The Kitchen Is On Fire

It’s bumper, it’s dumb, it’s full of come...all ye faithful. It’s the TKIOF Christmas Special 2017. A whole bunch of folk stop by*, Billy Ray Cyrus, a creepy lion, fan favourite Mrs Scroggins and Pulitzer prize winning journalist Jonathan Gold.

*are talked about.

Sam cracks a rib and is thrown under a bus by his wife. James smells brazil nuts somewhere he shouldn’t and has some sexy garlic themed banter with his wife. Our heroic Christmas hosts also find time to perform ‘Cav Nero: The Sitcom’, share presents with one another and discuss their favourite meals of the year.

Fill yer ears with this plentiful hamper of chat and seasonal goodies, learn just how wacky sides can get at the Ramsden’s Christmas table, wonder on the racism of hats and freak out when you hear exactly what James is willing to feed to a dog....

Direct download: TKIOF-EP119-YULE20DOG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am EST

Greetings friend. James and Sam are back for another episode of fun, japes, chat and parlour games. How...warming it all is. This week Sam gets frisky in a hospice, James makes carbonara and things get a little serious when, once again, the spectre (cue falsetto..Spectre!) of gross dudes acting gross, is discussed once again. Hey gross dudes! The TKIOF-Two suggest, you keep the mouse in the house! Okay?!

Leaving that behind James and Sam crack on with mashed potato chat, duck cookery and 'Home Alone 2'.

Oh and there's also a wonderful cliff-hanger ending!

At this time of year, what more could want? How lovely. Seasons salutations to you ladies and gentlemen. Bye.

 

This week's episode is sponsored by Dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP118-20OH20MY20MRS20SCROGGINS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:14am EST

Is it small? No it is not. It is in fact a gargantuan beast of a pod featuring a second visit by the impeccable, implacable, impossible, Grace Dent! In an exclusive first chat following her cruel ousting* of Marina O'Loughlin as Guardian restaurant critic, Grace tells the TKIOF-Bros all about watching Hawkwind, a vampire, just how dreamy John Torode is and also opens up about her struggles to leave her giant L-shaped sofa. Sam backs Buble, whatever the cost. James has a beautiful voice. Sam and James abandon their dogs. Grace, James and Sam start a band. Plus, Grace plays the Geography Game, they all hang out at Claire Balding's house during the apocalypse and Grace Dent wonders why in all hell James and Sam would even bother to still record the podcast...

There is a pile of Sam, a stack of James, and enough Grace to fill every Premier Inn in the land. Three big names, one podcast, many topics. And a Lion Bar.

*this is untrue. Though it is an exclusive! That part is true. Honest!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP117-20NESTING20INSTINCT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:28am EST

Woo and indeed hoo! The SamSamMan and the RamRamMan are here spewing up episode 116 like a seabird feeding their young on a rocky outcrop somewhere...Thomas The Tank Engine, Frank Sinatra and Chick Corea are along for the 'ride'. James runs a long way in Florence and orders magnums of wine much to his pal's chagrin. Sam is hungover and does not look good. All this plus sunburned pigs, Bocca Di Lupo and the unique misery of sitting down in the shower.

This episode is sponsored by the legendary dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka/ourlondon.com

Direct download: TKIOF-EP116-20ROADSIDE20ANIMAL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13am EST

Episode 114 seems to be themed, 'Sesame Street'-style around the letter 'M': James and Sam celebrate the fall of Mugabe and Mladic, consider a Magpie Book Club, Medieval feasting, and Charles Manson. Moving away from 'M', they consider Ed from Radiohead's new solo album, Nigella's new show, and get deeply into death and whether James is dead inside. James can't stop getting naked in public, Sam is unsure whether The Proclaimers are brothers or lovers and they both lose themselves in how to be PC when it comes to the hallowed parlour game "Here Stands A Post". As usual it's yet another stunning entry in the TKIOF genre.

