The Kitchen Is On Fire

First up, why in all hell did Nosferatu have long fingers?

Secondly, what actually is missionary work?

Huge questions posed this week by medium sized men, both in brain size and in bodily...bulk.

Amidst the usual TKIOF ballyhoo there is genuine drama this week as Sam's wife takes a break from buying garbage on Gumtree to save a choking child, James has zero service at a beloved London restaurant and this week's guest reveals exactly what happens when you defrost a mouse in a microwave.

Said guest is the delightful self confessed 'breeder' and wine expert Joe Fattorini who basically drives up in a tanker truck full of knowledge and unscrews the rear valve, sending a spume of wine based facts arcing into the sky and directly into James and Sam's faces, ears and if we're being totally honest, their mouths. It's an aural sight to be seen/heard...I've confused myself.

Furthermore, Jame's wife hangs out on a beach with Benny Cumberbatch, Sam is amazed by James and Joe's pope knowledge and Joe puts a dent in a 10 million dollar roof with a drone.

It's a TKIOF, and you know EXACTLY, what that means.

Pull 'em up and put it on.

Wazzzzzzup etc.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP139-THE_PRATFALL_EFFECT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:51am EDT

James and Sam are this week joined, via human contact within the same room on a little place I like to call Planet Earth, by another homo sapiens type creature. This one goes by many names but for the purposes of this podcast we shall know him by his actual name, Chris Stark!

Chris dishes many tonnes of dirt on life at Radio One, studying politics, his infamous Mila Kunis interview and his new found love for cooking.

Before that, James continues to lower the bar when it comes to parenting ability, gets aggy with his wife and watches a really fun movie film.

Meanwhile Sam just can't stop walking down a foul alley, his wife just can't stop buying trash on Gumtree and his son just can't stop doing something obscene while listening to 'Rattlesnake' by King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard.

Wow meet zer! It really is a podcast of a rare vintage. Hear it, in your mind. Via, as ever, your ears. Or someone else's. Your call.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP138-MUTTON_PELLETS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:14am EDT

It's duo week on TKIOF in that there are only two people mouthspeaking. Those two people are James and Sam. You know them. You like them very much.

You'll also like hearing them breathing in air and spewing out wise thoughts and unwise idiocy. Examples this week include Sam telling a Spanish lady his name is Elias, James cooking a turbot on Jersey and the pair of them being very unsure as to how radar works.

Sam has taken a liking to Sundays, James plays hardball with a gym membership renewal. There's yet more Brat-Chat and they both take Jay Rayner to task for leaving flaming dogdirt on someone's front door step....

Also, canalside vikings, a parmesan storm, James's son swearing and Sam thinks, once more, he's about to die.

This week's episode is sponsored by the friendly booze hounds at dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP137-NUGGET_OF_NECESSITY.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:54am EDT

Wames Wamsden and Wam Werlihy begin this weeks waffle with many words (once again) upon one of their favourite topics, the films and general vibe of Christopher Nolan.

Keeping it filmic they go on to talk nonsense about Bladerunner and talk respectfully about the passing of director Milos Forman.

They discuss their recent evening cooking at Magpie, James tries to convince Sam that the Earth is flat and Sam tries to convince James that coffins can move of their own spooky accord, in a crypt, in Barbados.

Thankfully esteemed food writer and author Olia Hercules shows up and things take a turn for the wiser and far more informative. Olia schools the TKIOF Posse on growing up in the Soviet Union, blue fenugreek and basically upturns a stockpot full of hot and steaming cookery knowledge over their heads.

Olia and James share an allergy, Sam is still conflicted about eating octopus and James leaves his son with strangers in a canal-side cafe.

All this plus, Ukrainian summer kitchens, Kiev restaurant recommendations and a deep dive on some weapons grade borscht technique.

It's borderline classic TickyOff. It's noises made by humans via their mouths on their faces and then into your ears on your heads. Or wherever else you keep you ears. That's up to you.

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP136-THE_GEORGIAN_TOASTMASTER.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:13am EDT

This week James and Sam are joined by beloved cookbook author and all knowing cookery sage Diana Henry. This three-mouthed babble machine trades chat based blows about pizza ovens, River Cottage and The Sportsman. Diana spills the beans on her trip to White Rabbit restaurant in Moscow and Sam and James dish on how they come up with dishes at Pidgin. See? They dish on dishes. Wonderful.

Furthermore, James says broadcast again and they all discuss the language of food, Gabrielle Hamilton and Ruby Tandoh.

Before Diana shows up James visits Sardine to eat a veal shin, Sam explains why he wears a condom on aeroplanes and this most deadly of duos reveal the mysteries and wonder of a little something they like to call Broc-O-Clock.

It's not complicated, it's TKIOF goddamnit. Enjoy this sound within your ears.

Wake up.

This weeks episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP135-PEACH_SARDINE_WHITE_RABBIT..mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:54am EDT

Rejoice all those who hate Sam and his awful nasal voice. his microphone broke halfway through the recording. The good news is he’s a lot quieter than normal, the bad is that in order to get him even somewhat audible the sound quality is not perfect. Humble apologies, hopefully it won’t affect your enjoyment too much, a few sound issues are a small price to pay to hear this week’s guest….

