The Kitchen Is On Fire

Jamesssss and Samsssss are up in The Garret and Sam's bride Abbie makes her debut upon the Ticky-Off. She's lovely, Sam is less so and James is James. You know, eating vegan, talking about it lots, breaking his nose lots, loving systems lots.

'Groundhog Day' creepy but liked 'Phantom Thread'. Sam is once more haunted by Davy Jones' Locker and they are both sad that Johann Johannsson has died.

Sam takes a swing at Claude Bosi, Sat Bains and The Beastie Boys and James considers the wonder that is his own brother, Will.

Somehow Abbie manages to stay awake through two of the most boring stories ever told on this, or any other podcast. It's like 'Serial:Season 2' up in this joint. Except instead of a soldier going AWOL, there's a pair of ill fitting boots and instead of a man barely surviving torture and imprisonment, there's a man who can't convince his wife to use a laundry basket.

Try it for yerself, see if you can stay awake! It'll be fun. In a way.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP126-THESE_BOOTS_WERE_MADE_FOR_BORING.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:25am EST

It's episode one hundred and twenty five which means only one thing: it's the episode after episode one hundred and twenty four!

Start with a cliffhanger like that and there's only one way to go, down. Down like a dated Chilean miner reference.

The dumb dumb club are back in The Garret working on scripts for their debut sitcom 'Castlemania', discussing chem-sex and 'The Fugitive'. Sam cooked some meatballs, James over cooked a hunk of meat. There's a strange mix up between Richard Pryor and Peter Kay and a foul chocolate ice cream pronunciation.

An actor is very showy in public with his copy of 'Infinite Jest' and is firmly taken to task. James learns about Don Quixote and Sam finally learns, many years too late, where the Olympics were held.

There's also exciting news about something that's upcoming next week....hint...it's episode one hundred and twenty six!!!

Two cliffhangers in one blurb? Yr welcome Chuckles!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP125-CASTLEMANIA.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:04am EST

Two men things, Samuel and Jamesuel have flown The Garret and are instead holed up in the pretty swank surroundings of the private dining room at The Coach. They are joined this week by the mighty Matt Bright, who's partner/wife/person has birthed a human child in the recent past. Cowabunga! Human life!

Chef of The Coach Henry Harris drops by to school this triple-dummy team on his new menu, sausages made of guts and a fiendish pub quiz involving biscuit crumbs.

Elsewhere James goes to hospital, Sam gets bribed and Matt is banging on about containers again.

There's JoeyTrib, there's Hull chat and there's a dim memory of a woman sucking a toe or two.

It's live, it's TKIOF, it's stupid.

 

Direct download: TKIOF-EP124-TOESUCKER_LIVE_FROM_THE_COACH.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:48am EST

Funky purple dead person Prince once sang, in his hit single 'Get Off', about enjoying 23 positions in a one night stand. In this hit podcast ,'TKIOF', James and Sam provide at least 23 chat based positions. Wow, sensual and educational.

This week James returns to The Garret after a holiday in Sri Lanka where he blew out some friendly folk, rolled around in a TukTuk, swam in a green pool and had a run in with a runner.

In James's absence Sam has finally learned what 'natch' means, attacked a cat with a lightsaber and has been eating far too many boiled eggs.

They discuss bands ripping off other bands, widows and pornography and there's an update on Dead Man's Shoes.

What a lovely listen it all is. James and Sam truly hope you enjoy every wonderful moment.

This episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP123-ITS_A_SHAME_ABOUT_JAMES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:31am EST

Our favourite two silly billies are back in The Garret and back on the chatbike, pedalling hard up a verdant hillside of....topics.

This week they lay out their predictions for the year, involving celebrity deaths, cocaine scandals, and flapjack consumption.

James makes a weird sauce, Sam survives a powercut in Waitrose and they nearly come to blows over how healthy one's life should be. In other yap wonders, they try and think of ten famous Belgians, consider whether George Reynolds will lose his virginity this year and they learn about Sam's father-in-law's penchant for wearing the shoes of dead men....