This episode is sponsored by the fine folk at dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP115-20NAKED20JAMES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:51am EST

Yet another classic of the genre, if the genre is standard TKIOF fare….and it is. This week the ‘PieBoyz start dry, then wet up their grim whistles with some crispy Albarino. They then tumble head first into a cupboard of grease to discuss Sticky Walnut and pickled celery. Win Butler from Arcade Fire is rude to Sam and James gets ‘seen to’ by that pesky Boozy Quack. There’s a lot of dull broth, fun with a gavel and Meatloaf: The Musical. Is this a bounty of chat? Damn right it is. It’s a veritable dry chocolate covered coconut bar of discussion, wit, intelligence and flat out mouth based sounds masquerading as speech. Or something.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP114-20ENTER20THE20GREASE20CUPBOARD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:56am EST

Back once again in an at least vaguely similar fashion to a renegade master, it's James Of Ramsden and Sam Of Herlihy. Also in tow is Puggsley from 'The Addams Family' aka Ajax Of Kentish. This week the foolish fools discuss a long dead corpse, how to drill a carrot and ambergris. James is has incredible fitness levels, Sam is confused by time again and Ajax is wearing a rude teeshirt. All this plus Joey Trib, some somewhat serious chat about restaurant soft launches, and a lovely chat about broccoli. (Green not Barbara).

Direct download: TKIOF-EP113-20THE20SOFTEST20OF20OPENINGS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:16am EST

It's a behemoth, an epic, a bloated two hour stumble through The Nutes, Jeff Garlin, bad backs, the live stage musical 'School Of Rock' and James's greasy nipples. Amidst these important and fascinating topics our dumb pair find time to ponder their favourite chords, Sam's mother's new app, and they also try desperately not to offend anyone with regards to Weinstein.....

It is long, and it's perhaps not entirely strong but these two verifiable Billys of the Silly varietal surely deserve praise for effort? Finally, anyone who manages to stagger to the very end of this Tolkien-esque leviathan.... Aloha! Well done indeed audio-friend!

This episode is sponsored by www.dropwine.co.uk and Our/London vodka from www.ourvodka.com

Direct download: TKIOF-EP112-20SAFE20CITIZENS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:15am EST

Ajax doesn't show up to make his debut on TKIOF. However, zero tears are shed and Sam and James put the boot in and play Joey Trib without that oversleeping joker. Elsewhere last week's guest is roundly mocked for his funky dancing, Sam fails to understand the concept of time and James tells a fascinating tale regarding the reorganization of his cookbook shelves. Sam hits a dishwasher with a hammer, Pidgin wins an award and it's unclear whether or not a man on fire is alive or dead. TKIOF episode one one one, yet more of the wonderment and vast intellect you expect from the PidgPie Boyzzzzz!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP111-20VOLLEYBALL20AND20ALL20THAT20CAPER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:35am EST

The at least vaguely legendary George Reynolds is in the proverbial hizzhouse to get deep, get real and get down upon the topic of....food! Who would of thunk it? The Pidg'Pie boyz join in a spirited verbal joust-off with Gee-Rizzle (as I imagine no one has ever called him) and a lovely, warmhearted affair it is too. We discover that James may have a penchant for stalking young food writers. George goes hog wild for Waitrose pesto and Sam desperately wanted to be a theatre nerd. Things get serious, things get stupid and other things...happen in an auditory sense. Also, the truly wonderful game 'Joey Trib' is back. Praise be! (To all and any false/real idols you idolizzzzzze!) Bye bye!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP110-_THE_EGO_SCRIPTOR_HAS_LANDED.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:53am EST

All change on TKIOF Episode 109* where our trusty twosome glamp, brunch and grouse like it is in fact no thing. James fires up a wood oven only to baffle Sam with his meat tightfistedness. Sam's back explodes which flat out disgusts James. They discuss The War On Drugs, a singular pirate in the Caribbean and James's wife bravely purchases a stroller unseen from Gumtree! Stay tuned to find out how that jeopardy-ridden vibe plays out....

*There's no change, it's the same load of dumb chat it always is.

Direct download: TKIOF-109-_SMALL_PORTIONS_OF_BRAISED_MEAT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:39am EST

James and Sam are back and wrestling with topics both vast in scale and slippery in nature. Popeye, Free Willy, Gentle Ben and Wall E are all guests at this chatfest. Sam doesn't care if life is real, James intends to commit fraud at Zara and there is a truly fascinating discussion of import/export tax rates, shipping and bonded warehouses. Gawdamn this is a zesty brain trust. Two great minds jousting with the truths of life as if it is in fact, no thang. Kerplunk!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP108-_NUDE_AND_COVERED_IN_JELLY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:57am EST

