It's the 50th episode but James and Sam have forgotten, so instead discuss restaurant peeves, hearty home fare, and sex with Dane Bowers. James decides he wants to be put face down in his coffin. Sam stays on his own at James' house and eats vegan noodles. What happened when Tom Cruise met Dustin Hoffman? What are duck feet called? And how fast can water snakes swim? 

With the buzz of a busy kitchen in the background, the boys meet again to work their way through some pretty big-hitting topics, including casual sex, vintage port, peanut M and Ms, and Kevin Costner. Sam's nan buys him 'Erotica' by Madonna. James touches his willy. A guy called Hassan tries to sell them knock-off wines, and Margot joins to argue the difference between a cloud of passion and a 'bang'. Is 'ethnic' food racist? Is Errol a good name? Does Kate Winslet cause huge sausage consumption? And if you lost a testicle would it mean you could eat more?  

Things get late and not a little loose in this after-service special coming not-quite-live from Pidgin. The boys are joined by restaurant manager Margot and sous chef Craig, and pile straight into a discussion about trench warfare, Russian baths, and a BNP cookery show. Sam wants a denim three piece morning suit. James wants to be a jouster. Will Craig ever sell out? Will Margot ever stop waving? And who will play them all in Pidgin: The Movie? 

Amazingly the boys jump straight in to talking about food, agreeing (also amazingly) that simple does not always equal best. They also talk about Noma, boning quails, and Jeff Goldblum's penis. James has been dumped a lot. Sam is too old for the internet. Should you reward sob stories with alcohol? What's the TKIOF catchphrase? And would you keep your penis if it fell off? 

Happy first birthday, The Kitchen Is On Fire! To celebrate, Sam and James bring in some strange Pidgin folk to discuss eating snails, cheesy beef, and sex toys in ancient Egypt. James makes an upper body change. Hugh is a lover and a fighter. Sam worries about the etiquette of wine tastings. Was Dr. Oetker a Nazi? Is one of the Olsen twins a murderer? Is James a human? Find out in this week's TKIOF.

The boys return from a hearty lunch at the Marksman pub and set about putting the world to rights. They argue about whether or not Michael Fassbender would make a good Marco Pierre White in the upcoming biopic and whether a piano would trump a bow and arrow on a desert island. Sam loses his temper with James. James is a droid. Margot makes a lot of noise and tells a foul story. Can you get stabbed in the skin? Are Google spying on us? And why don't Americans have big creatures in their big lakes? 

Pidgin is on fire, and through the fumes of burnt cocoa powder Sam and James discover they're top of the the food podcast charts. Somehow. Won't last. James is nursing a hangover. Sam keeps telling girls they look like old rock stars. They discuss the new menu at the Fat Duck, killer doughnuts, and Sunday roasts. James would rather eat his own scrotum than a school meal. Sam confesses to almost letting his brother drown in favour of eating a sausage. Are they ugly men? Is dumb a PC term? And can food save your life? 

James and Sam reconvene at Pidgin after a week away to catch up on life, love, and dead dogs. Sam has been in France cooking merguez and lighting giant incense sticks, while James has been solving Hackney crime and witnessing taserings. They discuss kissing dads, chip butties, and shooting ranges. Sam has a weepy encounter with a girl. James tells a story about a curious coprophiliac. Margot joins for a game of The Joey Tribiani Recipe Conundrum, and can't stop waving. Good times, good times.

The boys return to their earlier discussion of eating egg sandwiches on trains and delve deeper into this complex conundrum. They also ponder what constitutes a perfect McDonald's order, the Afterlife, and whether or not it's racist to suggest that John the Baptist ate hummus. Sam wonders if you could ever make a dessert with fish in it. James offends Swedes. What do you do with ashes? What happens in a wood? And is Sebastian the crab from the Little Mermaid a racist? 

Another week, another serious conversation about life on the front line of a new restaurant. James dumps prosecco in someone's lap. Sam talks to a man about the war or something. They ponder what food various musicians would eat and the new tics they've picked up waiting tables. Sam doesn't trust men with perfect shoes. James watches cricket. Is there a beach front McDonald's? What is the musk of a dining room? And what's more American than a cheeseburger?