A note on this week's episode:

The bleeps previously used to represent George Reynolds, now do not. New Year, new TKIOF, he has earned the right for us to utter his name again. The bleeps now represent the names of people we may or may not be slandering....

This week's episode is sponsored by dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP122-DEAD_MANS_SHOES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:18am EST

Is this the end for one of these two idiots? Does the hairy monster one die? Tune in and find out.

James and Sam are still banging on about New Year. They are also pondering on maintaining some childlike wonder, Hassidic Jews at Chinese buffets and gummy potatoes. James has begun the new year smug, Sam has begun it by quitting nicotine. James's mother throws out a perfectly good DVD player, or does she???? Sam ate a mini pie in a supermarket with his brother, or did he????

She didn't, he did. Classic TKIOF good times right there.

I love you.

Goodbye.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP121-SAM20DIES.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:11am EST

Stuff is talked about. There is an audio glitch thirty five minutes in. They do not know what The Rock is cooking. James fears intruders. Sam spent the day at Magpie. They talk a lot about films. Wow. This was fun.

Direct download: TKIOF-EP120-20BANE20IN20A20PLANE.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:22am EST

It’s bumper, it’s dumb, it’s full of come...all ye faithful. It’s the TKIOF Christmas Special 2017. A whole bunch of folk stop by*, Billy Ray Cyrus, a creepy lion, fan favourite Mrs Scroggins and Pulitzer prize winning journalist Jonathan Gold.

*are talked about.

Sam cracks a rib and is thrown under a bus by his wife. James smells brazil nuts somewhere he shouldn’t and has some sexy garlic themed banter with his wife. Our heroic Christmas hosts also find time to perform ‘Cav Nero: The Sitcom’, share presents with one another and discuss their favourite meals of the year.

Fill yer ears with this plentiful hamper of chat and seasonal goodies, learn just how wacky sides can get at the Ramsden’s Christmas table, wonder on the racism of hats and freak out when you hear exactly what James is willing to feed to a dog....

Direct download: TKIOF-EP119-YULE20DOG.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am EST

Greetings friend. James and Sam are back for another episode of fun, japes, chat and parlour games. How...warming it all is. This week Sam gets frisky in a hospice, James makes carbonara and things get a little serious when, once again, the spectre (cue falsetto..Spectre!) of gross dudes acting gross, is discussed once again. Hey gross dudes! The TKIOF-Two suggest, you keep the mouse in the house! Okay?!

Leaving that behind James and Sam crack on with mashed potato chat, duck cookery and 'Home Alone 2'.

Oh and there's also a wonderful cliff-hanger ending!

At this time of year, what more could want? How lovely. Seasons salutations to you ladies and gentlemen. Bye.

 

This week's episode is sponsored by Dropwine.co.uk and ourvodka.com/ourlondon

Direct download: TKIOF-EP118-20OH20MY20MRS20SCROGGINS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:14am EST

Is it small? No it is not. It is in fact a gargantuan beast of a pod featuring a second visit by the impeccable, implacable, impossible, Grace Dent! In an exclusive first chat following her cruel ousting* of Marina O'Loughlin as Guardian restaurant critic, Grace tells the TKIOF-Bros all about watching Hawkwind, a vampire, just how dreamy John Torode is and also opens up about her struggles to leave her giant L-shaped sofa. Sam backs Buble, whatever the cost. James has a beautiful voice. Sam and James abandon their dogs. Grace, James and Sam start a band. Plus, Grace plays the Geography Game, they all hang out at Claire Balding's house during the apocalypse and Grace Dent wonders why in all hell James and Sam would even bother to still record the podcast...

There is a pile of Sam, a stack of James, and enough Grace to fill every Premier Inn in the land. Three big names, one podcast, many topics. And a Lion Bar.

*this is untrue. Though it is an exclusive! That part is true. Honest!

Direct download: TKIOF-EP117-20NESTING20INSTINCT.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:28am EST