Everyone's first choices for a 'Chuckle Brothers' re-boot are back after a few weeks off to open a new restaurant. Sam discovers that James is a heavily scarred individual while James discovers that Sam is utterly inept at rugby. There's also some classic insulting of their audience, a long discussion on the etiquette of loaning fields to other farmers and a weird Lionel Ritchie in 'Ghost' detour. You've missed them, they haven't missed you, but still, James and Sam are back and ready to upturn an overflowing bucket of TKIOF juice all over yer heads!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP107-20A20FIELD20FULL20OF20SPIDERS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:14am EST

Could this actually be the end of the line for our gruesome twosome? Sam and James have had an argument and it seems that bygones can't be bygones...In other news they get lost in 'Gulliver's Travels', there's a Radiohead update and whilst their own friendship seems dashed upon the rocks, they'd both really like to be friends with Edgar Wright. Oh, and Sam vomits so much he blows out all the blood vessels in his eyeballs.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP106-THE20ARGUMENT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:10am EST

It's a guest fest. A festival of guests. Thom Ramsden! Faith! Pidgin regular turned pal of our dummy hosts Matt Bright! It rains misogyny, there is talk of The Doors and 'The Doors' and Matt tells all about a boozy trip to Hitler's bunker. James embarrasses himself in a pub and Sam is flat-out rude to a homeless dude. Episode one hundred and five comes from a new venue, with new people on the microphones, but it's still the same old nozzle of nonsense spurting all over the place. Get it, hear it, know it and feel a bit gross afterwards.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP105-THE20GRIEF20PROWL.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:29am EST

It's the 21st June, aka the Summer Solstice, aka the longest day of the year, aka the day James and Sam decide to show just how square they are. They ponder a remake of the Rock involving a terror threat at Goodwood Golf Course, as well as cartoon pornography, Believe by Cher, and the Pidgin 100 Menu Party. James apologises for being accidentally rude about a chef. Sam does a none too shabby vocoder impression. Are hippies really having more fun? Was James and Sam's She Loves You karaoke effort really the highlight of the Pidgin second birthday party? And would Nick Cage put in a performance as a plucky caddy? Find out the answer to these burning kitchens in this week's the Question Is On Fire. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP104-THE_PLUCKY_CADDY.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 12:35pm EST

Sam is scared of his wife and of Spiderman's genitals. James looks like Batfleck and is once more talking about umbilical cords. Classic, and classy, TKIOF vibes on show, in the show. Showbusiness! Know this.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP103-20THE20URN2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:46am EST

James teaches everyone about hypno-birthing. Somehow this leads into talk of the Zapatistas, The Smashing Pumpkins and Adam Buxton. Unlikely bedfellows perhaps but what d'ye expect? Anyway, Sam is happy with his lot and James blanks a fan and Sting may or may not go to Pidgin for dinner......It's TKIOF, and you are welcome.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP102-STING27S20LACY20THONG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:42am EST

You thought you were safe? Free from these yapping dummies? Think again people. J-Razzle and the Sh'Dawg are back. Bringing their classic brand of babbling nonsense one more. Scary goats? Present and correct. Relentless namedropping? Of course. A long, some might say stupidly long, discussion of Dido's family tree? Yep. All this plus some deep confusion regarding Incas and Aztecs and James rubs his eye with some serious technique! You are welcome!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP101-BLACK20GARY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:19am EST

In the words of a dead drunk leather trouser wearing idiot; This is the end.

After one hundred episodes of sometimes inspired and more often utterly nonsensical idiocy, our dumb heroes stagger wheezing over the finish line. Did they put any effort into their swansong? What do you think? They die as they lived, unprepared, lost in digressions, pondering incredibly stupid animal based conundrums, their old friend Bane alongside them. Is there talk of an accidental B and Q swastika? Do they wonder for too long over what exactly a 'smoked chub' is? Does James score a hell of a goal from right midfield? Did Sam have a sad dream? There is, they do, he did and he did too. The Kitchen Is On Fire no more. Now it's just a steamy mouldering pile of ash and lukewarm water. Thank God for that.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP100-THE20END.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:12am EST

In what could well be the penultimate ever episode of TKIOF Sam is wearing weird pants and James has been cooking a mixed grill. They discuss funny dads, a lot of drummers and ice-skating. There's an odd detour into Sam's fear of beavers and they both ponder on the current whereabouts of Gary Rhodes. Is this the end for the intrepid Pidgin boyz?....hold on tight.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP99-20MASTERS20OF20NOWT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:55am EST

James gets poisoned, Sam ponders on a grim public death. Salmon is cooked and eaten. Sam's wife does not rate aubergine which upsets both of our near enough legendary hosts. James has also been in Paris where he drank much wine and viewed much vintage pornography. Oh and Sam comes out swinging in favor of truffle oil. The Kitchen Is On Fire once again and it's getting if not hot, then at least uncomfortably steamy...