It’s episode one hundred and thirty four and Deputy Editor of @qmagazine Niall Doherty is here. Before he shows up James and Sam trade sounds from their mouths on a wide variety of topics such as the wedding Sam just went to, Adam Coghlan’s cap, Chick Fil A and a German cannibal. Sam sees a Steve Bannon lookalike, James rode a horse and ate many many cashew nuts.

After that glittering yap performance Niall schools the TKIOF BozoPatrol on nosebleeds, airport boozing and his deep seated love for Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam. Namedropping like a cloud drops….rain…Niall eats stew with Sting, stew with Shaggy, chilli with Josh Homme and hangs out in a number of chain restaurants with Liam Gallagher.
There’s also time for a QuickFire, a somewhat serious discussion on people being mean and Niall reveals that when Sam was in a band, he was pretty much a twat.

The sound may not be perfect this week but do you know what is perfect? The classic TKIOF vibe is perfect. What more could anyone listening to TKIOF ask for?

This week’s episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP134-SHAGGY_AND_THE_STEW.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:59am EDT

Welcome all to episode one hundred and thirty three of what many people call their absolute favourite thing in their entire lives, TKIOF.
This one is the very opposite of short, in that it’s long. However, unlike massive snakes, this is long for a reason. The TickyOff Boyz are joined this week by Adam Coghlan, editor of Eater London, natty dresser and would be flaneur.
Before he shows, James and Sam discuss Harold Shipman, Sixpence None The Richer and Calabrian sausage lahmacun. James lets rip with a splendid custard technique while Sam matches said splendid technique with his splendid marinara sauce technique. Splendid.
Once Adam arrives, this be-mouthed threesome combine forces like a chat based version of the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. This triple mouthed headed chatbeast get into bread, Rosio Sanchez, The Cornwall Project and the golden age of London restaurant chefs. They yap it up on new London restaurants Brat and Hide and Adam bemoans the lack of a truly perfect taco. Sam threatens to drive his 1997 Toyota Yaris into a swanky car lift, James does a weird ad for a cat killing podcast and Adam hits you all in the face with his London restaurant recommendations.
Wow people. It really is something. It really is.

This week’s episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP133-SPORTY_CHAPS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:45am EDT

The tension is high, the tide is high, Sam and James may be high. Anyway Adam from Eater is once more running scared (until next week anyway) so Victor Garvey of Rambla restaurant fame steps in to yap it up with the TKIOF-Bozo-Corps upon such topics as Noma, El Bulli, fizzy sangria, paella and the price of snails.

Prior to Victor's arrival, James tells all about a delightful time he once had and also visits new Shoreditch restaurant, Leeroy, where he is defeated by a giant gland. Sam says some stuff too, most of it jelly themed for some unfathomable reason.

Do you know what this is? Yes, you do. It is classic, absolute classic Ticky-Off. Know this and tell others of this. Also like and subscribe or else Victor will give you a dead arm.

This week's episode is sponsored by the fine folk at dropwine.co.uk and the equally wondrous gang at ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP132-MESSING_WITH_THE_FABRIC.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34am EDT

"Are you going to Scarborough Fair?" they sang. No we are not, we are going to a kitchen that just so happens to be on fire. Also, just FYI, we are not keen on twee folk music and thyme can be an overpowering herb.

This week The Boardroom has been left behind for a new spot in The Office. Sam has cooked some braciole while James's Dad cooked a foul soup. James himself drove North with no quarter given to the MiniBeast From The East, all to eat the aforementioned grim soupy treat.

Some policemen waved at Sam's son, James buys wasabi peas, Bill Hader has a nasal voice and James plays a QuickFire.

Things take a turn for the better when MiMi Aye, author of the book "NOODLE!", shows up to school the TKIOF-Boyz on Burmese food, 'Masterchef' and culturally dumb food brand stupidity.

There's the usual sparring of great intellects, the usual belly laughs and wonderful chortles, but this week, praise be to MiMi, there's also a huge amount of knowledge spraying all over your ears like a student Ear-Nose-And-Throat doctor has let loose with some sort of knowledge based ear ointment cannon.

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP131-STRUCK_BY_A_NUGGET_WITH_MIMI_AYE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:16am EDT

Things get meaty, things get beaty, things gets big and you are damn right that things get bouncy this week when Tim Hayward (The Financial Times, Fitzbillies, books, beards etc) shows up to start spewing chat all over The Boardroom like a busted fire hydrant of food based words and sentences.

There's dirty car chat. There is accountancy chat. James has a big night out and test drives a Volvo. Sam puts food focused magazines out of business and Tim gets pretty much obscenely over-erotic in the business-time based Boardroom.

All this...plus....to be honest they are all quite serious, quite food oriented and they put them lolz to one side to chew the industry based fat for once...Reservations! Business rates! What it takes! Creative processes!

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP130-HELICOPTERING_WITH_TIM_HAYWARD.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:21am EDT