even been away for months as James refuses to understand just how big Giant Squid are, Sam namedrops like a twat, they ponder on the forthcoming death of Bob Dylan and just how much risky sex pensioners are really having.

The Kitchen Is On Fire (Again). Namaste!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP90-SQUID_VS_WHALE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:28am EDT

Direct download: TKIOF-EP84-JAMES20AND20SAM27S20BEDTIME20ROUTINE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:24am EDT

Sam and James continue to mine the very depths of human inquiry with their restless and curious minds, pondering hare krishna here, discussing Lady and the Tramp there. We have groundbreaking discussions about soylent, the difference between maceration and marination, and the fellatio cafe due to open in London. Sam was shouted at in a supermarket carpark. James says 'virgin' rather too much. What is the Pidgin motto?What did Italian police do to a lonely old couple? And was everybody, actually, kung fu fighting?

Direct download: TKIOF-EP82-_THE_HUMAN_SNOWFLAKE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:03am EDT

In which the silliest of billies discuss a bbq at John Torode's house, whether or not 'mummy' is a PC term, a witch's cottage and black coloured food.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP80-LURING20A20MULE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:56am EDT

Things kick off with a ripping discussion on whether or not Mark Rylance could have played E.T. or Jaws. Conversation moves on to pondering weird food habits of the rich and famous, sexism, and potatoes. There's a cavolo nero update. Sam has developed a seafood allergy. James wants to be buried at sea after being fired from a human cannon. Margot wants to eat crab in prison. Can you eat a stickleback? How long does a fly's lifetime feel? How do you shoot a cow? Find out this week.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP68-_MARGOT_HASHTAG_YOLO.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:37am EDT

Direct download: TKIOF-EP48-THE_TROLL_TOLL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:42am EDT