Direct download: TKIOF-EP98-_GRIEF_INTERFERENCE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:22am EST

Dense treats, rat tails, poisons and the Ebola virus are all on the dummie's agenda this week. Sam struggles with his fame, James struggles to the cook the correct amount of eggs while drunk. Confusion reigns throughout TKIOFLand as to just what in all hell a 'tapir' looks like and there's another advert, this time from a friendly zookeeper! All this plus they profess their love and adoration for an incredibly beautiful man. Classic TKIOF vibes, standard TKIOF level of discourse.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP97-TAPIR_OF_TRUTH.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 4:15am EST

This week the PidginBoyz (TM) babble on about Weetabix, Glastonbury and the rules of shaving. A German at a festival freaks out some people on drugs and Sam considers a pretty drastic lifestyle change. There's also another advert, a lot of talk about drilling through the very center of the earth and James's hair looks pretty damn good. Standard legendary vibes, non-standard levels of hilarity, it's TKIOF as per usual.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP96-THE_RUNNING_MAN.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:12am EST

As TKIOF staggers blindly towards Episode 100....Sam is haunted by a jaunty elephant. James is wearing a cap. Young people are going to die and perhaps squid and octopuses are in fact, in charge of the planet. I mean this is solid gold TKIOF, of that there can be no doubt. Later, Sam freaks out about oysters and raw pork while James is concerned about youth calcium intake. What more do you want?!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP95-_ELEPHANT_IN_THE_ROOM.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:49am EST

Things get close to dangerous on this weeks TKIOF with discussion of a politically lethal topic. In other news Sam's geography skills are borderline /flat-out idiotic and James blows his nose a lot. There is a flurry of toasted nuts, a long discussion of a dieting darts player and someone uses the word 'cookery'. Yet another podcast delivered to the very highest of standards from your friendly neighbourhood dummies at The Kitchen Is On Fire. Namaste!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP94-_HAM_CULT.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 3:11pm EST

Sam and James are back at the restaurant, of a Wednesday morning. Mickey is cleaning windows. The postman drops in. The plumber arrives. It's all go. It's also hard to focus, but they manage to find time to discuss some pretty big topics including celebrities who look like students, 80s sex moves, and consciousness. Sam's just returned from visiting Montreal restaurants Joe Beef and Au Pied du Cochon. James had a dream about a spider. Is Sam lazy? Does the human soul exist? Did Mickey actually have a boner last week? And just how indecent was the proposal in the film Indecent Proposal? Find out all this AND SO MUCH MORE in this week's TKIOF. 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP93-PODUS_INTERRUPTUS.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:41am EST

The great and aforementioned Micky the window cleaner makes a brief and somewhat traumatic appearance, setting up a long discussion on when it is and isn't appropriate to show one's arousal, fishing, partying in 1st class, and getting surprised by offal. Sam bought more Cheerios. James ate liver at school. What happened to Gary Rhodes? Why is Rick Stein increasingly seeming like a weird old uncle? Will Micky be a thorn in the side of Amazon's drone programme? All this and more, in this week's TKIOF.

Direct download: TKIOF-THE_WRONG_ROD.mp3
Category:Food -- posted at: 6:06am EST

In a shock to many, our gruesome twosome are back for the second week on the bounce. Bringing yet more of the high falutin', Marinas Trench-deep thinking that, as ye,t has not secured them a Nobel or a Pulitzer. This episode features a long and pretty dull chat about butter, James cooks a cock, Sam tells a spooky story about a lighthouse and the 'hilarious' recurring theme of diabetes. It really is something. In a way.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP91-_BOVINE_STRANGULATION.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:43am EST

James and Sam make their long awaited (by at least two human beings) return! Bringing their usual idiocy and bickering to the year 2017. It's as if they haven't even been away for months as James refuses to understand just how big Giant Squid are, Sam namedrops like a twat, they ponder on the forthcoming death of Bob Dylan and just how much risky sex pensioners are really having.

The Kitchen Is On Fire (Again). Namaste!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP90-SQUID_VS_WHALE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:28am EST

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